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Mistress is Pregnant

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IWMWWCT1920 posted 1/6/2020 21:14 PM

It’s funny he thought he was escaping a world with demands of real life. He thought it was an escape to have a young girl with no children, living alone who had no restrictions or expectations on him. All he did was trade all the reality of the real world he was running from, from one house to the next. She is no longer the carefree person with no children living alone with no demands to be put on him.

She is the woman who has expectations that come with obligations from him. She is now the person who will try to put restrictions on him, all in the name of having a child. She even told the man she felt God blessed her with an opportunity to have a child and she is happy. Mind you...she was so excited about being pregnant she waited until she was almost three months to tell him...with claims she didn’t know.

ShutterHappy posted 1/6/2020 22:14 PM

A true man will provide for his children no matter what the circumstances. Of course, your husband won’t do that, he’ll be too busy feeling sorry for himself. Waywards are always selfish. Me, my and myself.

Meanwhile, the biggest victim is this newborn, who had nothing to do with this.

The mother may or may not take steps to force your WH to take his responsibilities, and this will impact you directly.

What are you planning to do? Are you leaning towards R or D?

IWMWWCT1920 posted 1/6/2020 23:28 PM

Very sad as there is an innocent person. She allowed herself to created a life for a child who may or may not get all that is deserved, because she wanted a married cheating selfish man. He was selfish in that he too created a life that he hasn’t even felt man enough to tell any of his friends and family about.

What’s crazy is they both feel like they are victims. He is too busy feeling betrayed and trapped. She is too busy Feeling wronged by him by not going through the pregnancy with her. Both are selfish and have not grasped the hurt they created. The baby is due this June and she is all over social media just as happy as she can be.

People like them sleep well at night and they really deserve each other! Karma really seems to skip over some people, so I won’t waste any energy wondering why it does.

ann1960 posted 1/7/2020 00:25 AM

What? The? ......

Unbelievable. Before you posted "married 30y+, kids grown..." I honestly thought I was reading about a man in his late 30's. You know the one that is in the pressure cooker with kids running all over the place, working his way up the corp ladder, on and on. (Still no excuse by the way)

Im in shock! 50yo and not safe guarding himself against the "LIKIHOOD" of a pregnancy. What an idiot. What a fucking idiot.

Im married to a fucking idiot too. OW was on match and having sex with all that moved in los angeles when my husband wasn't available. Get this...he'd love to hear about her experiences with the other men. Excuse me? I loved the person who posted about the unicorn lifestyle, I busted out laughing. YES YES YES a condom might impede the beautiful moments of movement. As my husband has said, many many many many times because I cant seem to let this one go..."I was like an adolencent boy, I didnt think. You are so much smarter than me." Nice compliment. Oh my husband brought home the lovely gift that keeps on giving. Yes herpes. He's a doctor, she's got a Phd. But not smart enough to guard against health issues. So stupid. Both of them. Oh they did share that information about STDs before sex. Again we are talking people with high IQ's that became ridiculously careless. But you know what? It made them feel worthy and like they were good people to say, "hey i was tested and Im safe" wink wink. And that stuff about spreading cancer or HIV to my wife is soo soooooooooo sooooooo unlikely and really who cares!!! After 20+ year the wife (me) is disposable, at least at the moment he is about ready to put his dick into her.....v.

Im angry. Your story set me off at just how stupid and inconsiderate a person can be.

I am very very close to an adopted child who was conceived from an affair. The wife had an affair, BH and her R. The conditions were that she give up the child to make the marriage work. My friends adopted this beautiful wonderful child who is now 16yo. The H and W survived and are still happily married.

I know the control over this situation is much different BUT do you think he can talk her into giving the child up?

Hey once again Im so sorry. Take care please.

The1stWife posted 1/7/2020 03:24 AM

You need a lawyer now. For you. For your H.

You both need to know his rights and legal obligations.

If the OW is going to “demand” that your H be part of this baby’s life - is your H going to comply? He is going to be dealing with the OW for the next 21 years. If he is only going to send a check and nothing more than that needs to be made clear to the OW.

If she’s going to try and enforce a relationship as he is the dad, you need to be aware of that now too.

If you are D him then you need to start getting a financial plan ASAP. there is one pot of money 💰 but many hands reaching for it.

