I just feel like all the heartbreak of the man I love choosing his OW over me and losing the home I love and having to pack and move...it's just one more thing to add to the pile of heartbreak and loss.
Never lose sight of your value. Just because he couldn't see it doesn't diminish you in any way. It will take a long, long time for you to process what's happened. You are letting go of the illusion of the man you imagined him to be.
He showed you who he really was with his actions. Take some comfort in knowing that he hasn't changed, he's not going to be happier, different, or more in love. He's an illusion, a myth like a unicorn.
Leaving allows you to heal outside the memories of those walls. Trust me when I say it will probably help you in the long run. In the short run it's a gut punch.
I was awarded our paid off house, that I live in with our kids. He confidently slid into his new life, leaving us behind like yesterday's news. I've found the initial euphoria of getting the house to be fading. It's been a constant reminder of a life that no longer exists.
I've changed nearly every damn thing in it outside of the bed I can't afford to get rid of. It's a shell that contains new furnishings, and new memories, but the previous memories are lurking in every corner.
I love this house, but in some small way it's suffocating me. I hear his voice still, see the Christmas tree, and I also remember the bad things. If it weren't for our kids I'd leave it behind. I live in a rural area, a block from a lake, surrounded by tall trees. It's peaceful here. I love the birds, deer, and the same things you describe.
Try to find something that gives you joy. A walk in a park, or a drive to an area similar to where you described. You can get back to nature in many ways, just not at the same location.
You aren't weak, you are strong. You are still taking one step at a time toward healing. You're a survivor of an extremely traumatic event. Tears will abate in time, and smiles will once again be a regular visitor to you. Give it time. Change is hard, and betrayal and the loss of our dreams is a slow climb to come back from.
(((hugs))))