SurvivingInfidelity.com® > Divorce/Separation

layla1234 posted 12/14/2019 09:06 AM

It wasn't as terrible as I thought, especially with a teething 3 month old. I started the divorce proceedings online last night. This marriage can't be saved. He's lied so much, he can't even muddle through what was true/not true with myself and his AP. He continued to talk to her which I always suspected, but he denied any contact and told me he would tell me if there was. I struggle wondering if it ever was a PA. There's just no way up from this.

Our situation is complicated. We've been in an ongoing lawsuit regarding our house and repairs that need to be made. This is important if we decide to sell as well. So we are in a weird separation type that is both in house and out. He works from home alot and his office is here. When I need him to leave, he goes to his moms. I know this is not ideal, but I guess it works for the kids right now. It's such a hard time for all of this. I never thought this would be my life. I hope everyone is handling the upcoming holidays OK.

Maudlin posted 12/14/2019 09:26 AM

I’m sorry Layla. I never thought this would be my life either, and the crappy thing is it never had to be. But it’s best to just move on, I wish I had when my kids were small and he did this. I wasted so much time for nothing at all.

You have your whole life ahead and a chance to make a new one without this pain. You can do it, and it will be worth it.

ibonnie posted 12/14/2019 09:37 AM

He continued to talk to her which I always suspected, but he denied any contact and told me he would tell me if there was.

JFC! After he left his job he continued contact!? You deserve better layla. The holidays are hard. Keeping you and your babies in my thoughts.

layla1234 posted 12/14/2019 09:54 AM

@ibonnie

As far as I know, not after he left but pretty much up until I found out I was pregnant at least. But again, who the hell really knows?

But yes, he did not stay no contact from Dday until about the time I polygraphed him. He also did not want to do the second one, presumably because he was still in contact or knew I was going to ask if the timeline was true. He admitted (not confessed) new one on one dates I never knew about that happened during the affair. He met up with her at a concert and bought her a drink. She told all her friends about him. All stuff that would have been pretty helpful to understand their relationship before hand but he refused to share their secrets.

This woman has been an issue repeatedly in our marriage and I find it hard to believe they just stopped talking after 7 years of flirting and secrecy.

BearlyBreathing posted 12/14/2019 11:15 AM

Glad you survived the night and see the peace that there can be. Hope the legal issues resolve soon. You are strong and doing great.

nekonamida posted 12/14/2019 14:55 PM

Layla, it gets better every day. As long as you stand strong on your boundaries, you can make it work until your ducks are in a row. Just be sure to completely ignore any begging and pleading from him that does not include the truth and a passed polygraph.

layla1234 posted 12/14/2019 19:04 PM

At this point I don't need another polygraph. He let me bring another child into this mess knowing he was still keeping things from me. He told me this forum is making me crazy. Always placing blame somewhere else and not on himself for fucking lying over and over and over. It's unforgivable. I need to let him go.

[This message edited by layla1234 at 7:07 PM, December 14th (Saturday)]

Bleu posted 12/14/2019 20:34 PM

So happy the first night went well. You have your hands full but are doing an amazing job.

IHS sucks but it's temporary. It will pass.

You are so much closer to getting out of infidelity.

Woohoo!

2yearsoflies posted 12/22/2019 23:04 PM

Sending good vibes your way. I’ll be in your shoes soon enough. I have a 5, 3year old, and 2 month old. I’ve hired an attorney to go against my narcissistic cheating husband. I’ve only had 2 appointments and haven’t broached the subject with my husband yet. He thinks we’re working on the marriage, but I’m just biding time until after Christmas and when I can meet with my attorney again.

I’m already dreading and crying over my first night that will be alone. I hope you’re able to cuddle with your kiddos or watch a funny movie and enjoy a glass of wine.

dblackstar2002 posted 12/23/2019 07:30 AM

I Know you hear people say this all the time, Just like I know you are in a place where it is almost impossible to believe this, but it does get better. You will find that day by day this will start to be your life, You will add friends, Family, New hobbies and a whole lot more. But you have to give yourself time and put yourself out there to experience new things. Good luck to you....

IHatePickingName posted 12/23/2019 07:55 AM

((((hugs))))

I am so sorry you learned more lies but i hope they give you the strength to ger through this. You know this is the right decision, and you are protecting yourself and your children. I wish you peace moving forward.

WhoTheBleep posted 12/23/2019 08:59 AM

You're doing great, Layla. It must feel really good to take your power back by filing for divorce. I know it did for me. It was the most empowering day of my life. It was the day I said I will not tolerate being treated this way. You can continue being an a****** but I am not required to stay here and accept it. I am leaving, goodbye.

[This message edited by WhoTheBleep at 8:59 AM, December 23rd (Monday)]

Dragonfly123 posted 12/24/2019 06:04 AM

Layla, you rock! To be this determined with such a small baby is amazing. Well done for getting through your first night.