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Am i the douche now?

WanttToBeHappy posted 4/15/2019 18:57 PM

DDay - Feb 11. 3.5Y LTA
Thinking of trying to R but not sure yet.
I feel like since he got to go find "the love of his life" isn't it fair that I get the chance to see if there is a love of my life out there?
He says he made a mistake and its me, but I feel like well you got the chance to go see, but I haven't. Maybe this should be a D and not an attempted R...Ö
So confused.

max2018 posted 4/15/2019 19:00 PM

You D him and after a while give him a chance to win you back

Let's see how serious he is about changing

W3IRZ posted 4/15/2019 19:09 PM

Well my first response is donít have an affair. It only makes things more confusing. Secondly what makes someone the love of your life are actions from both parties. Thereís no such thing as soul mates. I mean my husband and I are soulmates because we have shared a life together not because heís the only person in this entire world that is right for me. Thatís a fantasy. With all that said Iím not suggesting you should R. Thatís your choice

WanttToBeHappy posted 4/15/2019 19:11 PM

He's already changing and in IC as well as I am, but he got the chance to go see and I didn't. What if I am missing out of the love of my life.
Sometimes too little too late.
I don't know

gmc94 posted 4/15/2019 19:39 PM

Tho my WH didn't find the love of his life, I felt this way quite a bit for months after dday.

As I explored those thoughts, I realized that it was just another reason to D taking up brain space. I didn't need another reason to D, I already had plenty of reasons.

Personally, I think it was also about justice and living well being the best revenge. Every now & again I'll get that feeling, but I now try and think about why I'm back to contemplating revenge and turn the focus back on me and what I'm feeling rather than "I can leave him and go find myself a new love".

At the end of the day, I don't need a "new love" - I am enough. Just as I am.

Sunny69 posted 4/15/2019 19:46 PM

W2BH, I can relate to what you are saying.
We are virtually 18months post dday, but part of me wants the excitement of meeting someone new, someone who would treat me right, someone who can show me true love and put me first, when times get tough. I would love the innocence of a relationship not tainted by infidelity, where you can watch what you like on tv, not be triggered by certain songs, but that is my life now. Whether we D or R I think I would still experience those triggers. I totally appreciate how intoxicating it must be having someone new show interest in you, flatter you, make time for you. We are trying to move forward as a couple, right the wrongs, but I will not be as closed off to possible alternatives, like I once was. We have got this far, we still have a long way to go and I want to live a life past it, not permanently living in it. We have 3 children and I currently see it that my WS is going to be the best partner for me, for many different reasons, but that is not to say my perspective will not change. Dealing with infidelity is always evolving.

crazyblindsided posted 4/16/2019 12:23 PM

My WS said the very same thing. He thought that maybe I wasn't the right one for him, but he knows now after having dated MOW for 3 years. We are in limbo.

The only douche in these situations are the WS.

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