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Do I say something to exís gf?

Phcj123 posted 11/8/2019 12:21 PM

Question. So it is likely that I will end up running in to my husbands new girlfriend as she lives in my neighborhood. He cheated 2 months ago and left me for her. Have a 1 year old that we share custody now. If I do run in to her should I say something to her ? Or just walk by with dirty look lol? If I do say something was thinking of saying that Iím sure my husband fed you a bunch of bs saying our marriage was terrible etc but he just said that to justify your relationship. And the fact that he could just walk out on a marriage and baby just shows his true values and thatís not someone I want to be with. Considering you both have similar values Iím sure it will work out great for you but not sure how both of you can look at my son and not feel guilty. Good luck with everything and hope it works out. He did cheat on his last gf too so youíre prob not the last. I think I am just dreaming of doing this and prob will never happen haha.

layla1234 posted 11/8/2019 12:56 PM

A year ago I would have said this was perfect but I've learned alot about APs. I think silence is the best way to go. Better believe she will come to you first when she suspects him of cheating on her.

Freeme posted 11/8/2019 13:08 PM

She was dating him while he was married to you and with a new born. She knew this and ignored it then... she's not going to "get it" from you saying it. Ignore -

the fact that he could just walk out on a marriage and baby just shows his true values and thatís not someone I want to be with.

MamaDragon posted 11/8/2019 13:29 PM

She knew he was married when she started "dating" him. I bet if she sees you, she will walk away.

IF she doesn't, silence is golden. I'd also have a little smirk on my face, cause then she will wonder what YOU know that she doesn't.

Phcj123 posted 11/8/2019 13:38 PM

MamaDragon, Freeme, layla1234, this is all true. More mature to ignore and be the bigger person. I think it is just nice to dream of saying these things to her but in reality probably not worth my breath.

RedHeadTemper posted 11/8/2019 13:54 PM

Enjoy your leftovers!

That's what I'd say.

Evermore posted 11/8/2019 14:30 PM

I would take my power back and introduce myself. You have nothing to be ashamed of, your lives have crossed because of a shameful act on her part.

Not kill them with kindness, kill them by making them revisit their shame.

I was a bully growing up and nothing is harder than them acknowledging me in some way. Like, I see you and we both know who you are at your worst.

Silence is probably better than attacking, but neutrality can be painful as well. It breaks their narrative that somehow this is ok. That somehow their love story is anything but a shit show

Phcj123 posted 11/8/2019 19:09 PM

Evermore, but if I am nice to her would she think that I am okay with all this and then justify it to herself itís not that bad ? She keeps stalking my instagram stories too. Sheís definitely insecure about this.

Evermore posted 11/8/2019 19:20 PM

@Phcj12 It is hard to say what she will think. I think it is safe to say that any interaction with you will cause her to think a lot. The fact she is cyber stalking is a sign of her being preoccupied with you. I suspect any interaction with you will cause a lot of dissonance for her

Phcj123 posted 11/8/2019 19:44 PM

Evermore, ok I see what you are saying now. Yea I feel like she has a lil tiny conscience in her and itís easier to act like you donít care when you havenít met the person. Pretty sure she has met my child so not sure how she can do that and live with herself. On the other hand my husband has no conscience clearly lol.

The1stWife posted 11/9/2019 02:15 AM

First you have no idea what she has been told by the STBXH. So Iím not saying cut her some slack or sheís innocent, but from her perspective she could have been told that you were separated or divorcing. Iím just sayin......

Second if she is having ANY interaction with your child you may want to think twice about poking the hornetís nest if you know what I mean.

Third sheís stalking your SM. What does that tell you? Sheís insecure about the relationship, she fears he may try to get back together with you and/or she views you as a threat.

Sheís in a bad relationship. She may not know it but you do. You know how this will play out. One day you will be getting some attempt at contact from her as she will be in your shoes. Just wait.

If you see her in person, I would wait for her to speak first. Be polite but distant. Remember forcing her to speak to you first or approach you first is a power thing. And if she does approach you - you will know you are in control.

You win!

Phcj123 posted 11/9/2019 06:18 AM

The1stWife, she definitely knew he was married with a child at the time she was trying to get him. He was her personal trainer and they were calling each other multiple times a day. I do cut her slack in that he was telling her how awful our relationship was. (Which is not true). So she is probably telling herself this is for the best.

I kinda also think she knows sheís in a bad relationship. My ex is a very good looking ďniceĒ guy and no offense but sheís not very attractive and sheís older. Sheís prob super excited about all this new attention. But deep down knows it isnít right. Wonder if eventually it will eat her up and sheíll get out or maybe cause too many fights between them itíll fizzle. Just canít wait for the day ! But then again who knows. Maybe they are just good for each other since they share the same values!

hcsv posted 11/9/2019 08:08 AM

Id simply say "You arent his last, you are just his next.

sisoon posted 11/9/2019 08:25 AM

NC = no new hurts.

I recommend ignoring her, even if you walk past her or vice versa.

If she talks to you, maybe tell her she has no right to talk to you - just one simple sentence.

anoldlion posted 11/9/2019 17:48 PM

Do what a lady I know of did. My wife has a very close friend who married a man that had cheated on his first wife many times. He was divorced when my wife's friend started dating him . When they announced they where getting married, the first wife sent my wife's friend a sympathy card telling her how sorry she was for what was about to happen to her. Needless to say my wife's friend is no longer married to him. He just couldn't keep his pants zipped. She said she was warned but didn't listen. You are better off than you would be staying with a compulsive cheater. I do wish you well.

pearlamici posted 11/9/2019 18:01 PM

smile and say "Past is prologue." Or ask "which girlfriend are you?"

totallydumb posted 11/9/2019 22:21 PM

Or just say " Your not really his girlfriend, it is just your turn."

Phcj123 posted 11/10/2019 08:54 AM

anoldlion, ha thatís smart and too bad she didnít listen. But I guess she will get whatís coming to her. She should know she wonít be the last.

PSTI posted 11/10/2019 14:28 PM

Take the high road. Very little good can come of any kind of interaction.

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