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CatsNTats (original poster member #66105) posted at 9:00 AM on Sunday, September 16th, 2018
and he won't stop verbally attacking me. I can't take it anymore. It's been non-stop for 13 hours. Yelling, blame-shifting, accusing me of saying and doing things I've NEVER done and never would do, name-calling, denial, manipulation, all of the above and more.
I've asked him to stop numerous times...but he doesn't. Even at work I can't get away from it. I've tried numerous times to smooth it - to get him to let up. That I'm at an emotional breaking point. The rock in my stomach couldn't be any heavier.
He left me a cryptic voicemail after I finally blocked him because I'm at work. I'm scared.
I feel like anything would be better than this.
Me:37 BW
Him:45 WH Deceased 10.20.19
Other D-Days: Feb 2016, August 2017, September 2018
If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, then it's a duck.
alsdaboss ( new member #60126) posted at 12:02 PM on Sunday, September 16th, 2018
I am scared for you.
Please tell everyone you can trust exactly what you posted here.
Use everything, text, facebook, call family and make everyone aware.
Do what you can to be around other people you feel safe with and avoid this person at all costs.
Contact law enforcement.
Vague threats are still threats.
I am not well at all, but I am getting there.
oldtruck ( member #62540) posted at 1:24 PM on Sunday, September 16th, 2018
What he is doing is illegal. Call the police.
This behavior is a classic form of domestic violence.
jb3199 ( member #27673) posted at 1:29 PM on Sunday, September 16th, 2018
You can't save those who don't want to be saved, but you can save yourself.
It's time to implement your signature line, because the others are correct. This is abuse.
BH-50s
WW-50s
2 boys
Married over 30yrs.
All work and no play has just cost me my wife--Gary PuckettD-Day(s): EnoughAccepting that I can/may end this marriage 7/2/14
Pinkypeach ( member #65880) posted at 1:30 PM on Sunday, September 16th, 2018
Tell people, the secrecy will allow it to continue. You need to put your safety first.
Is there anywhere you can go after work rather than go home?
NoOptTo ( member #62958) posted at 2:32 PM on Sunday, September 16th, 2018
Can you seek advice from your local womens shelter?
CrossedArrow ( member #65528) posted at 2:59 PM on Sunday, September 16th, 2018
You need to have a conversation with a police officer. Document and journal everything. The sad part is this info might have to be used in court.
Me: BH
Her: WW
Kids: 13 & 16
Married for 20+ years
D-Day: Sept 26 2008
No possible R due to stonewalling, gaslighting, etc.
Most likely, it continues. Too tired to investigate.
nekonamida ( member #42956) posted at 2:59 PM on Sunday, September 16th, 2018
Can you stay with family or a friend tonight? Even a hotel? Anything is better than going back home to that.
Chrysalis123 ( member #27148) posted at 3:37 PM on Sunday, September 16th, 2018
Please call the nearest domestic violence shelter. This is abuse, this is scary, and you need protection...right now. They will help you. They have access to attorneys, housing, etc.
I've been around SI a long time. Please listen when every poster is saying the same thing.
Someone I once loved gave me/ a box full of darkness/ It took me years to understand/ That this, too, was a gift. - Mary Oliver
Just for the record darling, not all positive changes feel positive in the beginning -S C Lourie
DesertLily ( member #63539) posted at 4:10 PM on Sunday, September 16th, 2018
I know you're in a tough spot financially and you feel as if you have no ability to leave him. Please do as the others have advised. Tell your work, call the police. Look into emergency shelters. His self-hatred is now being directed outwards, right at you. It sounds like violence is eminent. Protect yourself.
seekers ( member #46706) posted at 4:33 PM on Sunday, September 16th, 2018
I feel like anything would be better than this.
And the thing is - You get to decide what that anything is. You can do this Cats. Decide what's better. Find a DV shelter today. Today. Do not return home. Please listen to the supportive voices on your thread.
I teach people how to treat me by what I will allow.
Mojojo ( member #63591) posted at 4:45 PM on Sunday, September 16th, 2018
If abuse were a cake infidelity would be the icing on top. He’s already abusing you and now that he’s caught again being unfaithful he will take it out on you. Practice the 180 and get yourself to a safe place immediately! Don’t trust him
seekers ( member #46706) posted at 5:03 PM on Sunday, September 16th, 2018
He left me a cryptic voicemail after I finally blocked him
What I see here is you making yourself safe. Blocking him = oh no! How can I control here now?!
If your safe from his abuse, then you can begin your healing. So the cryptic message is him acting out his loss of control of you. Please reach out to shelters, police, coworkers. You will be surprised by the love.
I teach people how to treat me by what I will allow.
The1stWife ( Guide #58832) posted at 5:36 PM on Sunday, September 16th, 2018
You need a plan.
Restraining order if necessary.
Money in your name. Credit card in your name alone.
A vehicle in your name
A counselor
A support team of friends & family.
Stop engaging with him. Stop arguing with him. Stop communicating with him. Stop listening to him.
Turn his hateful diatribe spigot OFF.
Heal yourself.
Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled. 12 years out from Dday. Reconciliation takes two committed people to be successful.
CatsNTats (original poster member #66105) posted at 11:16 AM on Monday, September 17th, 2018
Thank you all. I'm working on a plan now. Can't take any more of this...
Me:37 BW
Him:45 WH Deceased 10.20.19
Other D-Days: Feb 2016, August 2017, September 2018
If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, then it's a duck.
EEJJ ( member #44731) posted at 1:25 AM on Wednesday, September 19th, 2018
Cats,
Im not sure if you posted another JFO here or your story, but I just seen this one and thought I would also jump in with some advice and info. You have gotten some great info already. Definitely start documenting. Start recording, Start taking pictures and save it all for police and court purposes. Im sure your hurting, mind is racing your on the rollercoaster but you definitely need to take care of you. You need to build your case and most importantly your safety. Documenting, recording and saving pics, calls, threats etc, all this you can take to court as your proof for a restraining order or an order of protection of some sort. In other words putting him on notice, but even with that you need to take care of you.
As someone who had to deal with alot of harassment myself, I had to take many of these steps as well. All while being beat down emotionally and spiritually, but you need to do it. You need to do it for you because nobody else will. I kept a journal and believe me when it came to court it all helped me out. You can also make a police report and save the report #s. Build them up as your building a case against him. It doesnt mean you have to call the police on him all the time, its just a report against him and as they build on him the worse for him. Make sure you document and save all this information. My wallet was full of police officer cards and numbers.
Stay strong.
BH...ME WW 38
Beautiful DD and great DS!!
dday 8.7.14
Status: Divorced 3.6.15
"God gives his toughest tests to his strongest soldiers"
"Sometimes you don't need to hear their excuses because their actions already spoke truth&
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