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Wife cheated with a boy 1/2 her age

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Dismayed2012 posted 1/6/2020 12:42 PM

Given your reasoning I can't speak badly of anything you've done thus far Ks. I also recommend the poly for your own sake and sanity. As another poster indicated, it can be adjusted for nervousness. Also the questioner has done the tests enough that they can tell whether it's an actual lie or the machine. I would recommend that you list your deal-breakers in advance and decide your course of action if that line is crossed.

I agree with your thought of a temporary separation. It's important to take whatever action you need to in order to regain control over your life and choices. The last thing you want is to live your life with regret. Taking time-out for yourself is valuable if it ensures your future piece of mind.

And remember that you had nothing to do with your WW's choices. Every choice she made is on her and had nothing to do with you. She made her choices. It's your turn now to make your choices. Take care of yourself. You are the prize now.

Robert22205https posted 1/6/2020 12:50 PM

Her fear is shared by all that take a polygraph. However, an experienced tester will establish a baseline for her emotional state before asking the tough questions.

Your wife put herself in a position where her words can't be trusted. The test is now actually her best chance to open the door to R.

Inform her that you understand she may have withheld information by mistakingly thinking it will protect you from more pain.... But today is the time to change her story not tomorrow.

Ks6691 posted 1/8/2020 15:47 PM

Thank you Robert and dismayed
Yes I want no regrets. I have been patient in this process. My trip to the Ukraine was a desperate act on my part. Again not proud and it was not for revenge I swear. I was hurting so bad I needed to know I was still wanted by women. Feels so pathetic now but it may have saved my life. I swear I was running out of options to regain my sanity!
I was at the marriage C last night and we discussed polygraph and hypnosis to get her to “remember”. She always agreed to see a hypnotist but was hesitant to do a polygraph rest. I was very emotional and stated my case. The councilor understood my point. She asked my wife point blank about it. My W reluctantly agreed to take one. We will see if she follows through or not. Will see if she passes.

SlapNutsABingo posted 1/9/2020 15:11 PM

Just spoke to my wife about taking a polygraph. She is dead set against it. She says because of her anxiety disorder she feels she could never pass this test anyway. I feel she is just making excuses but wanted to ask anyone here who is very knowledgeable about poly tests. Is it true that extremely anxious people fail these even while telling the truth? I would imagine most are anxious taking these tests and the examiners take this into consideration right?
I am thinking of R but I need her to validate what she is saying now. She denies any other men and I also want to confirm the levels of sexual contact with the OM
Any advice?

Ahhh...Thumos, could you come here for a sec...

nekonamida posted 1/9/2020 17:08 PM

Ks, a polygraph is a great opportunity for a WS to put their money where their mouth is and prove their honesty. It's an opportunity to put a sizable deposit back in the trust bank. And WSes who are honest almost always agree to take one when asked. Any hesitancy is a bad sign. So hold her accountable in taking one. Make it nonnegotiable. Have her prove to you that she's serious about R and don't accept it if she puts it off or refuses to go through with it.

Ks6691 posted 1/12/2020 13:26 PM

I certainly will hold her to it. Even if she passes I still don’t know if I will stay but this will help our relationship even if we remain friends. After all we still have kids together

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