SurvivingInfidelity.com® > Just Found Out

CatsNTats posted 9/16/2018 03:00 AM

and he won't stop verbally attacking me. I can't take it anymore. It's been non-stop for 13 hours. Yelling, blame-shifting, accusing me of saying and doing things I've NEVER done and never would do, name-calling, denial, manipulation, all of the above and more.

I've asked him to stop numerous times...but he doesn't. Even at work I can't get away from it. I've tried numerous times to smooth it - to get him to let up. That I'm at an emotional breaking point. The rock in my stomach couldn't be any heavier.

He left me a cryptic voicemail after I finally blocked him because I'm at work. I'm scared.

I feel like anything would be better than this.

alsdaboss posted 9/16/2018 06:02 AM

I am scared for you.

Please tell everyone you can trust exactly what you posted here.

Use everything, text, facebook, call family and make everyone aware.

Do what you can to be around other people you feel safe with and avoid this person at all costs.

Contact law enforcement.
Vague threats are still threats.

oldtruck posted 9/16/2018 07:24 AM

What he is doing is illegal. Call the police.
This behavior is a classic form of domestic violence.

jb3199 posted 9/16/2018 07:29 AM

You can't save those who don't want to be saved, but you can save yourself.

It's time to implement your signature line, because the others are correct. This is abuse.

Pinkypeach posted 9/16/2018 07:30 AM

Tell people, the secrecy will allow it to continue. You need to put your safety first.
Is there anywhere you can go after work rather than go home?

NoOptTo posted 9/16/2018 08:32 AM

Can you seek advice from your local womens shelter?

CrossedArrow posted 9/16/2018 08:59 AM

You need to have a conversation with a police officer. Document and journal everything. The sad part is this info might have to be used in court.

nekonamida posted 9/16/2018 08:59 AM

Can you stay with family or a friend tonight? Even a hotel? Anything is better than going back home to that.

Chrysalis123 posted 9/16/2018 09:37 AM

Please call the nearest domestic violence shelter. This is abuse, this is scary, and you need protection...right now. They will help you. They have access to attorneys, housing, etc.

I've been around SI a long time. Please listen when every poster is saying the same thing.

DesertLily posted 9/16/2018 10:10 AM

I know you're in a tough spot financially and you feel as if you have no ability to leave him. Please do as the others have advised. Tell your work, call the police. Look into emergency shelters. His self-hatred is now being directed outwards, right at you. It sounds like violence is eminent. Protect yourself.

seekers posted 9/16/2018 10:33 AM

I feel like anything would be better than this.

And the thing is - You get to decide what that anything is. You can do this Cats. Decide what's better. Find a DV shelter today. Today. Do not return home. Please listen to the supportive voices on your thread.

Mojojo posted 9/16/2018 10:45 AM

If abuse were a cake infidelity would be the icing on top. He’s already abusing you and now that he’s caught again being unfaithful he will take it out on you. Practice the 180 and get yourself to a safe place immediately! Don’t trust him

seekers posted 9/16/2018 11:03 AM

He left me a cryptic voicemail after I finally blocked him

What I see here is you making yourself safe. Blocking him = oh no! How can I control here now?!

If your safe from his abuse, then you can begin your healing. So the cryptic message is him acting out his loss of control of you. Please reach out to shelters, police, coworkers. You will be surprised by the love.

The1stWife posted 9/16/2018 11:36 AM

You need a plan.

Restraining order if necessary.

Money in your name. Credit card in your name alone.

A vehicle in your name

A counselor

A support team of friends & family.

Stop engaging with him. Stop arguing with him. Stop communicating with him. Stop listening to him.

Turn his hateful diatribe spigot OFF.

Heal yourself.

CatsNTats posted 9/17/2018 05:16 AM

Thank you all. I'm working on a plan now. Can't take any more of this...

EEJJ posted 9/18/2018 19:25 PM

Cats,

Im not sure if you posted another JFO here or your story, but I just seen this one and thought I would also jump in with some advice and info. You have gotten some great info already. Definitely start documenting. Start recording, Start taking pictures and save it all for police and court purposes. Im sure your hurting, mind is racing your on the rollercoaster but you definitely need to take care of you. You need to build your case and most importantly your safety. Documenting, recording and saving pics, calls, threats etc, all this you can take to court as your proof for a restraining order or an order of protection of some sort. In other words putting him on notice, but even with that you need to take care of you.

As someone who had to deal with alot of harassment myself, I had to take many of these steps as well. All while being beat down emotionally and spiritually, but you need to do it. You need to do it for you because nobody else will. I kept a journal and believe me when it came to court it all helped me out. You can also make a police report and save the report #s. Build them up as your building a case against him. It doesnt mean you have to call the police on him all the time, its just a report against him and as they build on him the worse for him. Make sure you document and save all this information. My wallet was full of police officer cards and numbers.

Stay strong.