Hi there,
A bit of back history
I've been married 20 years and have three children
This isn't the first time this has happened, but there's a difference to this one.
All the other times (4) she was drunk. Which I know is not an excuse but it was only kissing bad but because I love her I almost saw these as if she was kissing family that she hadn't seen for a while.
And we all do things while drunk...
BUT THIS TIME THERE WAS NO DRINKING INVOLVED
She works at a site cafe with loads of guys
Lately she has been more secretive and hiding what she is texting
So I got suspicious and did a wrong thing and looked at her phone
There are a lot of messages that are encrypted from guys
When asked she said that she didn't know why these messages were encrypted and that it was the guys texting their orders in
But the was one text which had no name to it
And was quite intense
When I confronted her see said that she didn't know who it was.... THIS I CANT BELIEVE the messages where to personal
She smashed the phone in front of me
Since this happened I haven't slept eaten or wanted to do anything I feel numb and empty
I've always known that she is my soul mate
The other time really hurt but there was a face
This time as she said that she didn't know who it was is somehow worse it means to me that it could be anyone
She says that I haven't been paying her any attention and that this was exciting.but she swears that there was no sexual activity just texting.
I work hard 6 days a week and yes after hearing what she said I realised she was right BUT... that's no excuse to do this.
Everything I do is for her and my family
(I know everyone says that) but it's true
I took a job I truly hate to provide for her and the kids as a good husband should.
She saI'd that she was sorry and wants to make things right. Whatever it takes. After reading an article on here, she has said that she'll quit her job, that I can check her phone whenever I want..
Because I truly love her I agreed to give it a go.
But I'm still empty
And I know it's going to be a hard and long process
But then her boss called her and said that she needs her to work the rest of the week so she has time to find a replacement.
My WW said she won't do it unless I say it's ok
Three days and that's it she's done
I'm not happy about this but I guess trust has to start some where but I actually feel pain and my mind is hurling all sort of images and thoughts
I can't stop shaking
I want so much to sort things out
I have said to her that all I want is for her to be happy even if that's not with me
(IM SUCH A PUSSY) I haven't got a nasty bone in my body
But I'm so confused angry betrayed alone!!!
I've had family members died and I didn't feel this bad
Not sure what to do
I know it's not going to go away and that there's a long road ahead
But the fact is is there's no trust anymore
When I hear the phone go off or when she's using the phone I feel apsolute dread