SurvivingInfidelity.com® > Wayward Side

abelincon posted 8/17/2018 14:27 PM

We are 1+ year from D day things are up & down I don't have or have never had any illusions that R would be quick or easy, I am trying to work my ass off to prove to BS that I want to be a better person for her & myself. I have had NC for a year, have written NC letters, calls, texts & told OW to stay the fuck away from me & wife. Do not try & contact either of us ever, last week she called wife's phone three times, I called and left her a message to stop never call again and to fuck off. then she called again yesterday, every time this sends BS down the rabbit hole, I know it is entirely my doing for bringing this person into our lives, just don't know how to go about keeping this person from calling. is there anything legally I can do to stop this. This has got to stop.

gtflng posted 8/17/2018 14:30 PM

Fully block the numbers. Done and done.

thatbpguy posted 8/17/2018 14:31 PM

is there anything legally I can do to stop this. This has got to stop.

That's a great question for a local attorney!

lieshurt posted 8/17/2018 14:34 PM

I called and left her a message to stop never call again and to fuck off.

I would stop engaging her this way. It's only giving her what she wants. Instead, I would contact an attorney and see what your options are.

Yellowskies posted 8/17/2018 14:35 PM

Not an attorney, but you should look into harassment charges and in the meantime document, document, document.

ibonnie posted 8/17/2018 14:40 PM

Fully block the numbers. Done and done.

That only works is AP calls from a blocked number.

Change both you and your BS's phone numbers. Is it a pain in the butt? Yup. But it's a consequence that you need to deal with if you want her to stop being able to get in touch with both of you.

PurpleHaze posted 8/17/2018 14:49 PM

MODS

[This message edited by PurpleHaze at 2:59 PM, August 17th, 2018 (Friday)]

Butforthegrace posted 8/17/2018 14:55 PM

By the way, I don't think you should call her back and tell her to stop. She wants to hear your voice. You're feeding the beast.

As to restraining order, they are very difficult to obtain outside of the divorce context in most states. The threshold in most states is a showing of imminent danger of irreparable harm. If AP has made no credible threats of violence, this is almost impossible to show. You just need to let it go.

You should, however, keep a diary of call attempts. That diary should start with the date of your first NC call/message to her, and it should detail any other NC messages to her.

It may be possible, if the calls from her become pervasive (like 10 calls a day for weeks on end), to get a restraining order. But the best evidence of that is a diary that is updated contemporaneously with the harassment efforts.

pinkpggy posted 8/17/2018 15:00 PM

Unfortunately I would change phone numbers. But in this day and age there is really no form of really 100% stopping someone from contacting you if they want to.

Is your BS open to changing her number? You could have a letter drafted by an attorney to cease all contact. Harassment is harassment, if you have a record of the voicemails, save them somewhere as proof (if your wife doesn't want to keep them on her phone).

barcher144 posted 8/17/2018 15:22 PM

First, apologize like hell to your BS because you are right. This is your fault. Get her flowers or something to apologize for sending her down the rabbit hole.

Second, you should definitely not contact the AP. You need to control what you can control and do not even try to control what you can't (AP).

Third, you should probably get new phone numbers for both you and your wife.

prissy4lyfe posted 8/17/2018 16:35 PM

Look....I'm not usually this blunt...

You had a 15 year long affair with woman. She(in her mind) had built a life with you. She has 15 yrs of false promises, shared fantasies,pretty meaningless words amd anger at the "force" keeping you apart.

Right now your commitment to your marriage is symbolized on her mind by your wife.

This woman is just starting. She is going to ramp it up. You need to protect your wife and your family.

Go to the police! Start documenting. Your wife needs to take some self defense and put as many safety mechanisms in place as possible.

MAN UP. I hv NO doubt she is just getting started. You truly have a woman scored on your hands

MissLavandar posted 8/20/2018 10:14 AM

DO NOT CALL HER YOURSELF ANYMORE. This only feeds her need for attention from you.

Call the police, file a report and get them to speak with her personally. They deal with this sort of thing all the time.

Each time she calls, call the cops, quote the file number and have the incident added.

OneInTheSame posted 8/22/2018 01:58 AM

When my wife's OW/ex-gf contacted her (left a voice mail on wife's cell phone number) we simply sent a cease and desist letter reminding her of what the initial no contact request meant. I wrote it using examples found on the web, and mailed it Priority for the tracking number which showed when it was delivered. The letter requested no contact with either of us, by any means, by herself or any person on her behalf. The letter referred to any contact or attempted contact as unwanted intrusion into our legal marriage. It also said this was her last warning, and in the future any breach would be met with legal action.

The OW is poor as dirt, and I don't expect she will want to have to find an attorney to defend her just because she wants my wife to return a phone call when she feels she needs a "friend" to talk to. Her sister has been a legal secretary for years and I am guessing there is every chance her sister told her to just back off.

The letter was not an official letter from an attorney, and did not pretend to be one. But following the same format and word choices lent it cogency. It's been over a year since her attempted contact . . . we will see how long it works!

Onthejourney posted 8/22/2018 03:49 AM

I second oneinthesame, cease and desist letter. You can get a lawyer to draw one up and send it.

When the AP continued to force contact for 9 months after DDay on myself, WH, family and friends, we asked WH’s brother to inform the AP that legal action was coming if she continued NC. We followed this up with a cease and desist letter.

We finally got peace. Your BS needs to begin healing, she won’t while consistently getting harassed by the AP. Stop feeding the beast by reacting with personal calls. Let your BS know how truly remorseful you are and be there for her when she goes down the rabbit hole. It’s hell on earth down there.

If this doesn’t work, then document everything in preparation for a restraining order.

Chaos posted 8/22/2018 06:41 AM

Block every number she uses and block her from all social media.

Then consult an attorney for a cease and desist letter and/or harassment charges. Repeat as often as necessary.

DO NOT call her back - all you are doing is proving to her [and your BS] that you can be drug back to her in some way. Negative attention is better to her than no attention. You know better abe.

Root posted 8/22/2018 06:56 AM

My psycho parents disowned me and when I didn’t do what they wanted they proceeded to stalk and harass me.

What I learned and this is all lined out in the book the gift of fear. Do not contact or respond in any way. Keep the number open but get a new phone especially for your wife. Have a friend listen to the messages for safety. Get off social media. It’s crap anyway. Get a new email account. Send all gifts and letters back unopened. Forget a restraining order. A piece of paper is unlikely to stop her (at least in my case your OW might honor it). I filed 2 police reports (personal attacks) but did not press charges (it didn’t escalate). I hired an attorney only because they threatened to sue me (they never did). They drove by my house until I moved (I did not move because of them). I kept an emergency kit in my car.

Won’t lie this is tough to deal with. You need a plan and you need to stick to it. Any cracks in your plan reset the clock. This won’t stop the OW for years but it will slow her down enough for you to lead a semi normal life. This woman has been in your life for 15 years. She isn’t going to go away easily.

smokenfire posted 8/22/2018 16:57 PM

Zero attention. Zero attention. Zero attention.

Block her as best you can and block her again if she gets a new number.

I don't know her as a person, but I can tell you for some folks ANY attention, including negative is better then none at all.

Talk with an attorney, with your spouse present.

Marcy70 posted 8/23/2018 14:28 PM

I will add my voice to the others. Block her in every way possible and if she happens to get thru, do not respond. Ever. Crickets. Total silence.
I would not even bother with a cease and desist letter or a restraining order unless she starts showing up places in person and harassing you or your wife.
Give her absolutely NO attention. That’s what she is looking for. Even negative attention is still attention. Give her nothing.