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A single incident and the love disappeared

Bingo posted 4/23/2020 11:35 AM

My divorce has been final for a month but I still loved my XWH. So sad...

So I've been trying to have closure with a few things. My beautiful home was recently sold, so I drove 2 hours to sit in a private, secluded spot and watch the owners move into my previous haven.

I felt I had to do this to accept the fact that my life there was over. It seemed to help.

I have always wanted to see where the OW lived. My XWH had told me previously so I decided to drive by her house just to check it out. As I drove by, I saw a young man standing by a car, putting something in the back seat. I thought "Is this the OBS?" I had always wanted to talk to him.

So I pulled in, got out of my car, and asked "Are you .....?" He said yes. I told him who I was and asked if we could talk. When I said my name, he broke down and started sobbing. I asked if he wanted a hug and he said yes (fuck the virus, I guess).

So we talked for awhile and told each other a few things that the other didn't know. Not surprising.

So anyway, I looked in the back seat of his car and saw two small carseats and something really strange happened. I could almost physically feel the love for my XWH leave my body.

The thought that the man I married played such a huge part in breaking up this young family. I mean, hell, I'm 66 years old. I have a home and plenty of money to live a comfortable life. I'll be okay.

But to realize that this young family has been torn apart by the selfish needs of two broken people. We're talking about a gentle, teddy bear of a man and his 4 children under the age of 9.

I literally felt the love leave my body and it has stayed away since then. Just so weird...

Anyone else have a turning point moment like this?

Chrysalis123 posted 4/23/2020 11:47 AM

Sometimes, I think the universe or God send us a gift. Your gift was inadvertently bumping into the other BS.

I am so sorry you had to see that, but glad you did. Never forget, even in moments when your heart tries to fool you what happened was not as bad as it was. Not even if the WS tries to hoover you back again.

MickeyBill2016 posted 4/23/2020 11:50 AM

I did not have such an event but I can see how it destroyed any good feeling that you had for your XH. Seeing the OBS and the kid seats must have crystalized pain into one simple image.
It was brave of you to stop and talk to him.

still2suspicious posted 4/23/2020 12:10 PM

Bingo,

I am right up there with you in age.

We have been together since HS.

In 2018 I learned, by seeing a New Year's Eve text, he was in another A, with a good friend no less. (OK, she's a f'g bitch )

I still loved him at that point UNTIL that summer. I learned he was still talking (or more ) with her.

And that day I, too, felt my 45+ years love just vanish!! The couple of GF's who knew our history, could not believe it. They thought for sure I would cycle back to excusing him, wanting to make it work, blah, blah, blah.

It's been almost 2 years and I feel no love, just revulsion when I look at him. That, and I still see he is still in contact with her. Oh well, he has NO idea that I see it, as I no longer say a word.

But I have had to play the financial game for these 2 years, and so he thinks we are going to ride off to the sunshine when we retire.

I CANNOT wait to see his face when I tell him he'll be going west, and I will be going east!

What a strange feeling to have that happen, isn't it??

If it didn't actually happen to me I never would have believed I won't die still loving him.

[This message edited by still2suspicious at 12:11 PM, April 23rd (Thursday)]

BluesPower posted 4/23/2020 12:15 PM

I guess that God sent you a gift to allow you to get over your WH.

I feel so bad for that man. And you are right, you don't want to love anyone that could do something like that to another family.

Your post is a mixed bag... Happy that you got some kind of closure and so sad for that man and his family.

Wow...

Bingo posted 4/23/2020 12:24 PM

And, this morning while I was talking to my financial advisor about how to invest all this money I have, I caught another vision of the OBS and his car with the broken windshield.

That is so wrong.

But, you're right. I do feel like it was a gift from God to free me from the burden of my toxic love for the pathetic man I married.

survrus posted 4/23/2020 12:30 PM

Bingo,

You performed a great service for that young man burdened with an affair as well as caring for 4 young children. I applaud you wish someone, anyone, did that for me.

I hope you took a picture you can send to your ExH, remind him he had an affair with the Mother of Name, name, name, name and hurt the Father of name..

If the young man got more of the truth from you I hope he can recover for his childrens sake.

PerfectStorm222 posted 4/23/2020 12:58 PM

Bingo,

You're post made me teary eyed reading it at first. But I am glad I kept reading. It made me so happy to read that you found your peace at the end💖.

cocoplus5nuts posted 4/23/2020 23:05 PM

So sad. 😥

I had a moment like that. It was the day I learned the full extent of my H's cheating. My love (and respect) for him just vanished, melted away.

RedGlass posted 4/24/2020 06:44 AM

I'm happy that you found some peace, although I am sorry on how it came about.

I hope the next chapter in your life is a far happier one.

Cooley2here posted 4/24/2020 08:22 AM

I hope you told that poor man to come here. He needs us.

cactusflower posted 4/24/2020 08:34 AM

So many thoughts ran through my mind reading your post. I have to give you credit for pulling over and having the strength to walk up to the other BS, not knowing how you would be received. It must have been very hard to see his pain.

Perhaps this chance encounter was a gift for both of you. He received some empathy (who knows if he told anyone) and you had a new thought to process about the man you used to be married to.

This road is so hard, I wish you peace.

thatbpguy posted 4/24/2020 09:53 AM

Bingo, you have found a blessed closure. But as you pointed out, so terribly sad for the OW's H. I hardly know what else to say, except that betrayals tear lives apart and cause heart breaking collateral damage.

Bingo posted 4/24/2020 15:18 PM

Cooley2here:

Yes, I did tell the OBS about SI.

Hopefully, he will join us and reap the many benefits.

survrus posted 4/24/2020 18:29 PM

Bingo,

You may be the only person who offered him any sympathy or understanding.

I'm glad you turned your ExH's crime into a trigger for own decency.

From what you wrote it seems like his WW just wants to rugsweep and minimize her story and let him rot emotionally.

I would have felt the cracked windshield as well.

OrdinaryDude posted 4/25/2020 00:06 AM

Anyone else have a turning point moment like this?


Yes, I guess I have, though Iím not ready to expound at length just yet...I saw my WW literally give up on everything she seemed to be doing to make really positive changes in our lives as soon as her A became public (not by me unfortunately).
Iím still with her, I care about her, as she does for me, but I saw a change that opened my eyes.

I have no allusions as to who she is.

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