If you do decide to reconcile I suggest a post nup for you. To financially protect yourself and shield your assets from the OW and child. You shouid have accounts in your name alone at this point. You need to be proactive in this situation.

I’m sorry for your devastation and pain. I hope yiu have a good counselor to support you.

Lalagirl posted 1/7/2020 05:54 AM

Again, has paternity been established? There are so many women out there who sleep with multiple men and when they find one with money, they decide that they will be baby daddy, even if there is a possibility he is not.

They have DNA tests that can be done during the pregnancy; I strongly suggest he get a lawyer and make that test an absolute first step before going any further. The attorney can handle contact so your WH does not have to deal with her. If it turns out that the baby is indeed your WH's, then the attorney can help with getting CS set up without your WH having to contact the OW.

tushnurse posted 1/7/2020 08:38 AM

Again, has paternity been established?

You need a lawyer now. For you. For your H.
You both need to know his rights and legal obligations.

Are you even certain that the pregnancy is real? I skimmed through the thread so forgive me if this was discussed, but I did not see it.
I cannot tell you the number of times in my 10+ years here that I have seen OW is pregnant - when in reality she isn't, wasn't, and never was.

So the first thing I would encourage you to do establish that she is legit pregnant. Second that he is the father, and third (but probably my first action) get an appt w/ a family law attorney. The last thing you want is this POS tapping into your savings, 401K etc, that you have worked a life time for.
You may need to even separate out your finances from his, but an attorney can tell you how to protect yourself financially. At the end of the day it's up to you to protect yourself from this chaos.

IWMWWCT1920 posted 1/7/2020 10:43 AM is real. Social media knew before this idiot did. Which is funny...considering she denied it to no end until he saw it for himself. Yes...50 years old starting over and it is ridiculous to even think about. All he did was add unnecessary responsibility to his life.

She obviously fell in love enough to not mind getting pregnant by a married man. He obviously did so as have unprotected sex and risk everything and continue the affair for so long.

I can look back and see different lies that now, make sense that were told to me. The mood swings, gaslighting, so much. They didn't add up before but again I'm busy being a working mom, wife and student myself.

He swears he never promised her anything. It was physical and became emotional but she knew they were not in a relationship. I'm like, physical and emotional makes a relationship. Affairs don't continue without promises being made.

So I can see why she continued in it. I'm sure he painted a picture that was in contradiction to reality. Some days I think its a dream, others I'm so angry and disappointed as I never saw him as that person, to allow it to happen.

She obviously wanted more as she sent a text talking about me being a stupid woman who he wants to stay with. Just delusional that she wouldn't see the only stupid people in this picture are them. I asked him to leave the home and he refused to. Funny...he had no problem going to her home before the pregnancy. He doesn't want to move in with her.

I will consult a lawyer because he thinks its going to be fine, as long as he brings money to her. In fact he tries to not ruffle her feathers because he wants her not to put him on child support.

He still manipulates her in a sense. He is in for a rude awakening because, even though she tells him she isn't that is all her manipulation to get him. They both are too busy manipulating the other, they can't see the hurt they have caused.

junebug65000 posted 1/7/2020 11:51 AM

"will consult a lawyer because he thinks its going to be fine, as long as he brings money to her. In fact he tries to not ruffle her feathers because he wants her not to put him on child support."

Yes. consult with a Family Practice Attorney NOW- for YOU. Protect yours and the Family's assets. He is already giving her money that belongs to YOUR family. Separate the finances and protect your retirement should you end up alone.
You are the stable person in this marriage. Be strong and move forward.

ann1960 posted 1/7/2020 13:06 PM

How old is this woman?

IWMWWCT1920 posted 1/7/2020 15:38 PM

The woman is 30 years of age.

Lalagirl posted 1/8/2020 06:30 AM

Please see the attorney asap. And tell your WH not to give her another friggin penny until paternity is established!

IWMWWCT1920 posted 1/19/2020 22:13 PM

So my scumbag had the nerve to tell me I have no idea what he is going through. He says everyday for him is a struggle and that he is a victim too in all this. Let me get this screw around with a coworker for a couple of years, have unprotected sex god knows how many times. Upset..that you trusted her because she was taking the pill and you feel she decided not to and got pregnant. Then you are upset that she lied about how far along she really was so abortion was not an option. Then you are the one who wants someone to understand what YOU are going through.

