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hopefullife posted 1/13/2020 07:41 AM

I'm painshopping and I know it. Sometimes I justify it by saying I'm gathering evidence for legal actions, and it is true at some point but deep inside I know I just want to see how's life for them both.

I painshopped again today. OW posted new photos of their happy family. Somehow, and suprisingly, it hurts less. I guess the initial shock of seeing them all out in the open without worry no longer bothers me, since I already knew they are that sick to do it the first time.

I know I should stop googling them and just move on with my life. But maybe this works for me too.. painshop and painshop til it hurts no more. Til I get deep into my heart and brain that they are horrible people I'm so lucky to have out of my life. I don't know. It reminded me of my 1st and 2nd Dday. 1st Dday was painful and I was weak. 2nd Dday was more damaging, but I was stronger.

Infidelity is just that bad we try anything to see if it works. Damn.

ShatteredSakura posted 1/13/2020 09:02 AM

Glad it's starting to go numb for you.

It hasn't for me, and I don't see an end in sight. I don't know when it will stop hurting. It doesn't matter what, whether it's work or everyday things I still feel hollow inside and gutted.

I wish painshopping would knock you out like a blow to the head, but all it does is keep me up at night thinking about things.

[This message edited by ShatteredSakura at 9:05 AM, January 13th (Monday)]

hopefullife posted 1/13/2020 22:15 PM

It's a rollercoaster. Sometimes I think seeing them hit by the karma bus is what will really give me peace, but I don't know.

Dispirited posted 1/14/2020 02:30 AM

It's a rollercoaster. Sometimes I think seeing them hit by the karma bus is what will really give me peace, but I don't know.

It's out of your hands unfortunately...karma will happen I assure you- often we never see that happen.My- how many people wish that they feel the same pain somehow.BUT, to engage with people who have no remorse or empathy is a lesson in futility. Therefore, do your best to be independent of their hurt...Inasmuch as we all have been there, to take a stand that you no longer will be subject to their abuse and harm will tell them that they have been exposed. And then? Enough is enough. Enough humiliation..enough shaming..enough of lame excuses to render the innocent thinking that they perhaps were to blame. Nope. Easy when others blame us. Why?

Because they have no other reasonable excuse.And my ex wife was a therapist- the most laughable and pathetic scenario. And sadly, she was cheated on herself. Some never learn- even those who seem to have intelligence. Time and time again, I'm amazed at how those who caused harm simply discount such.

Learn and repair your life:)

hopefullife posted 1/14/2020 02:47 AM

I wish I could see when karma hits them, but I also know they'd work so hard to make their relationship, or at least pretend, work.

Ah, I need to focus only on my wellbeing. I know that.

DashboardMadonna posted 1/14/2020 03:00 AM

Anyone that feels the need to post their "happy life", is seeking validation and most likely having second thoughts.

Happy people dont seek validation through others... the fact that she made her seemingly "happy life" readily available, so you could see, is beyond deliberate. It's the truth...you know it in your heart, love. People that advertize are only seeking to validate themselves, though others aproval ratings. In terms of "the other woman", it's about winning... rest assured she is miserable (as she always has been) and out to seek the next married man... it's what they do.

Dont beat yourself up...your feelings are validated and remember this shitty person is attempting to be you....not even lying... BPD/hystronic personalities.

Girl, just sit back...the shit show is about to unfold...seriously, it already is...

hopefullife posted 1/14/2020 05:09 AM

I hope you're right DashboardMadonna. In a way, they are trying their best to fill my shoes. Going out to places where we've been, helping him out with the business, etc. I sometimes feel I am that replaceable, but no. They need to try their hardest to replace me. They need to show they win.

It's the first time I'm hearing of hystronic personality. Match it with my h's extremely low self esteem, they are a match made in hell.

DashboardMadonna posted 1/14/2020 15:25 PM

Hopeful,

I misspelled histrionic... Haha.
Hes getting what he deserves.

"The other women" are all alike... I've been in a lot of support groups and a lot of them go fatal attraction. Broken people gravitate toward each other... both, have basement level self-esteem.

Give it a minute and he will be crawling back, one way or another. It's textbook...this is where you laugh, whilst pulling up the bitch boots.

[This message edited by DashboardMadonna at 3:34 PM, January 14th (Tuesday)]

Marz posted 1/14/2020 15:29 PM

Karma may or may not happen.

Pain shopping is a form of contact.

No contact Is what you need to move on.

EllieKMAS posted 1/14/2020 15:41 PM

I painshopped again today. OW posted new photos of their happy family. Somehow, and surprisingly, it hurts less.

This is actually a thing. The psychological term for it is 'flooding'. They use this technique a lot to treat phobic disorders. In essence, your mind/body can only keep up with the adrenaline/hormone dump for so long before it starts restoring its own balance by becoming desensitized to the stimuli.

Not that I would recommend doing the infidelity painshopping mind you... but it could be that you have unintentionally flooded and have reached the tipping point where your being is hitting that level of indifference.

Either way - I am super happy for you that you are not hurting as much about it!