"You can survive this. Talk to others that have"

MalibuBayBreeze posted 2/14/2020 14:35 PM

I'm sending you a message
On this Valentine's Day
Not one of how I'm feeling
Or what I want to say

Words that won't be spoken
Nothing you will hear
A distance I will create
For it is you I cannot be near

A keeper of my heart
I trusted you with it
Now left broken and empty
Alone with my thoughts I sit

As I watch everyone around
Receiving cards written in a loving word
I sit in painful silence
Broken and knowing I never truly will be heard

You will never understand
What you have done to me
Tears and sorrow hidden from you
That I will never let you see

My love you had
And threw it all away
So is it any wonder
Today is just another day

MBB

BearlyBreathing posted 2/14/2020 14:37 PM

❤️

Notthevictem posted 2/14/2020 19:36 PM

Todays not just another day. Why? Because today I'm gonna tell the best fart joke ever.

Not here though, I don't want to be responsible for breaking the internet. But if you hear the echoes of laughter in the wind, giggles or chuckles... just know that's my joke making the rounds.

In fact, if you hear anyone laughing in the next week, it's probably a fart joke.

Just wanted to let ya know.

crazyinlove1995 posted 2/14/2020 20:03 PM

((Mbb)))it is just another day..Make tomorrow better For You.It can be whatever you make of it
Peace

DigitalSpyder posted 2/14/2020 20:31 PM

See the animal in the cage that you built.
Are you sure what side you're on?
Better not look him/her too closely in the eye.
Are you sure what side of the glass you are on?

See the safety of the life you have built.
Everything where it belongs.
Feel the hollowness inside of your heart.
It's all... right where it belongs.

What if everything around you,
isn't quite as it seems?
What if all the world you think you know,
is an elaborate dream?

If you look at your reflection,
is it all you want it to be?
What if you could look right through the cracks?
Would you find yourself... find yourself afraid to see?

What if all the worlds inside of your head,
are just creations of your own?
Your devils and your gods; all the living and the dead
you really ought to know...

You can live in this illusion.
You can choose to believe.
You keep looking, but you can't find the truth.
Are you hiding in the trees?

What if everything around you...
Isn't quite as it seems?
What if all the world you used to know,
is an elaborate dream?

If you look at your reflection,
is that all you want it to be?
What if you could look right through the cracks?
Would you find yourself, find yourself afraid to see?

I dunno for some reason I see relevance in the above, after reading MBB's prose.

Notthevictem posted 2/14/2020 20:43 PM

Oh man! I didn't know that I was supposed to answer in the form of a poem. Crap. Let me rephrase.

I hear you giving in, giving up
Taking a day that others say is special
And saying you don't give a fuck
That you've walked through your own hell
And there's nothing left in your cup

And I'm saying that i will pretend
That i can make the day mean something
Different for you than for them
Different because the songs they sing
Songs of couples dancing in lights dim

Will now sound like strings of farts
Those singers crowing out songs of love
Are really working on great works of art
Art that is secretly farts from above
That soft flow down in cloudy parts

This is my gift to you today
Not something romantic, its true
Merely a distraction and a way
To give a fart joke to you
Happy valenfarts day

Marie2792 posted 2/15/2020 09:15 AM

I hear your anguish and it’s heartbreaking. To me it is another day but it always was to me. I’m not huge on the flowers and chocolate thing but my family loves it so I play along.

Did you do something for yourself MBB? Manicure or massage or a movie? You matter and no one will love you like you love yourself. And truly, your worthy of someone loving you as much as you love them.

((MBB))

Marie2792 posted 2/15/2020 09:16 AM

NTV, that was priceless. You may be onto something there.

MalibuBayBreeze posted 2/15/2020 10:30 AM

DigitalSpyder
Wow. That was incredible and yes there is relevance. Much.

See the safety of the life you have built.
Everything where it belongs.
Feel the hollowness inside of your heart.
It's all... right where it belongs.

What if everything around you,
isn't quite as it seems?
What if all the world you think you know,
is an elaborate dream?

If you look at your reflection,
is it all you want it to be?
What if you could look right through the cracks?
Would you find yourself... find yourself afraid to see?

The safety net, afraid to lose it. The emptiness within my heart that at one time had so much love for this person. Is everything around me as it seems? Because after DDay I no longer know what is real or not though it's not exactly a dream and no I am not all I want to be and feel like I'm trying to find myself. Cliché I know.

A month from now will be 4 years past DDay. Yesterday I spent a good portion of it out of the house. Away from him. Spent time with my DD and mom. DD was going to dinner with her BFF for Galentine's Day (they're both currently single) and asked if I wanted to join them. I just couldn't take being out and seeing couples together having dinner so I came home.

There was nothing. But then again I didn't want anything from him. Yet it did sting that he did nothing yet again reminding me of all the effort he put forth towards his MOW and not me. There really was no way for him to make me happy yesterday. No effort was bad but false effort is worse. After a while he ordered dinner and I sat away from him, never saying anything. I'm glad the day is over.

Marie2792
No I didn't. Was going to get a manicure but decided to put it off for the weekend. I may be worthy but I'm coming to the realization I will never know love aside from my kids, mom, and closest friends. Romantic love is not in the cards for me. There is no one out there and if I ever were to finally shed this shit show of a marriage I would never allow myself to get that emotionally attached to anyone again. It's just not worth it. A companion yes but anything more, no fucking way. That plank is not getting walked on again.

NTV
I want you to know that from here on out I will refer to February 14th as Valenfart's day. I will even write it on my calendar next year LOL. It's brilliant because really most of it is a lot of hot air being blown up people's asses to placate them soooooo.

The memories of other VDays went through my head a lot yesterday. 2014 during the LTA and he arrived home empty handed. Vday a year after DDay and the flowers he bought died the next day. That's not ever happened and I remember looking at them as being symbolic of my marriage. An argument we had soon after Vday 2 years ago and he threw a small nearly full soda bottle at me. It flew past my head and when I said he almost hit me he told me if he wanted to he could have. I don't even remember last year's. There are a lot of ugly memories. This was never a great love story, I just wanted it to be one so much that I deluded myself for a long time.

All I keep thinking is the last 4 years have been a waste of time. He's put forth minimal to no effort. I'm not happy. I'll never forgive him or trust him. Things he does are starting to grate on my nerves right down to how he eats. Most of the time I feel better away from him. If we're in an upswing and fool around there is zero emotion. It's simply a matter of fact action to fulfill my needs. Those trees aren't so dense anymore and I'm hoping to find the pathway beyond them.