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Am I sensing red flags again

SouthBunbury posted 4/6/2018 12:21 PM

Iím going to have to break this into 2 parts due to the length.
Well Iím 50 and currently been in this relationship for nearly 3 years now. Iíve been cheated on several times and Iím sensing that the flags are showing themselves again.
My first time was when I was in my early 20ís when I was in the Army with the Special Forces, whilst I was away (a lot of the time) my GF at the time use to hook up and have sex with her druggie XBF, when I found out I tried to reconcile but it was thrown in my face that while I was away I would be rooting around (which was never the case, bit hard when youíre out bush). Hence it didnít last. My next was my wife who I was with for 16 years, we went to a party one night and took our kids, I took the kids home early to put them to bed and she stayed out till the early morning and met this guy, had an affair for 6months before once again I found out via phone records and after a messy divorce and giving my house away and walking out with nothing except my clothes, I started again with another relationship who I met on a dating app. We were together for 2 years (on and off) when I noticed on the app, which I never deleted it from my phone, and only looked at it from time to time to see if some of the people that were still on it from when I was on it. I noticed that my GFís profile was on it and she was on it it everyday, I confronted her about it and her reasoning was she was lonely and wanted to meet new people for friendship, being stupid I believed her and thought that she would never betray my trust as she mentioned she couldnít stand cheaters. A short time later we broke up and she was with another guy that she was talking to.
Now to the present, as I said I have been with this person for nearly 3 years now and she was living in Perth until last year but would visit this guy who she claims was her best friend, as time went on she had mentioned that she had a relationship with him years ago but itís nothing like that anymore, I thought she was honest and believed her and she claims to only have caught up with him a couple of times. Then last year we holidayed in Bali and one night we were out at one of the many nightclubs and I went to the toilet and came back to see her passionately kissing another female, I confronted her about this and as she was non compo mentis due to consuming so much alcohol so I dragged her out caught a taxi back to the hotel where she passed out and I confronted her next morning where she claimed she couldnít remember anything. So I let it slide.

SouthBunbury posted 4/6/2018 12:21 PM

Then middle of last year she moved down to live with me, which was great for a while and then she started to complain about not having a job and if she didnít get one she would move back to Perth etc, then we started to fight and when I came back from work one day she had moved out of the main bedroom and into one of my spare rooms where she is now, because she says I move around too much and it wakes her up and she gets annoyed, but she will visit me for intimacy on regular occasions.
Well she got a job and absolutely loves it, she leave home at 5am and is supposed to finish at 2pm and has been there for the last 7 months.
Earlier this year a friend of mine came over from New South Wales and stayed a couple of days and of course we were having a few drinks when the GF made a comment about being fat (sheís 5ft 2 and a size 10), my friend told her she wasnít and to lift her t-shirt up to show her stomach which she obliqued, I thought it was a bit strange but she only raised it to show her stomach, she showered shortly after that and came out just in a dressing gown with nothing underneath it and sat at the dining table not saying anything. We both ignored her until I told her to go to bed which she did and went back to my room. When I went to bed at 1am she wanted to have sex, during this session she mentioned to me that she wanted to have oral sex with my friend and I said no it wasnít going to happen. I bought this up with her next morning with her and once again she said she couldnít remember it so it was another blackout. I have asked her if she wanted to do the swinging thing and she was horrified that I mentioned it and verbatenly denies having any thoughts of it.
Well over the last few months she claims that she has to work back at her work and gets overtime, instead of finishing at 2 she is getting home at 5.30pm most days, she is always talking about the guys that work there and one guy that gives her vegetables all the time and how nice he is . She is very sly on her mobile phone and gets messages a lot but I canít see who as she guards her phone and she only gave me her passwords when she wanted me to put some apps and programs on her phone and computer she then changed them since. She will once or maybe twice a month drive 2 hours to go to Perth to see her daughter but will only tell me briefly what she does when sheís up there except that she seems to watch a hell of a lot of TV with her daughter. With her drinking she will say that she will stop and be a teetotaller but a couple of nights later sheíll come home with a 6 pack of UDLís or a bottle of wine and then after a couple berate me about anything. She is currently going through menopause and blames being emotional on that. When I call her via the phone I will always say I love you at the end and once in a blue moon she will reciprocate with the same.
Well sorry for my vent and I hope I make sense but Itís 1AM and Iíve been tossing and turning for the last week and trying to get things off my chest, Iíve basically answered my own doubts about what she possibly could be doing, I just needed to put it down on paper and being bitten several times now, the flags are definitely up. I will continue to monitor the situation and confront when the time is right.

LilBlackCat posted 4/6/2018 13:08 PM

Well, at least you see it and can resolve as you see fit.

Good luck.

Cooley2here posted 4/6/2018 13:56 PM

South, I am not sure where you are meeting these women but donít go there anymore . As we say in the US south...Ēthem are slim pickingsĒ. Seriously fix your ďpickerĒ first. You served your country, it should be treating you better than this.

steadychevy posted 4/6/2018 14:01 PM

Never ignore red flags. I did and look what it got me?

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