"You can survive this. Talk to others that have"

EllieKMAS posted 12/13/2019 16:05 PM

My divorce is final today. Feels weird - in that I don't feel much about it at all. Is that because I already got through the bulk of the grief earlier this year when we separated, or in the 9 months of false R? I dunno, but some part of me feels like I am waiting for a shoe to drop, but I don't know if that is just residual shit from all the infidelity stuff or if I will all of a sudden have a breakdown about it. If I do, I do and I'll work through it, but for right now I feel OK with it.

Kinda rambling, but just feels surreal that my M is officially over. As much as I don't care about being normal, am I normal for feeling this way? Or shall I go and find a nice huggy jacket and some psych meds?

crazyblindsided posted 12/13/2019 16:18 PM

(((EllieKMAS))) I imagine it would feel surreal. I feel like I have been grieving these last couple of months in IHS. Will be moving in March and filing legal separation. D will be on the horizon for me.

Congratulations on your New Beginning! I hope that you don't have any sudden breakdowns but understand if you do. This is not an easy thing to go through at all. Maybe a celebration is in order with glitter bombs!

Newbeginnings24 posted 12/13/2019 16:23 PM

That’s great news!

You feel how you feel and I don’t imagine there is a right or wrong way. Take pressure from yourself and enjoy the aspects of this experience that you are enjoying (if I can say that word) and the bits that you are uncertain about don’t matter. I think we all analyse our feelings when it comes to separation, dealing with a weirdo and divorce because the situation is so stressful and it takes control of your mind at times.

What can be said and confirmed is that you are officially free and that must be exhilarating. You’ve survived and overcome the most heartbreaking and traumatic time in your life. People say one of the most....but I say it is the most! Nothing compares to this.

I hope you enjoy your weekend and settle into your comfortable place where you are safe in your thoughts and free from his turmoil.

NB x

EllieKMAS posted 12/13/2019 16:37 PM

CBS - guuuuurl, glitter bombs? You are SO speaking my language!

NB!! How are you doing dear one? Haven't talked in a while!

Ripped62 posted 12/13/2019 16:46 PM

Surrealistic.... YES

(((EllieKMAS)))

skeetermooch posted 12/13/2019 19:03 PM

Ellie,

Huge congrats - you did it!!!
Maybe you did all of your mourning during post dday or maybe you brain just wants to coast and it will creep in. You sound way too grounded for a nervous breakdown - trust me I know someone close to one

You're on the other side - wait for me, I'm coming!

EllieKMAS posted 12/13/2019 19:28 PM

Come to the dark side Skeeter.... We have cookies!!

I'll keep your seat reserved!

ShatteredSakura posted 12/13/2019 19:51 PM

((EllieKMAS))

Wow on Friday the 13th no less. IMO, I think it would be not normal not to be touched by it emotionally and not have it feel surreal.

[This message edited by ShatteredSakura at 10:59 PM, December 13th (Friday)]

BearlyBreathing posted 12/13/2019 20:17 PM

I think mixed emotions is about right. And I think the roller coaster has one or two hills left for you... but you are approaching the end of that ride.

Congratulations — having it on Friday the 13th is just too perfect.

Celebrate however feels right to you. And where are the cookies?? How have I missed the cookies??

Chili posted 12/13/2019 22:16 PM

Cookies? Did someone say cookies?

I actually had a holiday-season maintenance session with longtime IC today and guess what he gave me at the end? That's right. A big old cookie. So it must be cookie day. (Either that, or I was really good at being all up in my feelings or something and got a reward).

So yes - cookie day.

And divorce actually final day.

And Christmas Card Exchange day.

And feeling a little trippy/surreal day.

Ellie - you've been through such a goat rope, I say you deserve a big heaping dose of I'm going to feel whatever I want or absolutely nothing-at-all. And yeah - normal schmormal. SOOOoooo glad this is officially over for you.

PS t/j: In my session today, we devised a new fun little coping game to get through the holidays. I'm calling it "dysfunctional bingo." Was laughing so hard I was crying. Sometimes you need to flip things on their ass and find the hysterical. I bet your own card would be priceless.

EllieKMAS posted 12/13/2019 22:34 PM

Sakura & BB - I know right? Friday the 13th... maybe not such bad luck after all eh?

Chili - OK I have to know how you play dysfunctional bingo cus that sounds like my game... Maybe we should find a way to make it an SI thread?

Also 'nother t/j - Loved your card! As soon as I saw the return address picture I started laughing, like I know who that one is from!!

HeHadADoubleLife posted 12/13/2019 23:14 PM

Congrats Ellie!

Go get yourself some rhinestones, some E600, and something to bedazzle. The glue fumes should serve as a substitute for psych meds... or drugs, whatever.

We in the industry call it getting rhinestoned. I'm kidding... sort of

Kinda wishing I had signed up for the Xmas card exchange now TBH.

ETA: Chili, dysfunctional bingo sounds fabulous!

[This message edited by HeHadADoubleLife at 11:15 PM, December 13th (Friday)]

EllieKMAS posted 12/13/2019 23:40 PM

HHADL I really need to find out how to turn my sparkle obsession into a job LOL

CatsNTats posted 12/14/2019 02:48 AM

HOPEFULLY - this is a weight lifted for you. You're now legally free of him. This does not have to be a bad thing Ellie. This can be your new beginning.

hansvoleman posted 12/14/2019 03:07 AM

some part of me feels like I am waiting for a shoe to drop

Think of it as a glass slipper not a boot. If it drops, it shatters on the hard stone. You sweep up the pieces, throw them away and go out to play in the sunshine. Congratulations on the new beginning.

J707 posted 12/14/2019 09:38 AM

Happy Friday the 13th! You made it. My divorce was final on 7-11, so guess who's gonna get a free slurpee at 7-11 every year and enjoy the hell out of it

Honestly when I got the news I couldn't believe it was finally over, a weight was lifted and I was free from being married to queen Darth Vader, it was very surreal. For me about a month later emotions flooded me. I think it was all the stress from Dday and lawyer meetings and all that. Now I'm a single guy who doesn't feel the need for anybody, I'm completely comfortable by myself, it's a beautiful feeling. Congratulations, you made it! If you want to celebrate, celebrate. If you want to reflect back, reflect. You did it!!

EllieKMAS posted 12/14/2019 11:50 AM

CnT - I definitely am viewing it as a new beginning! Doesn't mean there still aren't some hard days, but I know deep down that I very much better off without him in my life. Just very glad that it got done before the new year so I can have a clean start.

Hans - I like the glass slipper analogy!

J707 - D slurpees Love it! Also started humming the imperial march... I know I'm lucky in that my D was pretty simple - we didn't have kids or share title on anything, so was quick and cheap. Kind of anti-climactic really. I think that may be part of what is weird inside about it. Surely there should be more fanfare?