SurvivingInfidelity.com® > Just Found Out

fiestyredhead posted 1/29/2020 04:49 AM

I am 4 months past DD....My husband and I have been married 23 years.
He started messaging with a large group of people on Live PD message board at the end of 2017. Throughout 2018 the group narrowed down more and more. A woman singled my husband out and began to message him. According to him, these messages were all regarding the tv show. In 2019 they started to send PMs to each other that quickly became not innocent. (these were all erased of course so I have no idea what they said).
They met for the first time (in a parking lot!) in March and talked for awhile. My husband has VERY little free time that I don't know about, so these meetings only lasted an hour or so when he said he had an errand to run after work.
Here is the kicker: in the first week of June I confronted a burglar and ended up shooting out the tires of his trailer that he had already loaded up with our belongings. (I spent a night in jail (OMG!!!) for this because I left my home with the weapon. I was charged with a felony also because the fucker said I threatened his life. $10,000 and awesome attorney later....charges were dropped. This is the first time I have ever taken up for myself....I usually am a conflict avoid-er but my daughter was home and I went into Linda Hamilton Kick Ass Momma Mode Lol!!!
He went to her home and they had sex at the end of May. At home he started to sit out in his garage and drink beer instead of having pool time with the family. He began to get very short and irritable with me. I knew something was wrong and my antennae went up. Within a few weeks I started to ask him what was wrong. He blew it off as stress due to my situation.
July came and things were worse...my radar was off the charts. On July 27th, I confronted him and asked him if there was another woman. He eventually admitted to "talking to someone". I went into "PLEASE STAY" mode and he stayed in a hotel (he says) for one night. Back home the next day. Two weekends later, he starts an argument and says he is leaving but slept on the porch couch. Two weeks go by and I throw a Mojito bottle at his head (near miss but shatters on the porch post). He sleeps in his truck that night.
During this time, I am in detective mode...I never used FB but began looking around his page. A strange woman has liked EVERY one of his posts back to June of 2018! WTF! I immediately know that is the bitch in question.
That night I can't sleep and I start researching spyware. I find one and load it on his phone. (Dumb-ass doesn't remember I have a photographic memory so I have his password memorized) So this spyware looks like crap...what do you expect for $9.99? I get off my cheap ass and load up the $125 a month goodies. Oh My Lord, I can see his Call History, All calls are recorded, GPS, his texts, AND I can hear what is going on around him even when the phone is not being used!! Cha-ching...we have hit JACKPOT!!
So I wake him up at 1am and chew him out about what is going on. Then I wake him up again at 2am and actually tell him the whore's name. This makes it where he can't sleep another wink and I KNOW he will call the bitch first thing.
I go to bed and actually sleep a few hours until 7am. He leaves for work at 6:30am. I log onto my lovely spyware and BAM!! there it is....30 minutes of evidence. I shook as I hit play. What followed was what sounded like a chain smoking cigarette addicted troll talking to my WH all about me. They went over every detail of what I had said and how I had acted. WH voice was shaking. Lol!
I immediately call him at work and the wrath of God rains down on him. I called him every vile word I could and then I told him to put his co-workers on the phone so I could tell them how the great JCS was really a scumbag. We bargained and he went to each one himself and told them he was cheating on me. (He has worked for this company for 23 years and I am friends with most of his co-workers) The perfect, great father and husband has fallen!!!
Then I called the Bitch and screwed her a new asshole.
Dear sweet hubby is burning rubber the 30 minute drive home...maybe because I told him his shit would be in the front yard and not to step foot in the house.
I fire up the Charbroil....grill EVERY PIECE of high dollar work clothes he owns. (It is on video if anyone would like to take a peek HEHEHEHE) I was really dying inside at this point but now it makes me feel GREAT! BTW, all his personal clothing went in the pool.
My best friend gets word and she is burning rubber too. I am sitting on the deck having a cig (I don't smoke) and drinking a mojito (I am a weekend sipper) when he pulls up in the yard.
His mouth drops open as he walks across the backyard and his posture slumps when he sees the inferno coming out of the grill.
PART 2 to follow shortly (Gotta start my homeschooling duties)

The1stWife posted 1/29/2020 05:07 AM

I hope he realizes he has cheated on the wrong person!

steadychevy posted 1/29/2020 05:50 AM

Fiesty indeed!!!

You have shown a lot more presence of mind than I did.

