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Lost My Best Friend

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nekonamida posted 10/13/2019 19:24 PM

Bitter sweet, isn't it? But now you can make a decision based on what really happened and not that sanitized version you knew was a lie.

Butforthegrace posted 10/13/2019 19:43 PM

There's plenty more. But you get the idea. Pretty much everything we all thought(me included), happened or worse.
She is not capable of being a safe partner.

Not capable of being a safe partner to you. Might she be one to him? Maybe you offer to pack all of her things and drive her to his place and leave her at his front door, with her stuff in his front yard, since that is what she so dearly wished for?

Hallmack posted 10/13/2019 19:52 PM

God damn. I couldnít imagine how it must feel to start all over. Itís one of my biggest fears, that my WW is still lying. All I know is that if she is one day it will come out. She thought she could lie about having an affair. Lie about the sex. Lie about her feelings and she couldnít. These lies will eventually destroy them.

Atleast you know now. Itís a damn shame that it took a poly to get the truth. She was here and knew you needed the truth to heal. Damn

NoOptTo posted 10/13/2019 20:01 PM


I feel sad for you. Your WW sticking with her lies up til and even the beginning of the lie detector test. Learning that she had way more sex with POSOM that has herpes. Opening you to the disease also. It was just once..... I hope you go for your retest when recommended to verify that you didn't get it.

We all know what your road out of infidelity should be now. She was holding onto her lies to the bitter end. Those are not behaviors of a truly remorseful WW. I'm praying that you have the resolve to do what is best for you now. Keep posting. You can still get support through your next stage of exiting infidelity.

Bigger posted 10/13/2019 20:02 PM


Congratulations on finally having the truth.

This seems so hard for wayward to understand: there is NO way true reconciliation can be attained or even attempted without the truth. Itís such a shame it takes them this long to realize that.

I donít think this truth makes reconciliation impossible. In fact Ė the truth actually makes R possible. IMHO there is NO WAY a marriage can reconcile if one or both spouses is carrying some major deception. Reconciliation HAS TO BE from a base of TRUTH.

So yes Ė her confession and her passing the poly make reconciliation possible.
But only if itís what you want. Her sharing the truth and then passing the poly donít necessarily require you to reconcile. But it does make reconciliation a possibility.

Your wife isnít anything special. She isnít the master-manipulator, the ultimate femme fatale or the worst vixen we have read about here on SI. Sheís simply the typical wayward spouse in an affair.

Iím going to make this suggestion for the both of you: Stay off SI for 24 hours.
Think what happened. Think what she told you. Take time to talk together. Gather your thoughts.
And stay away from the booze.

This is the first day in YOUR recovery Ė irrespective of your path out of infidelity.

Lowkeyy posted 10/13/2019 20:07 PM

I mean lying to the bitter end would usually be the nail in the coffin, but the fact that she could have been reading your posts and manipulating her posts on waywards to grab sympathy from people on this website speaks volumes on her character.

You know what you gotta do but do we really have to tell you at this point?

Good luck

steadychevy posted 10/13/2019 20:18 PM

She passed because she told the truth about things she had lied about to you previously. So it's a pass. It's a pass because she felt she couldn't lie during the test and get away with it. Is that remorse and truthfulness? Doesn't seem like it to me. Had it been she passed and confirmed the things she told you before, maybe, but she passed by exposing what she had already lied about.

It's one of those situations where the WS (her) thought you wouldn't go through with the poly. Then TT last night (or maybe it was the night before) to show she's revealing so you wouldn't go through with it. But you did.

Tough decisions, my friend. I'm not going to tell you what I would do. It's up to you.

Jsmart posted 10/13/2019 20:39 PM


[This message edited by SI Staff at 8:58 PM, October 14th (Monday)]

firenze posted 10/13/2019 20:53 PM

Well, that was expected but still so horribly disappointing. Based on the way she was playing house with this guy and involving the kids, there was simply no way in hell the affair wasn't much deeper than she originally admitted to, or during her first couple rounds of TT. Pretty pathetic how desperately she clung to those lies, isn't it? And how cruel of her to make this whole nightmare that much worse by making you suffer through all of these subsequent revelations when she could've just told you from the start so you knew what you were dealing with and could've begun working through it.

I'm really sorry you're going through this Neanderthal, and I'm sorry your wife is such an incorrigible liar and coward. I know what it's like to be married to one. I know what it's like to have a young child with one. I also know that I have never once regretted being rid of her.

Whatever you decide, please stay sober and take care of yourself.

