SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Well, he did it again.

Recap: I trusted him a few months after the first DDay when I caught him by looking at his phone when he was asleep and got a text message. I have to check it for him in case it is work related so I looked and saw, "I'm coming to see you now. Let me know if you get this." He is a truck driver and visits sex websites on the road. Then I discovered he contacted whore houses in Ohio and multiple other women in his messages. He never admitted it or confessed or anything so I rug swept. He told me that he was just having fun and never met any of the women. Yeah, riiiiiight.

DD2: He was home for the weekend. He wakes me up in the morning and asks me to go shopping, at 7 am on Saturday, I'm not a morning person...but I digress.. I tell him just go and go shopping without me and I'll see him later. No big deal. A good, trusting wife I am. Idiot!!

Well, the morning passes. The afternoon passes. The evening passes. It's getting to the wee hours of the morning and no sign of him. I wake up Sunday morning and he's STILL not home. He's NEVER stayed out all night. After I'm awake and thinking of things I started getting worried for his safety. I talked to my older son and he said it's not like him to do this, we agree, so does my daughter in law. I call the police department and tell them I want to report my husband missing.

They come out to the house and I answer all the questions; what vehicle, license plate number, color....etc.

As just an aside and throw away info I tell them where he parks his truck on weekends. The officer goes up there and, sure enough, finds him. He tells the officer that we had an argument, which I had no idea. I suddenly receive a text message from him saying why did I call the police and trying to laugh it off. He tells me that his phone's battery wouldn't charge and that's why he never contacted me after all the texts, calls I tried to call him. "I didn't even buy a charger." Which struck me weird. (As soon as I get in our vehicle I see a brand new charger. He lied about that. WTF????)

I get my son to give me a ride to his truck without telling WS about it while I'm on the phone with him. He tells me he'll be home in about an hour.

Two minutes later we surprisingly pull up and there he is. I told my son to just drop me off and I'd handle it, I didn't want him involved any more than that. I go up to the truck and he's trying to tell me he was drinking and didn't want to drive home.....which didn't make sense because he NEVER drinks at his truck, so I didn't buy that.

So when he gets in our vehicle to drive home, he tries to show me his phone, how the battery was almost dead....the idiot had his gmail account open and I saw messages...I grabbed his phone out of his hand, which he started demanding I give him his phone back. I quickly get out of the driver's side to get a look while he walks around the outside of the passenger side to get the phone back and I see, "Hey, Sweetie, I'm a truck driver in Suffolk, can you come see me?"

Her response: $80.00 an hour 100.00 for two hours.

I was sick to my stomach. I get back in the truck as he tries to get back in and I backed up so fast (carefully, of course, I didn't get that crazy). He was moving slow, laughing it off trying to make a joke of it. He tells me that he was just sending harmless messages and playing. I tell him BULLSHIT! And took off.

I went home and got his clean clothes that I took the time to wash and fold and pack for him while I was waiting for him to come home, did a drive by and threw them out my window in front of his truck.

I am done with this and want out but I am not leaving this house. I helped design this place to fix it up and helped pay for it. It's as much mine as it is his. I refuse to answer his calls or texts. I know sooner or later we have to discuss this situation and I'll handle it the way I want to, with total control. If he doesn't confess the truth I want no part of him. My older son told me he will make sure I'm taken care of and I trust him. My younger son is 16, almost 17 so he's big enough to accept this.

This entire relationship has been a charade and I refuse to keep it going. I am so confused. I know things have to change but the only thing I can change is me.

I hope this wasn't a rambling post but I had to vent.

Thank you for reading.

[This message edited by Justme77 at 4:05 PM, September 3rd (Monday)]

Justme77, you've been heard and are handling this like a champ.

Stay strong and keep posting.

[This message edited by Wool94 at 4:16 PM, September 3rd (Monday)]

Glad you found your anger. Don't bo back to him. Waaaay to much drama to live a good and happy life! You are much better off without this addicted cheater in your life.

as i like to say

the business of second chances is a losing business

lawyer up and file

sorry the as**** hurt you again

(((Justme77)))

My WH drives OTR. My dday is almost a year ago. Drugs, prostitutes, CL. The whole nine yards.

I hope to never experience a second dday. And I'm so sorry that you have.