TheLostOne2020 posted 1/29/2020 07:08 AM

fiestyredhead

Here is the kicker: in the first week of June I confronted a burglar and ended up shooting out the tires of his trailer that he had already loaded up with our belongings. (I spent a night in jail (OMG!!!) for this because I left my home with the weapon. I was charged with a felony also because the fucker said I threatened his life. $10,000 and awesome attorney later....charges were dropped. This is the first time I have ever taken up for myself....I usually am a conflict avoid-er but my daughter was home and I went into Linda Hamilton Kick Ass Momma Mode Lol!!!

You are a badass.

So I wake him up at 1am and chew him out about what is going on. Then I wake him up again at 2am and actually tell him the whore's name. This makes it where he can't sleep another wink and I KNOW he will call the bitch first thing.

Good on you.

I immediately call him at work and the wrath of God rains down on him. I called him every vile word I could and then I told him to put his co-workers on the phone so I could tell them how the great JCS was really a scumbag. We bargained and he went to each one himself and told them he was cheating on me. (He has worked for this company for 23 years and I am friends with most of his co-workers) The perfect, great father and husband has fallen!!!

Holy shit, you got him to expose himself! Absolute badass.

I fire up the Charbroil....grill EVERY PIECE of high dollar work clothes he owns. (It is on video if anyone would like to take a peek HEHEHEHE) I was really dying inside at this point but now it makes me feel GREAT! BTW, all his personal clothing went in the pool.
My best friend gets word and she is burning rubber too. I am sitting on the deck having a cig (I don't smoke) and drinking a mojito (I am a weekend sipper) when he pulls up in the yard.
His mouth drops open as he walks across the backyard and his posture slumps when he sees the inferno coming out of the grill.
PART 2 to follow shortly (Gotta start my homeschooling duties)

Dear lord....

I'm just going to say that he fucked with the wrong person...

Maudlin posted 1/29/2020 07:17 AM

Oh my God I LOVe this!!!

My mousy “I am frozen and cannot function” self is so wishing I had done exactly this. I have finally left the fucker, but you ROCK.

I need part 2.

Lalagirl posted 1/29/2020 08:21 AM

OMG, you GO with your badass self, fiestyredhead!

Can't wait to read Part 2!

((((HUGS)))) I know that in spite of the tough exterior, you're hurting terribly. We're here for you.

Inshreds posted 1/29/2020 09:09 AM

Wow! I soooo wish I did this!

I've got to know what spyware you used!?!

fiestyredhead posted 1/29/2020 09:21 AM

PART 2:

A little background information...We met in Jan 2005 at a lovely little dance club "The Naked Iguana" Lol! Saw his adorable self and made eye contact. Lots of sly smiles but he never approached me. As the bar did last call, I finally just walked up to him and asked if he wanted to do a tequila shot.
We were never apart after that moment.
I soon learned that he was very shy with women and would never have approached me. Due to my childhood, I was looking for a man who would never cheat and he fit the bill. Honorable, hard working, loving, friends and family adored him...everything was perfect....EXCEPT, he would or could not communicate regarding emotions.
I overlooked this and thought it was a small defect we would overcome with time.
We married in 1996...had a amazing DD in 2004, traveled, both got great jobs (worked our ways up from nothing), built our dream home at the age of 26,etc...
I look at old emails from 10 years ago and the communication problem was always there lurking. I was always trying to drag info out of him regarding how he felt about things and he always deferred to me. This caused frustration one my side that I immediately addressed but on his side, he would hold everything in and then have a twice a year blow-up. Everything would go right back to normal.
My husband works with an all male company so he was never around other women except for his occasional Boys Night. We did everything together outside of work. He had no time where I had no idea where he was. I knew cheating would never be something that entered our lives. We loved each other so much, I felt that he was a actual part of my body.
Then life happened....I was injured at work, surgeries followed, he cared for me every step of the way, I deal with depression, he was understanding, we dealt with family deaths...all the things everyone deals with. And I thought we were unscathed...I was so wrong.
We hit our 40's and complacency hit us hard. Went into roommate mode. Making love was infrequent but passionate. Rarely fought. I kept tabs on his happiness level and I was always reassured that everything was wonderful.
I began working on plans for a pool house in the evenings and we would both watch Live PD together. After about a year, he became more involved and started posting on their message board. He said they were planning a members meet and greet. This takes us to PART 1.
I will continue with more of my KICKASSERY and misery shortly. Thank you to anyone who is reading this LOOOONG saga and thank you for the kind words!!

