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Divorce/Separation :
Just don't know which forum I belong in

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 StormyPrincess (original poster member #41224) posted at 3:39 AM on Tuesday, June 30th, 2020

One full day post blocking him on social media. And what does he do? He and his gf post that they are in a relationship with each other. I know because my oldest kid called to tell me she was glad I blocked him. He hasn't told the other two kids but they will see it on facebook. What a loser. I am glad I blocked and I am trying to 'go dark'. But, I cannot lie, the pain is deep. On the verge of tears all day and moreso now that I'm home alone. I feel like all i do is come on here and whine. Please know that's not who I am all the time. I hope this pain goes away soon. It is unbearable at the moment. I'll keep trying to move on.

((hugs))

SP

StormyPrincess
Me: B exW 50 something
Him: XWH 40 something

Married: 20+ yrs; now divorced!!
2 DD; 1DS

posts: 198   ·   registered: Nov. 4th, 2013   ·   location: United States
id 8555942
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h0peless ( member #36697) posted at 3:59 AM on Tuesday, June 30th, 2020

The pain is intense, it is terrible, and it is finite. I don't know how long it will take for you to work through it, but I do know that if you do it constructively, you will come out better and stronger on the other end. You're better off without such a cruel person in your life.

Hang in there!

posts: 3136   ·   registered: Sep. 3rd, 2012   ·   location: Baja Arizona
id 8555948
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BearlyBreathing ( member #55075) posted at 6:47 AM on Tuesday, June 30th, 2020

It sucks. No way around that. Ask your kids to not share that crap. It benefits no one.

Cry my dear princess. It hurts. But also remember that he is not a good man- they are building a fallacy on quicksand.

You WILL get through this. Keep the block up, and take care of yourself. ((Hugs))

Me: BS 57 (49 on d-day)Him: *who cares ;-) *. D-Day 8/15/2016 LTA. Kinda liking my new life :-)

**horrible typist, lots of edits to correct. :-/ **

posts: 6483   ·   registered: Sep. 10th, 2016   ·   location: Northern CA
id 8555984
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demolishedinside ( member #47839) posted at 11:31 AM on Tuesday, June 30th, 2020

Stormy,

You are not whining. This is real shit and it hurts like hell. Unfortunately, as you know, you have to feel the pain to heal. However, what I do know, is that it gets better and easier. The more you are alone, if you allow yourself, you will find moments of joy. For example, I reveled in the fact that I no longer had to feel anxiety over where he was or that he might be doing something. In fact, any infidelity thoughts went away for me rather quickly. I found moments of peace! Imagine! After five years of trying to heal and deal with all of this.

My XWH posted about his new relationship on Facebook before we were divorced. My teenage son saw it. The fallout was real. However, I’m ok...even good. He showed me who he is again and my son knows it, too. Truly, Stormy, this is the best I’ve felt in years. I know you will get there. Just take it as it comes and absolutely come here when you feel alone...because you aren’t.

BS - me/3 kids
DD - April 2015 / SA-Jan. 28, 2017
DD2- October 23, 2018
Divorced and happy

posts: 2073   ·   registered: May. 11th, 2015
id 8556001
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Chrysalis123 ( member #27148) posted at 2:24 PM on Tuesday, June 30th, 2020

Friend, we will never tire of your posts. This is a safe place and you are smack dab in the middle of a huge traumatic experience. Vent away, ask questions, cry, grow, get stronger, and ultimately survive infidelity.

Someone I once loved gave me/ a box full of darkness/ It took me years to understand/ That this, too, was a gift. - Mary Oliver

Just for the record darling, not all positive changes feel positive in the beginning -S C Lourie

posts: 6709   ·   registered: Jan. 10th, 2010
id 8556037
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ThisIsSoLonely ( Guide #64418) posted at 6:55 PM on Tuesday, June 30th, 2020

Your story looks similar to mine (timeline I mean - 2+ year affair with co-worker etc) except that you are divorced and out on your own (as opposed to IHC like I am). I don't know how far out you are from the D, but I can tell you a year out has done a world of difference for me. This too shall pass - I promise.

You are the only person you are guaranteed to spend the rest of your life with. Act accordingly.

Constantly editing posts: usually due to sticky keys on my laptop or additional thoughts

posts: 2519   ·   registered: Jul. 11th, 2018
id 8556132
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The1stWife ( Guide #58832) posted at 7:37 AM on Wednesday, July 1st, 2020

I’m sorry your H is and was an insensitive jerk.

Please know that so spells will make every effort to have people believe they are happy when they are not. That’s why FakeBook is so popular. You can pretend to be anything on social media.

You will survive this. We all do. It hurts and knocks you back but you will heal. Hang in there.

Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled. 12 years out from Dday. Reconciliation takes two committed people to be successful.

posts: 14760   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2017
id 8556304
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betrayedafter20 ( member #72875) posted at 9:33 PM on Wednesday, July 1st, 2020

((StormyPrincess))

I am so sorry you had to learn of that. And I really, really understand - I think social media makes these things even more traumatic - because its many more opportunities for hurtful behavior and triggers.

My WH "likes" everything on FAP's page. I would write nice things about him the last few years and then he wouldn't comment and he would get irritated with me if I asked him why "I'm not active on there" yet he was practically stalking OW... Just last week I had a complete overhaul on my hair - 78 likes - and WH nowhere to be found. two weeks before that he was on OW's instagram "liking" her new hair color within an hour of her post. What a jerk.

Whine away. I get you - I feel silly taking something on social media personally - but how can we not? it's intentionally selfish and insensitive and they are just HURTFUL.

You're doing fine and it's okay to be sad sometimes.

I agree with BearlyBreathing - ask your kids not to share stuff that is not constructive. It will just trigger you and point you in the direction of "pain shopping" I know because I'm famous for it. It's been about three months now and I'm able to divert myself away from the thought if i finding myself wanting to lurk...

Me: BW, 52, BC survivor x2
Married 20 yrs, together 25
14 yo boy Autism spectrum
16 yo typical functioning
DD#1 2/6/13 PA, False R 4+ yrs
DD#2 2/20/20 EA(mutual friend) learned of another PA same day - serial
DD#3 2 weeks later W/PA AP
Separated 5/

posts: 293   ·   registered: Feb. 21st, 2020   ·   location: IL
id 8556532
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Hedwig ( member #74175) posted at 9:49 PM on Wednesday, July 1st, 2020

StormyPrincess, you can come here as much as you want and post as often as you want. I know the feeling of thinking I'm too whiny, I think that usually means we've been too strong for too long, like Mary J Blige sings!

There will always be people here who support you and respond to you. You're doing great!

Dday - 10/2018
Caught them, EMDR helped
Ended the relationship after false R for 1,5 years

posts: 271   ·   registered: Apr. 8th, 2020
id 8556544
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OwningItNow ( member #52288) posted at 10:59 PM on Wednesday, July 1st, 2020

I am so sorry. Aren't you relieved and happy not to be stuck with some dipshit who is so lacking in empathy and basic human decency that he would post something devastating to his children on social media before even telling them?????!!!!! Ick. What a horrible quality! That horrible quality will bite OW in her nasty ass soon enough; when you don't have empathy, you don't have it for anyone.

Your future partner will never do something boneheaded like that, StormyPrincess, because he will be an amazing person and kind man!

me: BS/WS h: WS/BS

Reject the rejector. Do not reject yourself.

posts: 5911   ·   registered: Mar. 16th, 2016   ·   location: Midwest
id 8556574
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