"You can survive this. Talk to others that have"

Hosea12 posted 10/16/2019 08:33 AM

Hey, another question: what to tell my kids (ages 15 and 13)?

They think they're going overseas next week. Now they aren't going to, but Momma might be going.

I don't want them to hate her (well, maybe I do, but I recognize that that's my pain speaking).

Tell them just Momma and Daddy are getting divorced, not a good time for them to travel? I don't want to give them the impression that they're being punished for not doing their school work (since WW left them without guidance or direction), but one of the biggest factors is that I have zero confidence that my wife will see that they're educated properly. (When they were younger, she was a very good home school teacher. Now? She just wants her POS boyfirend.)

recovering2018 posted 10/16/2019 09:03 AM

I'm a little unclear on the advice given to you by your lawyer. I would not confront wife nor tell her anything until you have a very clear plan to prevent your kids from leaving the country.

Are there any formal options for keeping your kids in the country? i.e. file some sort of temporary custody paperwork and or transfer passports to the court and require a hearing for their release?

I'm not a lawyer and I'm sure the rules vary by state, but until this is 100% buttoned up, I don't think confronting wife or disclosing to children helps you.

[This message edited by recovering2018 at 9:03 AM, October 16th (Wednesday)]

nekonamida posted 10/16/2019 09:17 AM

I think until you're 100% sure what's going on and have confronted your WW, just tell them it's not a good time to travel. That they haven't done anything wrong but it's not a good time.

Only consider R if she proves herself worthy of R through her actions. Until then, follow through with the D. Don't allow her to guilt you, blame you, or believe any empty promises.

Freeme posted 10/16/2019 12:44 PM

Hey, another question: what to tell my kids (ages 15 and 13)?

Their old enough that they are probably guessing what is going on with Mom when she disappears for half the day and is on the phone texting the other half. They have seen what a good homeschool is like and now they are seeing this.

I'd tell them that Mom and I are having problem in the marriage that traveling out of the country right now would not be good. If they ask you if she is having an affair or other pointed questions do not lie. Actually, they are old enough that you can tell them the truth. You don't want them thinking that the divorce is because they are failing at school.

You are also going to need to address them going back to public school. I'd get them enrolled as soon as possible. It's going to be hard but it's still early in the school year.

What are you plan for confrontation? I'd suggest you have a VAR on you incase it gets ugly.

You do not need to reveal your source just tell her that you KNOW she is having an affair. That the information you have is indisputable and that more lies will just make the situation worse.

I'd state the facts - I know you are having an affair, the kids are not leaving with you, but you can go without them.

tushnurse posted 10/16/2019 15:24 PM

I agree with the whole confrontation thing until you are clear on what you are going to do.

As far as she goes, just say I know that they are behind in their school work and to prevent any delays in graduation, and getting into college you are keeping them here, but she is free to go.

I would tell the kids the same thing. time to focus on school If they get caught up and there is still time, maybe consider going at a later date, at least until legally you have a way to prevent this from happening.