[This message edited by fiestyredhead at 9:24 AM, January 29th (Wednesday)]

fiestyredhead posted 1/29/2020 09:43 AM

For those who are interested....the spyware is OneSpy Parental Control Software. They are based out of India but my credit card was fine (no unauthorized charges)
I think I paid around $125 for the first month but then they sent me a special of One Year for about $140!! This app was and is priceless to me. Worth every penny. Feel free to ask me any questions about it :)

[This message edited by fiestyredhead at 9:55 AM, January 29th (Wednesday)]

BigMammaJamma posted 1/29/2020 09:47 AM

Totally understand the rage - I didn't even recognize myself.

So all this went down 4 months ago, what is going on now? Are y'all separated? How are your children dealing, do they know something is wrong? What has happened in the four months since you found out?

Sparkle0504 posted 1/29/2020 10:11 AM

Oh my God I LOVe this!!!
My mousy “I am frozen and cannot function” self is so wishing I had done exactly this. I have finally left the fucker, but you ROCK.

You can be sure that there will be quite a few of us who will have KICKASS envy. I think I have a little girl crush

(((Hugs))) You must be feeling miserable

beenthereinco posted 1/29/2020 10:18 AM

For those who are interested....the spyware is OneSpy Parental Control Software. They are based out of India but my credit card was fine (no unauthorized charges)
I think I paid around $125 for the first month but then they sent me a special of One Year for about $140!! This app was and is priceless to me. Worth every penny. Feel free to ask me any questions about it :)

How many people saw this coming? Mods should be alerted and the BS meter for some folks on here needs tuning.

[This message edited by beenthereinco at 10:19 AM, January 29th (Wednesday)]

Lalagirl posted 1/29/2020 10:41 AM

BS meter for some folks on here needs tuning.

Ruh roh

fiestyredhead posted 1/29/2020 11:33 AM

Ummmm...someone asked for the info so I supplied it. Please delete that post if needed. I was not aware that I could not post it.
This is my true story and I have no affiliation to that company. It was just helpful to me.

fiestyredhead posted 1/29/2020 11:36 AM

And APPARENTLY...someones "mind your own biz and read other messages if you don't care for mine" meter needs tuning.

MamaDragon posted 1/29/2020 12:49 PM

You are bad ass.

I bow to greatness. My revenge story was not half as good and I went scorched earth too!

Awesome. :D

SlapNutsABingo posted 1/29/2020 14:32 PM

Holy Sh*t you are my wife to a tee! Another realization on why I married her....

We are not worthy....

fiestyredhead posted 1/29/2020 14:53 PM

PART 3:

So his jaw closed up a millimeter and he asked "what are you cooking?!" I said "Your fucking uniforms you cheating bastard".
Now keep in mind....WH and I prior to this had never even called each other bitch or shithead.

This was a primal cursing coming out of my mouth. I showed him my crispy handy work and he looked like he was going to pass out. He moved to the side of the backyard and took his position.

I went inside and barricaded the door with a chair. I looked through the blinds and saw him start removing his clothes from the pool with the skimmer. I repeatedly removed the chair and screamed obscenities. He just kept repeating "I want my clothes". I screamed "They are grilled M***** F*****!!"

Y'all....even though I made sure my DD had on her headphones and cranked up the music...she got curious and heard some of this calamity. I am horrified now that she had to hear her first fight between her parents in such a horrible way.

But again...this was primal. All my fears, insecurities, doubts and anger all laser focused on him. I was a raging, crying, scary excuse for a woman. I am not proud of many things I said. I am too ashamed to type several of them....

Too upset to type anymore...I need some chips. Part 4 coming soon for anyone who cares to read this craziness

DeWittle posted 1/29/2020 20:22 PM

..."what are you cooking?!" I said "Your fucking uniforms you cheating bastard".

ShutterHappy posted 1/30/2020 07:32 AM

Most of us loves how you handled D day. We obviously don’t need to tell you that his cheating is 100% on him and you shouldn’t blame yourself.

But looking passed your reaction, you are evidently hurt and you are in an infidelity situation.

Don’t tell him about your spyware. If you ever plan to R, you will need this to verify if he’s lying to you. Whenever he asks you how you know, you don’t have to answer that question. Or you can throw him off track and tell him FB.

When the shocks wears off, you will need to think if you want to R or D. People here will give you great advice on how to proceed, depending on your choice. And the advice you will get will be worth more than $125 a month

Keep posting and we will keep replying