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What to do when your BS is questioning everything.

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hikingout posted 12/11/2019 17:25 PM

Hahaha well I will not voluntarily have him witness it. Nor do I wish to voluntarily witness him. I am aware one of us might be changing the otherís diaper one day, but until then we can leave that off the table

IHatePickingName posted 12/11/2019 19:40 PM

I sometimes forget there are people who get privacy to poop... I swear the kids have a silent alarm on me closing the bathroom door. 🙈🙈🙈🤣🤣🤣 The worst of it? It has a really easy lock to pick. I learned this when my four year old popped it in like a second, when i tried to have a bath in peace one day.

End t/j. I wouldnt stay if i didnt think there was a high likelihood i could be all in one day. I agree it is a choice i make, and one i continuously make, like i always did before infidelity. I can forgive, i can heal, and, although i would never have believed it possible before i had to find out the hard way, i can trust again. I need to have evidence to back up restored trust, but i can get there, because i recognize that my husband is a flawed individual who made monstrous choices he would do anything to take back, and not a monster himself. He cant take them back, of course, but he *can* do everything in his power to repair the damage and to be better and safer than before. That will be the foundation of the rebuilt trust: proven effort and actions over time. Trust but verify and all 😊

ThisIsSoLonely posted 12/20/2019 08:25 AM

To clarify PinkPiggy's comment:

I guess I'm stuck on the "may never be enough". Who (BS or WS) wants that?

That is the part that means "let go of the outcome." I didn't mean keep doing it for the rest of your life - I meant keep doing it knowing that it may not work out in the end. Keep working until you both feel like you have exhausted all options.

Hell no, I didn't want to talk about this crap everyday for the rest of my life with my WH. I wanted to get through it too.

I think so many WS on here (and everywhere most likely) think to themselves "This doesn't seem to be working - my BS will never be happy again" or "We will never get through this" or "My BS says he/she isn't sure if they can get through this" and stop.

Brokenlifer posted 12/26/2019 08:25 AM

I guess I'm stuck on the "may never be enough". Who (BS or WS) wants that? It doesn't seem like any way to live.
No BS wanted to live like that, that's why they didn't cheat. It's not their fault and they didnt have a choice. In the infidelity, in their pain, feeling like it's never enough, or in the fact that that's no way to live. The WS did that, so it's a but rich that they then realise it's not way to live after ruining their spouse's life, who now is the one in far more pain through no choices of their own. That's no way to live but thet didnt have a choice.

Yet they still try so the least very least the WS can do is try to make their lives better and less painful as much as they can. If you ruin your own husband/wife's life and don't feel 1toy owe it to them to try to make it better, you don't deserve them and being with a WS like that is no way to live.

I hope if theres anyone who reads these forums that haven't cheated just come here to find out about infidelity, sees the part about not believing BS can ever be all in, and understands they shouldn't cheat on their spouses because that was a possibility all along. The WS knew it and cheated anyway so if they're not grateful enough to still be with their BS that they're expecting unfairly that they'd be all in but they're in too much pain to be then those WS don't deserve their faithful, loyal, spouses who are loving enough to give a second chance to their cheating spouse who ruined their lives.

I dont believe that WS can ever love their spouses as much or be completely authentic, even so the BS has no way to tell and they've already shown that they're liars.

But the BS' still try and be all in even with those crushing doubts. Maybe that's no way to live but why continue. Not exactly harder to live with a spouse that kind to you, in comparison it's interesting that the WS would think about whether it's any way to live feeling loved by their spouse who will never feel like they're loved as much by their cheating spous, after they've already done the damage.

No point on wondering what's anyway to live for a BS as their WS already did the damage and the BS has limited opportunity to change this. WS can't always understand that, fortunately for then. At least they can find comfort in being loved so much they kept their spouse after breaking them.

EvolvingSoul posted 2/17/2020 22:12 PM

Bumped for WS with struggling BS.

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