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Moving Forward

Outoflove2020 posted 6/16/2020 11:15 AM

I guess I need to be in this thread now rather than General or Reconciliation.

You can see my history, but long story short, ex WBF is having an EA (beginning October 2019). I learned this in January 2020, moved out early February; continued communication as I was still hoping for reconciliation, until last Weds (6/10) when I decided to extract myself from the situation. I was continually giving him chance after chance (pick me dance) even thought I knew he hadn't stopped talking with her, but being disappointed every time. I decided I could no longer put myself in that position so I told him that apart from a couple of administrative items, I would no longer be contacting him and that I was done.

I sent him an email on Friday with follow ups on those admin items (e.g. moving cell phone number to me so I can get off his account, closing joint account etc) but he has not yet responded. However, he did send me a text on Saturday evening "checking in" as there were further disturbances downtown due to protests. I didn't respond.

I've had a fairly nice weekend - now things are starting to open up, it's been easier to go out, see friends. I've kept myself occupied / distracted, and while I wouldn't say I'm anywhere near happy, I've been....ok. But it's hitting me again today. I'm just so damn sad. This is the longest we've been without contact since we've known each other. It's really hard not to reach out and tell him about the lovely bike ride I went on yesterday. I know that the gyms in his area start opening this weekend, so I know he's going to start going again, which will help him with his own moving on. The thing that makes me really sad is to know that in a few months, I likely will not feel for him anymore what I feel for him now. That makes me sad for me and sad for him. Because he will no longer have that from me.

I would also like to find a way that I can continue to have contact with my 'step' kids. He will not stop me - in fact, he would encourage it - but it's going to be more for an issue for me, having to see him if I want to spend time with them. I do have an appointment in a couple of weeks with my step daughter to have her hair cut - she is donating it to charity and that is something we always talked about, she wanted me to go with her to do it. I couldn't - wouldn't - say no.

Not really asking for anything with this, I'm just....sad. Empty. Lonely. It's really tough. But I know I need to do this for me in the long run. It's shitty and crappy right now but I know that future me will thank me for this in the long run.

The1stWife posted 6/18/2020 00:17 AM

You are a good person. Focus on your relationship with his children as a positive thing in your life.

In time your healing will give you perspective on him and you will move away from feeling pain to feeling better. It just takes time.

Outoflove2020 posted 6/18/2020 11:27 AM

The1stWife - yeah, itís times like now when your realise that it doesnít matter that in everything but name / legalities, I was a parent to those kids but I donít have any rights as such. I hope I can find a way to be able to stay in their lives. Iím so looking forward to seeing my step-daughter next week. I just miss them so much. Their absence has been hitting me really hard this week for some reason. I wish I could squish them.

TheLostOne2020 posted 6/18/2020 12:13 PM

Outoflove2020

I guess I need to be in this thread now rather than General or Reconciliation.

I just moved into this forum myself.

However, he did send me a text on Saturday evening "checking in" as there were further disturbances downtown due to protests. I didn't respond.

That's good.

I've had a fairly nice weekend - now things are starting to open up, it's been easier to go out, see friends. I've kept myself occupied / distracted, and while I wouldn't say I'm anywhere near happy, I've been....ok. But it's hitting me again today. I'm just so damn sad. This is the longest we've been without contact since we've known each other. It's really hard not to reach out and tell him about the lovely bike ride I went on yesterday. I know that the gyms in his area start opening this weekend, so I know he's going to start going again, which will help him with his own moving on. The thing that makes me really sad is to know that in a few months, I likely will not feel for him anymore what I feel for him now. That makes me sad for me and sad for him. Because he will no longer have that from me.

It comes in waves. They get better through time but it still hits hard sometimes. I'm actually looking forward to the lessening of feelings for my ex. It's already pretty low but occasionally I get wistful.

I would also like to find a way that I can continue to have contact with my 'step' kids. He will not stop me - in fact, he would encourage it - but it's going to be more for an issue for me, having to see him if I want to spend time with them. I do have an appointment in a couple of weeks with my step daughter to have her hair cut - she is donating it to charity and that is something we always talked about, she wanted me to go with her to do it. I couldn't - wouldn't - say no.

That is kind of tricky. You will have to coordinate with him. I have to coordinate with my ex. We just started doing this and it's through texts. Basically just 'I'm arriving' or 'this is the schedule' that sort of thing.

Not really asking for anything with this, I'm just....sad. Empty. Lonely. It's really tough. But I know I need to do this for me in the long run. It's shitty and crappy right now but I know that future me will thank me for this in the long run.

I'm sorry - I know that it's not easy. It gets easier though. Keep yourself busy.

The1stWife - yeah, itís times like now when your realise that it doesnít matter that in everything but name / legalities, I was a parent to those kids but I donít have any rights as such. I hope I can find a way to be able to stay in their lives. Iím so looking forward to seeing my step-daughter next week. I just miss them so much. Their absence has been hitting me really hard this week for some reason. I wish I could squish them.

That pulls at my heart strings, I'm sorry that he wrecked your world. I know how important my kids are to me. Concentrate on them if you can.

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