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Anyone used a "coach"?

TX1995 posted 11/13/2019 10:03 AM

I'm currently looking for a new therapist - one that specializes in betrayal trauma.

The one licensed therapist within 30 minutes of me that is also a CSAT/APSATS trained is not only off insurance, but her office is very close to the parking garage where my awesome husband had sex in his car with the cOW. So I am not ready to go over there yet.

There are two other "coaches" within 30 minutes.

I'm just curious if anyone else has used one. The plus is that I know they have also been through betrayal but I'm also feeling a little wary of going to someone who isn't a trained and licensed therapist.

deena04 posted 11/13/2019 12:10 PM

No experience with that, but I do know that the word coach is a loose term that may or may not signify experience level. Research whoever you choose and make sure they are legit. Maybe ask for a doctorís referral as well. Sometimes they know of closer ones you might not realize are close.

k8la posted 11/13/2019 19:26 PM

Coaches rarely take insurance. They typically don't have "credentials" in respect to traditional schools. Some are really really bad, crooked, expensive, etc. But others are actually really effective at building skills in personal resilience and relationship building. High prices are not indicative of frauds, necessarily.

I've used a few coaches in my life. The first one I paid for professional skill development, and saw significant results, because he not only taught me, but he required accountability on a daily basis, challenged my thinking, especially in how I saw myself. The second coach I paid 4 times as much as the 1st coach and got diddly-squat out of it. He's built up a whole boat load of bad karma for the people he's ripped off. The third coach promised nothing, and charged as much as the bad coach did. But I'm seeing some serious skill development going on in myself, and in the people in the program with me. One coach I did not hire had such a sleazy feel about him he just creeped me out! He has charged people's credit cards without permission, uses legal intimidation and every one of his "endorsements are fake-people, where he's ripped off people's FB pictures and names, but set up a second account with their name, and talked in glowing terms about how wonderful he is and how amazing their life is as a result.

Endorsements, recommendations are absolutely meaningless in this day and age, unless it's someone you know and trust personally; and even then, affinity fraud is real.

This is how I determine a good coach:

1. Do they hold me accountable in the first conversation they have with me? Can they sleuth out my self-deceptions in that initial call? Do they call me out on it?

2. What does my gut tell me? My gut kept me away from most of the slime-balls out there. One slipped through, but only because I really really wanted what he was promising, and I let my emotions blind me. So before expressing interest in a coaching program, do some sleuthing about them. There is a very well known PhD who has an online presence in the marriage space who makes me cringe every time I see someone post here about his methods, or use certain verbiage that I know comes from his material. He takes credit for marriages saved that required the betrayed spouse play doormat for a short time - even a day is too much IMHO. I have no idea how much he charges for his coaching program, but he definitely has a presence.

3. What is their philosophy about marriage and infidelity? Does that philosophy align with your personal values, sense of right and wrong, and hold the wayward accountable for bad behavior? Interview them - list out questions in advance. If they push back, flip the conversation back to your pain, be careful. You deserve to know how they approach relationships and personal development.

Charlotte77 posted 11/14/2019 03:16 AM

TX1995 Iím afraid I have no advice to offer, but if you do end up seeing a coach Iíd love to hear how it was afterwards. Thanks

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