Hi AUS1986,
Firstly, that sucks. I am sorry that you have had to find us but we are here to help. You may not like what you hear, you might hate some of us, you might be looking for an answer that you want to hear.
It probably won't be what you want to hear but it will be the truth. The people here have been through it all. The advice will be very consistent in some areas and vastly different in others.
It's your life, you will decide what you end up doing we can only offer an unbiased look at what you tell us.
Firstly, Take care of yourself. Force yourself to eat, go to the gym or keep going to the gym.
Start journaling.
Don't drink anything but water or tea.
Go to the yellow bubble and click on the healing library.
Read everything.
Now for the other thing.
I don't know why she is doing what she is, she has gotten away with it for a long time. It's a habit now.
I have a strict rule when it comes to dating, you don't talk to exes, period.
She chose to, you knew. You might start beating yourself up for not saying anything when you first discovered it.
You trusted her, you were her soulmate. You don't want to think the worst of the person you love so trusting is what you are supposed to do. She took advantage of that.
It was her choice, you didn't do anything wrong, she chose to do it.
She needs help, that is evident, you need help, even though it wasn't your fault you have been wounded.
Marriage Counseling (MC), it might be to early for this, you both need to see Individual Counseling, (IC). Later if you see an honest change from her you can go the MC route.
She is asking for help. I don't know, if she seems genuine and remorseful maybe you should listen to her.
Maybe she is lying and manipulating you because she got caught. I don't know. Only she does truly.
You have to decide what you want to do. Seven years is a bit of time. Most women statistically start cheating at that mark, throw in other life events it might have been building for a time. I don't know.
She should have talked to you, maybe she felt she couldn't but you need to have a sit down, honest to goodness, open your soul and vomit out all that you are feeling to her and see what she says, does, reacts.
You need to go in and bare your soul, tell her all the things you think and feel and let her do the same. It will be uncomfortable and you won't want to say some of the things you feel, but you need to.
Honestly expressing yourself will make you feel better and if you speak with an honest heart, how they react is up to them.
That will be the beginning.
You will have more information and you can let us know what she says and we can tell you what we think you should do, but again it's up to you.
I don't know if you will ever trust her again, I don't know if you will survive this, it sounds like a nascent emotional affair that didn't get to the physical part which is easier in some ways for men to overcome.
More information is the only thing I guess you need right now.
Once again I am sorry that you are going through this.
Stay strong and let us know what you decide. We are here for you.
[This message edited by sorryforeverythi at 5:30 AM, February 3rd (Monday)]