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A Surviving Update

Momo24 posted 11/14/2019 08:10 AM

Hello to all those helped me find my center path of riding this shit show. My story is only different because it's about me and my life, my hope, my weakness, and hurt. I don't log in much, now where the first couple of months I was always refreshing the page for reinforcement, acknowledgment, or whatever I was crushed with. I can say it was a hell of lot.

I have kept asking myself, even before this crushing lesson came to light, what lesson am I being taught in this journey of my life. I guess adapt was one step, but I lost myself and voice to stand up for myself. Another step was to focus on what I could change and what makes me happy. Because I have lost myself many times over the years, it is hard to see what it is.

With all the kicks I have dealt with over the years, it's FLIPPING hard not to give up when feeling overwhelm. I don't like to fight or anger. I'm been told that I can be overly sensitive. It has always been easier to fight for the underdog. But once again, if I am the underdog, it seems that I have no one in my corner. So learning that being me is me. Ok,done with the philosophy of me, lol.

I get emotional and the raw hurt floods back when I read a paragraph or two--so I avoid. It's ok there has been a lot for me to handle (here ducks, duckies line up, damn it) this last 1 1/2. To find out that you have been living in a lie--for how long? Good question, I will never know which causes another dark door calling your inter-self to negatives.

Beside avoiding, I am finally making major changes. I got a new job. Time to get out of the toxic atmosphere I have been in for several years. A better job more benefits--health insurance, which was another scare, I am having to deal with but that is another path I am not really talking about. I was happy that I stood up for myself last day at work--once again being chastised because of their insecurities. I am excited about the challenge. Will be living close to my elderly mom, but knowing that this will also envelope my weakness for not focusing on developing my self centeriness on what I need and want. Today, as I pack my house to move, I realized that I am also scared, the hurt is shut behind a door. We all know that the door can be pushed open.

Anyways, I am moving forward. Making changes. Oh, I know the road I am on isn't smooth because I still have to deal with other hurts. So still on this emotional roller coaster ride of life. I guess no quiet, simple, easy life for this woman with shit kicking boots on. But I am surviving.

timespent posted 11/14/2019 08:36 AM

I'm glad you're surviving Momo!! Here with you on your journey and sending continued strength and virtual hugs!

The1stWife posted 11/14/2019 11:34 AM

I hope you are pleasantly surprised.

fareast posted 11/14/2019 18:18 PM

Hang in there momo24. I recall your posts. Keep moving ahead. I too hope you are pleasantly surprised.

BearlyBreathing posted 11/14/2019 23:19 PM

Sending you best wishes on the next step in your journey! You’ve come a long way!

cocoplus5nuts posted 11/15/2019 05:32 AM

Change is scary, but it's sometimes needed. I hope all the best for you!

Momo24 posted 11/15/2019 10:57 AM

Thanks everyone. I still miss NoMercy. She was blunt, but to the point. This site helped me gather my strength quickly. I am still dealing with my lying, cheating husband. Because I have different circumstances, I am dealing with it my way. Ok, there is a bit of revenge involved, but I was up front on who and what I am. The spitefulness isn't something I allow in my life, but what can I say, but I am hurt and pissed. His lost. What does he expect? Me sitting here waiting on him to amends his ways with lying words? Nope. A little taste of own his medicine without the intimate hurt. It's been almost an year that he walked out the door, and hasn't done anything to be better or truly truthful. And how would I know if he is truth--now.

It was a fast surprise, and everything is happening quickly. But it is a step in the right direction for this woman. Time has helped, and I probably had it easier because I didn't have to deal with him face to face on a daily basis. I also know that it was only one road I could travel. I just wasn't ready back then, now I am. This shit show still sucks!

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