With the crazy world situation and pandemics and riots and all the things, I have been feeling kind of stuck lately. I was talking to my therapist about that stuck feeling and she recommended writing down all the things I feel like I've learned so far in this journey. I did and it oddly helped.
This list lives on my fridge currently and I've been adding to it for the last couple weeks as thoughts occur. Not sure if it unstuck me yet, but figured I would share anyways.
-Cheating is abuse. Plain and simple.
-Exdouchehole's cheating had nothing to do with me. It wasn't cus I was a 'bad wife' or not a good partner. Were there things I could have done differently or better? Sure. But that just means I am human and I am capable of learning.
-In rose-colored glasses, all the flags look the same color. To really see the red ones, take the glasses off and really LOOK.
-Reconciliation only works if BOTH parties are on board. If a WS won't crawl up their own ass to undo what they did, they ain't R material. And no amount of BS wishing changes that.
-Divorce is not the scariest thing. Staying chained to a person of low character, low integrity, low morals... THOSE are scary things. Divorce isn't.
-AP's ain't shit. They aren't better, smarter, prettier. They are THERE. They are broken and sick and WS's like them cus an AP will never call a WS out on their bullshit.
-Grief is a fucking washing machine. Some days it's hot. Some days it's cold. Some days it spins fast, some days it's on the gentle cycle. But it does get better and eventually the cycle is over (I'm not there yet).
-THIS TOO SHALL PASS. It will. It does. However you feel today, right now will NOT be how you feel in 10 minutes, or tomorrow, or in a week.
-Wasting my time and energy and love and emotions on someone who wouldn't do the same for me is a fool's errand. That energy is way better spent on my own self.
-Resentments are unspoken truths. And they are poison to my mental health and emotional well-being.
-Some days, self-care is running a marathon. Some days it's putting on pants. Even small victories are still victories.
-Sleeping like a starfish on the bed is awesome.
-Trusting and loving a cheater doesn't make me stupid. Being a trusting person who ignores all the red flags and all the issues does.
-Be unapologetic in being yourself. Some folks won't like that, and that's okay. The ones that don't mind that are the ones you want around - those are the ones unafraid of authenticity.
-Honesty is the best policy. Even an ugly truth is better than a lie.
-Getting full control of the tv is amazing. I can watch documentaries and binge shows about drag queens with NO eye rolling or whining, AND I don't even have to watch 37 hours of youtube shit about engines or wrestlers to get to watch what I want to for a change. Whaaaat?
-Messes are easier when they are all mine.
-If someone hasn't been cheated on, they simply have NO idea what I'm feeling. I will not waste energy trying to make them 'get it'.
-Wanting a simple, calm, peaceful life free of drama and bullshit does not make me boring. Likewise, I am not boring because I wouldn't sleep with an 18 year old whore for the exdouche's fulfillment as a 'man'.
-Home improvement projects are way easier with one person't input. Just saying.
-Even a rather twisted and sarcastic sense of humor is better than none at all.