SurvivingInfidelity.com® > Just Found Out

DestroyedWife80 posted 9/11/2018 17:45 PM

I have always been a writer so I have found journaling my experience to be extremely therapeutic.

Here's the thing- I want to give it to him at some point.

What do you think of that?

DesertLily posted 9/11/2018 19:03 PM

Writing is a wonderful way to get out all of our thoughts and feelings uninterupted. I think that would take a great deal of trust, allowing the person who's hurt us the most into our most private thoughts and feelings. I hope that one day that level of trust is restored for all of us BSes.

I started writing a letter to my WH, with the thought of giving it to him one day. And the letter has evolved into a journal, a whole spiral notebook that might end up ten volumes. Whether it ever ends up in his hands is yet to be determined.

But I also keep another notebook, one that's for my eyes only. So, given his abhorrence for the written word (unless it's smut, of course), it's a pretty safe bet my inner thoughts are well protected.

All that to say, I think journaling your process out of infidelity, written to your betrayer, is a healthy coping mechanism, and you can choose to share it with your WH, or not. But it's still a great idea.

Ripped62 posted 9/11/2018 19:56 PM

I have a specific journal with responses and thoughts to my wayward wife. This keeps me from having contact. I do not plan to give it to her any longer.

Downforthecount posted 9/11/2018 20:16 PM

In our case her timelines are pretty much the first thing in the spiral. From there it's my journal and her responses to both written and verbal conversations. For us it was a way to open communication. That may not be what you want or need at the moment but it's what we did.

shedtears posted 9/11/2018 20:18 PM

I have been journaling also. It helps me so much. I did tell WH he could read it whenever he wanted. I don't think he has read more than the first couple of pages so far. But I hope it helps him understand my feelings and my experience. I have written him letters that I have read to him at MC. Speaking on the fly is not my strong suit. Writing gives me time to process.
I second DesertLily in that you may decide to share, or you may not. I think you can give it to him if you feel safe doing so.

DestroyedWife80 posted 9/11/2018 21:03 PM

Speaking on the fly is not my strong suit. Writing gives me time to process.

100% this. In writing I am exceptionally eloquent...in person I think I sound like a bumbling idiot. lol

beenthereinco posted 9/12/2018 10:31 AM

Giving it to him may not be the best idea. Before you do please re-read the portions from early on and see if you think they come across as more pathetic than what you want to convey now. This is complete and total projection, I don't know your circumstance, but I cringe to think that I would give my xWW my thoughts immediately after DDay and let her see just how bad I was. I recognize now that I needed to have much more confidence in myself and frankly I don't want her to understand the kind of sniveling wimp I was the first few weeks there.