Welp....what did he expect from a young woman with no children who willingly got involved and stayed involved for years. Did he think this young woman who had been hurt by her previous relationship cared anything about his? Did he think she was not going to tire of this married man with a good job, getting together with her at night work hours and going back home, playing family man taking trips and celebrating only to wait until the next work shift to get together again.

Did he not think she would not tire of knowing although he was sneaking to be with her, she couldn’t lie to herself and not own she was a woman being used for his own selfishness. I don’t care how many times he snuck away to be with her, When he returned home she had no choice but to be left with her thoughts. If I was that type of woman and fell “in love” with a man who wasn’t leaving his wife. I’m sure I’d get pregnant make sure she left him. I guarantee she didn’t see herself going through a pregnancy alone.

Now why is he the victim again. I have to laugh at him, to keep from clawing his eyes out. So much for remorse.

sassylee posted 1/19/2020 23:05 PM

Aw! Poor muffin....consequences are a bitch aren’t they? It truly sucks to learn you are your own worst enemy!

nekonamida posted 1/20/2020 07:49 AM

IWM, you should take that anger and use it to see a lawyer. If she files for child support, that's part of your marital funds that go with her. And if he thinks he's a victim and isn't remorseful, he will be very tempted to start back up with her again once he starts co-parenting. Even if you're not ready to leave him, you should get some advice and keep it in mind because it's not guaranteed that you will want to keep going through this or that he will choose to stick around when he can play family instead.

SilverStar posted 1/20/2020 10:19 AM

Thankfully, my cheater has had a vasectomy so no sidepiece ever got pregnant nor threatened that she was. I have thought, though, that if one ever had, I'd have insisted on WH going for full custody because *I* would have been the only one of us all fit to raise a child, and an OC would be, after all, my children's half-sibling.

And OW could pay us CS.

Just a fantasy.

knucklehead posted 1/20/2020 10:38 AM

Gently, what is the reason you have not seen a family attorney? The weeks lost cannot be regained but you are dallying. The best advice you will ever get is here, and that advice has been universal: you need to see family practice attorney, in your state, now. Forget about whether WH wants to or how he feels about it. Get yourself in there, and do it before COB tomorrow.

We are beyond the “feels” now.

IWMWWCT1920 posted 1/20/2020 10:50 AM

I have an appointment this week and I am looking forward to it.

Adlham posted 1/20/2020 11:08 AM

Don't forget to ask about chipd support for any of your kids who are under 21 and in college.

I know you said your youngest is 19, but support can be ordered up to the age of 21 if the kids attend college.

Another thing to ask about is health insurance benefits for your kids if they are still on your plan, as they can be until they're 26.

I'm not a lawyer, so I'm not sure how or what they can do as far as protecting your money and your children, especially as they are adults, but I'm a big believer in asking questions. Now is the time to protect yourself as much as possible.

Your kids being adults makes that a bit trickier, but those are the 2 big things I can think of that may be helpful.

Bigger posted 1/20/2020 12:50 PM

There is one standard always offered piece of advice when dealing with pregnancy outside of the marriage:
Your husband does not acknowledge or accept paternity until or unless an official paternity test is done.

If she is willing to have an affair with a man she knows is married then she’s also capable of getting knocked up by someone else. Based on what you share I doubt it; I think your husband IS the father. But until that has been established with a paternity test then he refuses.

What does your husband want? If it’s you and the marriage… well… that comes at the cost of cutting off ALL communications with this woman. He doesn’t acknowledge her existence or her pregnancy. IF he is the father then once the baby is born you all can arrange what part he has in the babys life and what part the baby has in your life. But until then there should be no or minimal contact.

Definitely get legal advice. What would divorce look like for you? I’m guessing it’s a brighter future than you can imagine. I’m not telling you to divorce – but be realistic about what it would offer.
Ask an attorney how you can safeguard your assets and finances against any claim made by the OW. If your husband thinks she will let him off the hook for CS he’s not thinking straight. Once the OW realizes diapers and child-care cost she’s going to go for what would rightfully be hers.

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