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I have a question about telling

SCARLETT94 posted 2/14/2020 17:26 PM

Quick backstory
My WH had a two year affair, five years ago.
She tried her best to get him to leave me, I can treat you better etc.
After a lot of work we are reconciling but I just found out she got married.
She's 62 and the new hubby is in his late twenties but thinks she's 49.
Do I tell him about the affair?

Cooley2here posted 2/14/2020 17:43 PM

Chances are when he finds out he will try for fraud and an Annulment. You stay out of it. Live your life. She is a mess you don’t want in your life and she might try to retaliate.

ShatteredSakura posted 2/14/2020 18:53 PM

How do you even know? Just by chance?

IMO don't waste any time on her. I guess that guy really likes older women...he still chose to marry someone decades older than him.

cocoplus5nuts posted 2/14/2020 19:29 PM

Her life is not your business at this point. Don't waste your time and energy.

Beachwalker posted 2/14/2020 20:54 PM

Scarlett: Interesting question. I found out about my WW’s As years after they had ended. I told as many OBSes as I could find, especially AP1. Those men were married at the time of the As, whereas in your scenario she was single (or so it sounds). Another reason I notified as many OBSes as I could was because my WW had contracted HPV, and they needed to know that so they could take the appropriate measures. You did not mention anything like this in your post.

IMHO, since this guy wasn’t in the picture when the A took place and since there doesn’t seem to be any STD’s in your WH, I would say this new relationship is not your concern. (I am trying to not be mean or condescending here.) I even hesitate with the STD thing. Going back to him not being in the picture during the time of the A, it is the responsibility of the OW to tell the new hubby the information. I would see you telling him anything about the A as an attempt at revenge – The OW attempted to destroy your M, so now you’re attempting to destroy hers.

Does all this make sense?

SCARLETT94 posted 2/14/2020 21:09 PM

Oh it absolutely makes sense.
I guess I just want her to see what it feels like to have someone interfere in her marriage. Bet she would not like the shoe on the other foot.

Notthevictem posted 2/14/2020 21:25 PM

You won't ever make her hurt like you did.

If she's lying about her to that extent to her future husband then she's a bag of crazy.

Don't open the bag.

Marie2792 posted 2/15/2020 09:03 AM

I know the strong urge to blow her word apart, but she may just try to break no contact with your spouse to rage about it. That’s something you don’t want. The good news is, he will eventually find out. Crazy doesn’t stay buried for long and if she’s not changed, which I doubt, she will be wayward again.

Enjoying your marriage and rebuilding is the sweetest revenge you can have.

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