Breakingapart posted 5/25/2020 19:57 PM

He left months ago...and I sit here crying still. Feeling angry that I am. Why must I sit here in sadness and pain while he is living out some sort of fantasy. Living a life of no responsibilities....starting a new life. I need Karma or god or something to help me out. I don’t see what I’ve done to deserve this absolute shit show?! I can’t see moving on to indifference....I feel like I’m just shuffling through the days...trying to be a great mom and do everything that is needed....mom, teacher, handy woman, landscaper, etc etc
But inside I feel so broken and alone. I will continue to be there for my kids...they are my life now. I pray this gets better, easier somehow

DigitalSpyder posted 5/25/2020 20:14 PM

Indifference will come in time. Once you understand that nothing you did was the catalyst for this. Be you, and understand that it is more then enough.

It is always hard at first, but given time it gets easier.

Breakingapart posted 5/25/2020 20:24 PM

I understand that this is all on him. So why am I the punished? Why are my children the punished? That’s what hurts so deeply. That’s what angers me to my core.

LadyG posted 5/26/2020 04:33 AM

That word ‘punished’ resonates with me.

My STBX WH thought he was entitled to punish me...

He liked to dish it out for the smallest err. Sometimes he would wait, take his time and plot his punishment. I preferred a slap in the face right there and then. But he was more covert and made sure there were no or few witnesses.

I turned it around on him after moving out this time, (WH also planned to leave me when my babies were, 1,2,3 and again when they were 6,7,8 and who knows how many other times. His favourite line was ‘if you don’t like it, F OFF THEN’ so I did...

My babies are now 22,23,24 and he is the one being punished.

All I can say, is cry for yourself and the years that you have sacrificed with him. Don’t cry for him.

I hate sending Bad Karma but in these times Bad Karma is kind.🙏🏼

cbgrace1980 posted 5/27/2020 14:49 PM

I will pray for you that things bet better soon. I do believe in the power of prayer and that God hears us. You are not alone, many of us have been right in your shoes and after time passes, so does the pain. It's okay to be angry! In time the fantasy will fade and he will start to realize what's gone wrong. Hang in there, feel free to vent anytime you want!

crazyblindsided posted 5/27/2020 16:33 PM

(((Breakingapart))) you are grieving and that is ok. I constantly asked why I deserved this as well. I hope one day to look at all of this as a blessing in that I finally found myself and started to heal myself.

A book that I have just recently started reading has helped me immensely. Wish I would have read this right after D-Day. It is called "The Journey from Abandonment to Healing," by Susan Anderson.

Summer1976 posted 5/27/2020 17:28 PM

(((Hugs)))
My WH left almost exactly a year ago. I had no notice that anything was wrong. All signs pointed to an affair, the woman I suspected from the moment he announced he was leaving me - he admitted he was dating her 6 months after he’d left me.

The first few months after him leaving were agonising. I read and heard plenty of reassurances that the daily pain would pass. I couldn’t seem to reach that point. One of the lowest ebbs was kneeling in a toilet cubicle at work sobbing. All the while trying my best to stick to all advise about doing the 180 and acting breezy around him. I’ve never had to dig as deep or act as much as I did in those first few months.

I still have bad days. But, amazingly, the pain is finally subsiding. I didn’t really think this day would come but I’m reaching indifference.

I found on this forum so much support and wise words.

You just have to keep breathing for now. You’re still in the ocean, cast adrift in the storm. It’s not fair. But I can promise you that eventually you will spot dry land , as I have. Hang in there.

As for Karma, I do not ask my WH about his new relationship. He appears very happy with his new life of indulging himself in his sporting activities, drinking and presumably dating this woman. But it did occur to me the other day that I get to wake up every morning in the same home as our children. I couldn’t live a life where this wasn’t the case. Our children are so much calmer since he moved out. WH isn’t here yelling at us. We aren’t afraid to upset him by not confirming to his daily standards. That pressure has gone. It’s a happy, peaceful house full of love. I consider that as the silver living under the cloud that has now passed overhead. I’m not sure that’s Karma but it’s me trying to make the best of the bad hand we were dealt by WH.

I promise you that you’ll get there too in time.

In the meantime, post here, keep talking to friends, get counselling and listen to lots of self help and healing a broken heart advise. Anything that soothes your soul. I took up embroidery and I love it.

Breakingapart posted 5/27/2020 17:59 PM

Thank you. I appreciate all of your responses. I will admit that I am crying less...but I’m still crying. Most often I can keep it hidden from the kids. I am so thankful for them. They are my life! It kills me when my youngest goes to spend time with his dad. It seems so wrong to have to give up time with your kids to help your WH live out his goals. My older 3 still won’t see him and only my 15 yr old will text him on occasion. He went from a doting dad to one that barely sees or speaks to his children. He still believes that they should and will be fine with time. Then...he will have what he wants....the OW, his kids, “happiness “
It’s infuriating. I pray...lately I’m not sure what to pray for....peace, healing
Acting like I don’t care is painful. He gets angry when I set boundaries and then either does the complete opposite or agrees like it was no big issue.
I’m just so sick of being sad and angry all of the time....

Summer1976 posted 5/28/2020 08:19 AM

Missing out on time with my children has been one of the hardest things for me too. My ex does a lot of outdoor activities with our children and I find it hard that I’m excluded now from seeing our children do those things. I do different things with them.

It is all so unfair. I’m still struggling to comprehend how a human being can do this to someone they vowed to look after.

I know not everyone would agree with me but I was raised to believe that once you have children, their happiness should be put before your own. My WSs parents have apparently advised him to ‘do whatever makes you happy’ (my son told me WHs mum told him this).

I guess some folk are just raised to put themselves and their pursuit of selfish happiness first and have a different moral map than others.

It’s very frustrating.