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One yr ago desperately searching how to commit suicide

ann1960 posted 12/23/2019 23:01 PM

What I learned that night was I needed to suck up the pain and dig my way out of the hell hole my husband shoved me into. Suicide was not the answer. In my internet research what I learned was every single method is very painful and a high probability of not succeeding. So then you deal with not only the affair fallout you probably end up disabled and disfigured. Now you just compounded your life beyond measure. Then there is facing the love ones and trying to explain the devastation plus the hospital time, recovery, it goes on and on. For those of you who are curious about drug overdose...most of the time it doesnít work. Itís not the peaceful drift off to sleep that you think it could be.

One year later Iím spunky and so sorry I even thought about suicide as an option. Iím grateful and feel worthy like I used too.

As far as the marriage...pleading the 5th for tonight.

If anyone is considering this an option please please donít do it. I know how intense the pain can be. I know how it feels to want it to stop hurting no matter the cost. Please get some help if youíre thinking of this. The holidays can skew our feelings. Hang in there. Well get through this.

Dragonfly123 posted 12/24/2019 03:43 AM

Ann a brilliant reminder that even in the darkest of days we need to hold onto the idea that things do get better.

I was lucky enough not to experience depression and suicidal thoughts, anxiety yes, ptsd yes and trauma yes but I was never suicidal.

However, my best friend was suicidal in the months following her dday and that thought haunts me, as I didnít know. I knew she was in shock, traumatised, in pain but I didnít think for one minute my strong, independent friend would be sunk that low.

She also is fine now. Three years on and sheís doing ok, def further along and battling back. There is light at the end of the tunnel.

To anyone reading reach out. Especially during this hard season for us all.

The1stWife posted 12/24/2019 03:52 AM

Words cannot describe the pain when learning of infidelity.

It does get better no matter what the outcome is. You just have to have faith. And believe in yourself.

Itís almost impossible to do after dday. But you are left with yourself and sometimes not much else.

Ginny posted 12/24/2019 05:46 AM

Count me in as one who thought I would never survive the trauma of walking in on my husband in bed with another woman. Suicide seemed like a welcome solution.

Thankfully, I never attempted it.

Life is good now. It DOES get better. I pray that whomever needs to hear this right now, does,

IHatePickingName posted 12/24/2019 09:02 AM

I was there this summer. I have had suicidal ideation periodically throughout my life but this was the only time i was so close to acting. I am alive today because people believed me when i told them to stop me because i couldnt stop myself. Friends believed me and kept me talking and connected, checking in on me constantly, for days. My doctor believed me that i needed the pain to stop one way or another and gave me medication to make the pain go away. My husband believed me and he realized his worst fear of being divorced didnt matter anymore when he ran the real risk of me dying. He got it, in those days, and he couldnt unsee what he had done. He stopped trying to do damage control and fought to keep me alive, whatever that took. I spent several weeks basically drugged and asleep. But i lived.

I am glad i lived. I wouldnt have pictured being as far healed as i am today, but even if i was much less lucky, i would still be glad. He betrayed my trust, destroyed my self worth, stole my security, and broke my heart. But he didnt take my life. That is mine and i kept it because i fought back. I recognized i needed help and i sought it. I couldnt do it alone, but i didnt have to. My friends? An online group i never met irl. My doctor? At a walk in clinic, i had seen once before. My husband? A serial cheater who was the cause of my pain. I didnt have great supports. I knew basically no one local and my family did nothing to help, despite knowing. What i did have was a determination not to lose, so i used what i did have, until i was well enough to do better.

You can do that too. And it will be worth it. Even if your cheater isnt. They dont deserve your life too.

crazyblindsided posted 12/24/2019 10:22 AM

It's true we have to tell ourselves that what we feel is ok and we need to just get through it.

My suicide ideation and attempt opened my eyes to a lot of things and the cognitive therapy I received was invaluable. Now I can't imagine thinking that way or that I actually thought that way.

Talk to anyone. I have a few support people that know and will talk me down if necessary especially when my emotions go haywire.

[This message edited by crazyblindsided at 10:23 AM, December 24th (Tuesday)]

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