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Discovery after 15 years

BrokenHart81 posted 2/9/2020 11:45 AM

Weíve been together 15 years, married 11.5. I discovered Jan 2nd. No warning. I thought we were happily married. SOMEONE who remains anonymous, sent me images of his conversations on a cheating website to inform me. Itís been going on for at least 2 years with at least 2 different women. Iím beyond broken. Confused. Lost. Devastated. Iím in group therapy. Marriage counseling. Self counseling. Church. But find no sense of healing.

The1stWife posted 2/9/2020 13:00 PM

Iím so sorry you had to suffer this gut punch. We here at SI understand the trauma and pain you are suffering from.

What is your H doing to fix the damage he has caused?

It seems that you are doing everything to help yourself. I would focus on the individual counseling first.

Read up on the Healing Library (upper left by the Dr Phil photo) for things that may help you. The 180 may be a way of detaching from him right now and focusing on you. You can take a step back from making him and your marriage your top priority and make YOU your top priority.

Please continue to post here. We are here to support you.

And be sure you eat well and drink plenty of water.

[This message edited by The1stWife at 3:15 PM, February 9th (Sunday)]

sorryforeverythi posted 2/9/2020 14:08 PM

Hi BrokenHart,
You are in shock, that's the numbness you feel. It will pass, you get to look forward to all the emotions that come when this happens.
Shock, you're here now
Denial, probably visiting here as well.
Anger, that's a fun one
Guilt, It wasn't your fault, no matter what you tell yourself.
Sorrow, no explanation needed
Acceptance, the goal
Re-engaging life. the big goal

You get to look forward to bouncing around all of those, I tend to spend most of the time in sorrow then drop back down to anger.

Honestly, It sucks, but being here helps. This is a great place to find support and answers. We have all been through it.

Most likely you will find quite a few people that have experienced the exact same thing that you are gong through. Talk to us, keep posting.

You will hear stuff you don't want to hear, stew on it. Take what works for you leave the rest.

You will take ten steps back for everyone one step forward but eventually your ten steps back will be smaller than your one step forward. That is advice I got here and it is true. I should probably find who told me so I can give them credit.

My steps back are still there but they are smaller. You will get through this.

Just remember you aren't alone.

Get sleep, eat, don't drink alcohol and no drugs. Take care of yourself.

Whatever happens, divorce, reconciliation or whatever you will make it out, have faith.

[This message edited by sorryforeverythi at 2:09 PM, February 9th (Sunday)]

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