Funny, isn't it, how a WS can look you in the eye after being caught red-handed messaging hookers and try to play it off as just messages, never meet-ups. Just looking for conversation, they say. Just curious, they say. And it's all lies.

You said you want nothing to do with him unless he tells you the truth. And yes, honesty is an important first step. But an even more important step is for him to stop seeing hookers, which he is obviously not interested in doing.

Please get tested for STDs pronto. And see an attorney if you haven't already. You may find that you're entitled to stay in the house.

I developed an exit plan in the event of future infidelity. And I will be staying in the house, and he will be paying for it.

I think you handled the situation perfectly. Love how you threw his clothes in the dirt. Let him go to the truck stop and run a load.

Wishing you strength and peace.

Thanks, all!! I love this forum. I will stay strong. I really have had it.

[This message edited by Justme77 at 4:48 PM, September 3rd (Monday)]

You deserve better than this.

He showed you he will do anything to lie and cheat. Not come home. Try to laugh it off when you have the evidence in front of you. Pretending to go shopping.

This charade took lie after lie to orchestrate.

So sorry for you - I think you are dealing with this very well.

Even if he admits it, it really doesn’t matter. You really seem strong enough to not need him in your life.

I told my WS he needed a lot more help than I could ever get him 😂. And then I watched. After filing for D, did he take any initiative to fix his issues and keep his family together? Nope.

I stopped all conversations, kept the house, he had to Quit claim it to me. The further I am out from dday I realize, I’m so much better off (and my sons are too) without his warped self around.

See an atty right away so you’ll know your options. You never know if he’ll file first.

The most hurtful part is that I took pride in taking care of him. I did my wifely duties as he wanted them.

But I notice a big change in my reaction in the different D Days. Back then, a year ago, I was obsessed with what the whores may have been like, what they did together and things like that, kind of blaming myself and feeling sorry for myself.

This time, I don't even care. I am just angry and want that scumbag far away from our family. I also told him there's nothing more pathetic than a dirty old man and he should be ashamed of behaving this way. (I left a little note in his carry bag.)

The one similarity is that my appetite is shot, although that may be a good thing.

I may have to go to a legal aid because lawyers are very expensive.

Thanks for the responses.

Also, another thing that comes to my mind is that if a man would stoop so low to go to hookers then it wouldn't be that much of a jump to eventually find a woman who he might fall in love with and then I'd be kicked to the curb anyway if I stick around.

[This message edited by Justme77 at 12:20 PM, September 4th (Tuesday)]

homewrecked2011

I did contact a lawyer last year after DDay1 and he told me that I can't get the house just because he cheated on me. He told me unfortunately that if a woman cheats then it would be grounds for her to lose her rights to the house or some messed up law like that if I remember correctly. Virginia is a messed up state in a lot of ways. On the other hand that lawyer could have been a total jerk.

I've been on this forum for over 12 years and I was always a little surprised that I was not reading more stories about OTR truckers.

I came here because of what happened in my current M as my second H also cheated, but that was very different from what I experienced in my first M.

I split with my first serial cheating, prostitute monger XH in 1992. He was an OTR trucker on and off throughout our 13 year M. There was no SI and I had to find my way through as best I could, on my own. After one of the most significant d-days, I told him that one condition for staying married was that he had to give up OTR trucking forever.

He agreed to it. For about 2 years. One day he said something like "what would you say if I said I wanted to drive OTR again?" I only said, "do whatever you want." Guess he thought that meant it was okay? I consulted a lawyer to start divorce proceeding during one of his first OTR trips during that time.

I didn't want to "control" my XH. I really did want him to do whatever he wanted; it is just that what I wanted was to NOT live with a cheating lying whore monger.

Just remember your own words:

I know things have to change but the only thing I can change is me.

Of course my story is as messy as any and it still did not end there. When he came home to discover I wanted a divorce, once again he quit driving OTR and I agreed once again to give him a chance but told him that if I heard any rumors or saw something weird about him and any other women, there would be no more talking, I was divorcing. Keep in mind this was years before cell phones and Internet, so finding out was different, but somehow I still managed to find out more than enough.

So even when he was not driving OTR, somehow he managed to meet the final OW (well the final one from our M as I'm sure there were countless others in his 24 year M to her). I went to a lawyer two days after learning of her and never looked back.

That should be the end of the story and it definitely was the END of our M, but maybe not the end of the story.