[This message edited by firenze at 8:56 PM, October 13th (Sunday)]

InvoluntarilyCuc posted 10/13/2019 21:07 PM

She said she fantasized about having a life with OM if you weren't in the picture. Sounds as if you are just an inconvenience. She probably had fantasies of him raising your daughter with her. She only got out of the fog when she found out OM had other APs and refused to use condoms even though he has herpes. She found out she wasn't special, just naive and easy enough to be played.

RocketRaccoon posted 10/13/2019 22:09 PM


I am so sorry for you.

I hate pyrrhic victories.

ramius posted 10/14/2019 01:19 AM

For those who question the value of a poly....exhibit A.

So now you know it all. And you know that she is, (IMO) an Invertebrate liar.

Her entire thread was a word salad of bullshit.

Leave her.. Let her cherished memories and fantasies keep her company at night. Your life will improve immensely the less she is in it.

Sharkman posted 10/14/2019 05:17 AM

Exactly. For others out there in similar situations donít listen to those who negate polygraphs because of science, etc. 9 times out of 10 itís what happened here as an illustration of their value.

Neanderthal, Iím so very sorry. I know that you were mentally ready to make the decision but Iím sure that this was still a gut punch of a weekend.

The person we are is not defined by how they handle the good times but how they operate during the darkest moments. Youíre doing great.

Buffer posted 10/14/2019 05:57 AM


I am so sorry re these events,

It started last night. Then again in the car on the way to the test. Then again before the test started with me in the room. Then again after I left the room, she admitted more to the tester.

So yeah she passed the polygraph......she also:
She had sex with him multiple times.
Spent the night together on there trip. After sex, after cuddling, they slept together all night.
She bought and brought condoms, but he didn't want to use them. So of course they didn't use them.
Admitted to more meetups.
Admitted to sexual acts in her classroom.
Admitted to reading my forum pretty much the whole time.
They discussed a possible future together if they got caught.
Fantasized about really being with him, if I wasn't in the picture.
Even admitted to some sexual acts I never would have thought of. Seriously who does this stuff?
Basically every sexual act she had admitted to before was minimized badly. Like really badly.
He got anything and everything he ever asked for.

There's plenty more. But you get the idea. Pretty much everything we all thought(me included), happened or worse.
She is not capable of being a safe partner.

But she passed!!!

I kind of was hoping you were at the end of it, now another DDay to go through.

Good luck with your relationship call.
It is hard to hear but you now have the full information and know what you are uo against.

Kiba posted 10/14/2019 07:12 AM


I am truly heartbroken for you. You finally have the truth and I hope that helps you redeem your life. My hope is that your WW is now genuinely remorseful that you get a fair and just divorce. She has already caused you more than enough pain.

nekonamida posted 10/14/2019 07:33 AM

It was just once..... I hope you go for your retest when recommended to verify that you didn't get it.

I hope you both get re-tested especially if you've had any HB with her.

WhyteDynamite posted 10/14/2019 07:49 AM

Man after following your thread for so long i just want to say I'm sorry and give you a bro hug.

Newlifeisgreat posted 10/14/2019 08:05 AM

What are you doing? Why are you doing this to yourself?

Yes, she put you in this Hell, but YOU are keeping yourself there.

Rustylife posted 10/14/2019 08:55 AM

Wow. Consider my opinion changed about polygraphs. It seems that the fear is sometimes enough of an impetus to come clean. But what if she had stuck to her guns and then failed? He wouldn't be any closer to the actual truth. Just that she may still be lying. And it's no guarantee that passing means that she has divulged the entire truth now. Not that it matters much. Neanderthal bro, I hope you have found enough to resolve this in a conclusive way now. You and your daughter are in my thoughts. Stay well.

And again, any new BS reading this thread, please DO NOT bring your cheating partner on this site. If they feel like repairing the damage, there are so many resources online, they can look for it on their own. This whole performance they do is purely for image management purpose. I'm sure eventually when Neanderthal would have divorced her, which has been his inclination since Day1 as he realized the phony nature of her story and behavior afterwards, the story would have been about this poor WS who was willing to do anything but he wasn't ready to "get over it". Absolutely pathetic. Incapable of any honesty and trying to paint the BS in an unfavorable light in front of a bunch of strangers. Who knows what she's saying to people IRL.

Again,I'm so sorry brother. Keep yourself focused and think of your healing. Life will go on. You'll emerge stronger. You've been on the money and dealt with this as well as can be expected. Even if it doesn't feel like it right now, you're doing so well. Condolences on the passing of your mother.

GoldenR posted 10/14/2019 08:58 AM

Very sorry, Neanderthal. Very, VERY sorry. I was really hoping she had been telling the truth the whole time.

I forget if hes married. If he is, tell her everything.

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