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Karma doesn't feel like I thought it would

Starzen posted 12/14/2019 16:24 PM

Karma has finally come to visit my ex, with felony 1 aggravated assault charges on both him and his girlfriend initiated three days ago. Apparently they both beat up a guy and very seriously injured him. Lovely.

I knew karma would come, I thought I'd laugh and be relieved. Justice, yayyy! Nope, not at all. Have spent the afternoon crying, still perplexed after all this time at the deterioration of this once really good man. I realize the universe is getting him back in spades, but I instead still wish he would have been strong enough to get his life together, rather than piss it all away, for a trash life. Alcohol took him away.....

Now instead he's looking at two to 20 years. He's gone, he's lost himself, he's lost his soul, and he had everything a person could desire. I'll never get it, and still all this time later, wonder if there will ever be just ONE DAY I don't think about him and everything he has demolished for himself. I'm fine, in fact I'm thriving. It's just so damn sad to watch someone fall. It could have been so different but he chose to sabotage everything in his life.

BearlyBreathing posted 12/14/2019 16:36 PM

Addictions are awful. And it is sad to see someone you cared about lose themselves. And that you care still shows the depth of compassion and kindness in you. (((Hugs)))

rebplay posted 12/14/2019 17:09 PM

I think you are a kind and compassionate person as well. It says something very genuine about you.

fareast posted 12/14/2019 17:26 PM

Very sorry Starzen. You gave this man so many chances beginning in August 2014. But every time he was fake and kept cheating. You did more than anyone has a right to expect. But he was bound and determined on his path to self destruction. Not only destroying your relationship but so much more. Unfortunately, the path leading to where he is today was a certainty. I am glad that you loved yourself enough to break it off permanently.

Bleu posted 12/14/2019 20:38 PM

It has been difficult to see people I love in diminished states. My heart goes out to you.

I am truly inspired by your empathy and compassion. It's wonderful that you removed yourself from the situation and can watch the destruction from afar.

3greatkids posted 12/14/2019 20:46 PM

It is truly sad isnít it? Iím so glad for you that you were able to move through and on and keep your humanity and compassion.

skeetermooch posted 12/14/2019 20:48 PM

That is tragic. I'm so sorry.

You're truly decent and moral to have wanted the best for him.

The1stWife posted 12/15/2019 10:53 AM

Itís hard to watch someone you live make poor choices.

That is why 6 months after dday1 I told my H he was free to be with the OW or anyone else. I was not going to do it anymore and support and care and try to help and discuss.

He was on his own.

I would have had to watch him self destruct b/c there was no going back. And she was manipulating him to D me b/c she didnít want to be the OW. And he was going along planning the D.

Luckily for him he woke up at the last possible second. Because he wound have been a broke unhappy guy who missed his kids.

Starzen posted 12/16/2019 18:07 PM

Both of them arrested today, with $25,000 bail imposed. I'm doing wrong by wrapping up any time in this, thinking about, talking to his brother, hearing from my friend about. But I can't help it.

BearlyBreathing posted 12/16/2019 21:02 PM

Your feelings dontí just stop. So it seems natural you care. But you canít get involvedó you canít save him from himself.

Hang in there. Iím sure this is really hard, like watching a train wreck in slow motion. :-(

Newbeginnings24 posted 12/18/2019 00:28 AM

I can relate to this topic.....my WH had his work bag stolen yesterday. My first response was, Heís lying. I wouldnít of thought this 5 months ago but think everything he says and does now is a lie! But then I thought aww how can I help him?! STOP it you silly woman, help? You canít help someone who is a narcissist and get away pain free.

Luckily I woke up this morning and it actually made me smile. It had his new laptop in that his parents bought him (he can afford his own, but why not buy one for him and reward his recent good behaviour eh!!), his passport, car and house keys! Oh lifeís a bitch sometimes, hopefully a little dose of the karma thatís to come!

NB x

hopefullife posted 12/18/2019 08:53 AM

It's just so damn sad to watch someone fall. It could have been so different but he chose to sabotage everything in his life.

Damn I can relate to this much. My POS is sabotaging his life. Because our love was genuine and our souls are genuinely good, we cannot help but be sad and care even to people who broke us.

Starzen posted 12/28/2019 16:30 PM

So he got out on bail while his girlfriend remained. Figured sheíd be in jail until the trial since she violated probation, but nope, they let her out too after one week. Baffles my mind., this justice system....

I thought maybe this was his rock bottom, he actually called me and cried and said heís ashamed for everything he did to me. I had never heard that before. I was shocked. Heís now going ďto fix thingsĒ with us. 🙄. Ok, whatever you say there mister.

That shock didnít last long.... I talked to his brother who told me the ex was actively trying to get his girlfriend out of jail, and get her son back from the dad, and he didnít leave her home even after the family bailed him out. So go figure. Trauma bonding at its finest going on there!

Iíll await the trial in March, but so far these two seem to catch a break from the law each time they screw up. Heís currently in the process of destroying his relationship with his own family now over all of this. SMH. He still canít be reached. Oh well Itís kind of like watching a movie now. My romantic interests now lie elsewhere, so that helps. Amazing how time changes everything.

[This message edited by Starzen at 4:31 PM, December 28th (Saturday)]

Butforthegrace posted 12/28/2019 18:46 PM

In the US we often use "Karma" as a sort of synonym for a sense of revenge, somebody getting his comeuppance. But in its traditional sense, "Karma" actually refers to the logical conclusion of a series of events, once they are set into motion by a person's actions. Often, those logical conclusions are not easy to foresee. They can be surprising.

It's sad to see anybody fall to the ravages of alcohol, never mind a person you once loved. The kernel of the soul you loved is still in there somewhere.

I sense that his journey is nowhere near its Karmic conclusion and you may in the long run be surprised at where it ends up. He may be too.

DevastatedDee posted 12/31/2019 15:20 PM

I get it. I have expected my XWH to be dead pretty much constantly for the past year and a half (drugs, alcohol, suicide threats). I don't want that. I don't enjoy knowing about how far he's fallen in life. I don't like it that he has ruined everything good in his life. It gives me no joy to see consequences land on him even as I struggle with the consequences of the position he put me in. I am incredibly glad that I left and I'm pretty content with my life, but none of this is ever what I wanted. My actual wish is for him to get his shit together, be in real recovery, mend his family relationships and friendships and have a good life. I don't care to ever see him again, but I wish him no harm. Watching him fall never did fix anything for me.

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