As far as my XH, I will always wish him well as he is the father of our 3 grown kids. The kids know he was a serial cheater but they don't know about the prostitutes. I hope they never learn that.

He was married to the final OW for almost 24 years. He left her about a year ago for yet another OW. His now XW #2 actually apologized to me for her part in ending our M, now seeing a much bigger picture of her own part and the part the latest woman plays. Once I was at her house to pick up something for one of the kids and I could see she wanted to unload and she started to.

But the words "sex addict" came out of her mouth and I definitely told her that I did not want to hear any more and politely made my exit.

The difference is that I actually feel sorry for XW #2. Sure, it could be said she deserved what she got, but I just couldn't really wish him on anyone. I feel even sorrier for her yet, that she thought she wanted him back (maybe she still wishes that for all I know).

[This message edited by Bobbi_sue at 12:40 PM, September 4th (Tuesday)]

Bobbie_Sue

He was in construction for 20 years until the housing market crashed ten years ago and he took a big pay cut. He had to find something else that paid well so he took up trucking. I trusted him and never suspected anything.

I'm sorry you had to go through all that BS drama crap too. It sucks. If I had a pecker I like to think I'd be more selective in where I put it. It makes my stomach turn to imagine but I have to stop it. It's a miracle I was all cleared with STD's last year. I guess I have to go back on that merry go round again.

[This message edited by Justme77 at 12:47 PM, September 4th (Tuesday)]

(((Justme)))

I'm sorry you're right back at the beginning but the positive is you only lost a year of false r.

Full steam ahead!!!

Thanks, (((Kiki))).

(((Wool94)))

(((GuyInColorado)))

(((max2018)))

(((DesertLily)))

(((The1stWife)))

(((homewrecked2011)))

(((Bobbi_sue)))

(((Kiki1)))

(((Justme77)))

Hugs back at you. My story was long ago now and if I didn't have kids and grandkids with him, I could probably forget he exists at all.

If I had a pecker I like to think I'd be more selective in where I put it.

Me too.

It's a miracle I was all cleared with STD's last year.

We can be thankful for that. As I said before, this situation happened long before I joined SI. At the time I was young and naïve. I married him when I was 19 and he was 26. We split when I was 32 and we had three young children at the time. I guess it never occurred to me that I should have been tested!

Hugs back at you, Justme77.

Wow, Virginia is a messed up state. So not fair. Ugh!

I did the "Three Attorneys" thing. Just to be sure. Didn't want to end up with a quack. But my situation is also different in that I am the primary care provider for our disabled son, and always have been. Not only am I entitled to stay in the house, but I'll get alimony, and lots of it, until I either remarry (not gonna happen) or our son becomes 100% independent. Then I'll just get alimony for an additional 5 years.

I got hold of his phone last weekend and saw that he took a pic of his naked body, including flaccid penis. Flaccid is the best he can get it unless he's with hookers, I guess. The worst part is I find myself pining for old relationships that I had in the past where the sex was great. This man I'm married to now puts me down sexually, says I'm not good at certain things and it blows my ego (yes, women have egos too) to pieces. I didn't even bother confronting him about the naked selfie he took. What would be the point of that? We've had discussions in the past about how sick people have to be to take naked photos of themselves, their private parts on their phones. I just don't get that sick mentality. All I know is that this man who treats me pretty well other than sex wise, is a pervert. IT's a painful thought and I feel I don't even know who he really is anymore.

I told him last weekend that we are just not sexually compatible anymore and that's the end of that. I guess this will be a marriage of convenience from now on. I thought we had such a good thing going just a few years ago. It seems now he's comparing me in bed to his professionals that I can't compete with.

He has trouble getting it up but says I have to learn how to deep throat him. I said it's impossible to deep throat a wet noodle. I've had it. Am I on the road to being a mad hatter?

I don't know what to think anymore.

I have no words of wisdom, just wanted you to know you've been heard.

I'm so sorry you feel you're stuck in a M of convenience. Find hobbies and new friends, focus on you.

As for becoming a MH, I know RAs can be so tempting. For me, I realized I could never do it because it would cost me my integrity and honor. But I'm also in a different place where D is to my benefit.

I wish I could hug you right now, but I'll have to settle for sending you hugs across the internet.

(((((((Justme77)))))))

(((DesertLily)))

<3