StormyPrincess posted 7/5/2020 18:21 PM

...Went on the 5 hour trek to kids house to celebrate grandbaby's 1st birthday this weekend. One of my kids was already visiting there for a few weeks and the other one drove over and stayed for a night.

XWH drove over as well. No one was sure where he was staying and he is always welcome to stay at their home. I got a hotel room for a few nights to have some 'me' time. WXH called around 2 hours before party to ask what size grandkid wears. He was out shopping and would be at lunch in time. He was 30 minutes late. He stayed through the party. It was a small gathering with just 3 adult friends invited (Covid, you know). The 3 left and then the rest of us were going to think about ordering in some dinner to arrive around 6. WXH said he had to get going. Everyone (but me) hugged him goodbye and no one asked where he was going.

Fast forward to this morning. I look out of my hotel room window and think I see his truck across the street. It is very distinctive. But, being older, with glasses, I wasn't sure. Came time to check out of hotel, I load up car and pull out of parking lot. Sure enough, it is his truck. UGH!

Anyway, me and the kids/grands were ordering in breakfast and I told them dad was still in town. They asked him to join in the meal. He texts ME and says his GF is with him and he is not coming over.

I'm sorry, but his two grandkids live 5 hours away and he rarely sees them or his kid and son-in-law. I am floored (maybe I'm not really) that he dumped his gf in a hotel room and came to the party then couldn't spend much time because he had to get back to her. He texts me that if it wasn't for her, he wouldn't have even come to the birthday party.

What a dang loser. He is such a coward for not being up front with his kids.

I'm seriously trying to detach from this guy and got myself two books to read and will keep coming back on here but it is rough. When you spend almost half of your life with someone it is excruciatingly difficult to simply detach just like that. I feel like stayed at that hotel on purpose. He knew exactly where I was staying because we discussed meeting in the business office to work on our sellers' disclosure for the house.

So, question for your my SI friends, can I do my own disclosure and he do his own? I've never sold a house before and I cannot stomach talking to him about this any longer. He wants to do it over the phone now which means I would have to read the whole damn document to him (he doesn't like to read).

I am starting to get really sickened by just the thought of him. Especially since this gf is the one he cheated on me with while we dated back in the early 90s. I think it wouldn't be so bad if he just had someone knew that wasn't involved in our relationship ever. Thanks for letting me ramble. Hope you all had a safe 4th. I'm ready to get back to work. ((hugs))

Tigersrule77 posted 7/6/2020 06:37 AM

can I do my own disclosure and he do his own?

Disclosure of what and to who? If you are selling the house, hire a realtor and ask them to recommend the price. The realtor can send the information to your XWH and do the talking. There is no reason for you to do it. If he doesn't like to read, the realtor or his AP can read him the information.

xswimmer posted 7/6/2020 12:12 PM

I suggest you each do a disclosure and let your realtor merge them and present them to both of you separately to sign.

josiep posted 7/6/2020 12:52 PM

Actually, you do the disclosure without talking to him. Give it to your realtor and let the realtor take it from there.

I assume you mean the disclosure of all improvements to the original construction of the house and any flaws, broken things, etc.? Just fill it out as well as you can and let the realtor handle it from there. Chances are they've had situations like this many times and are quite able to handle it.

[This message edited by josiep at 12:52 PM, July 6th (Monday)]

Phoenix1 posted 7/6/2020 14:06 PM

Disclosures only require you to disclose to the best of your knowledge. So do your own, to the best of your knowledge about the property, and give it to the realtor. Have the realtor contact XWH if you believe he has some kind of knowledge about the property that you do not. Disclosures are typically very specific about whether you know the existence of X, Y, Z (very state law dependent). If you don't, then you don't and there is nothing to disclose. A buyer would have to prove that you not only knew about something, but that you were actively hiding it from them to deceive them into buying the property without being informed.

I have done this several times, and in many cases honestly said I had no knowledge of X, Y or Z. I had one where I knew there was a six inch neighbor fence encroachment on my property and had to disclose that, but only because I had had our property surveyed for a fence of our own and the encroachment came out in that survey. Otherwise, there would have been no way for me to know that for purposes of disclosure. So, as I said, if you don't know you don't know.

StormyPrincess posted 7/11/2020 13:19 PM

Thanks everyone for chiming in. He ended up asking me to meet in my work place parking lot after work one night to work on the disclosures. I refused (creepy, lonely parking lot after hours). I suggested mall food court. We met. He was late. He was quite agitated but we got through the disclosures. Then he was trying to get an app put on his phone because I will not speak to him any longer (unless dire emergency with his kids). He messed up the password and had to redo and then started raising his voice at me and getting mean. I teared up, shut down my computer, packed it up and headed out the door. He asks, 'that's it, we're done then?' I didn't look back, got in my car and started driving. A few minutes later he called, I thought, maybe, just maybe, he'd apologize so I answered. WRONG! He tried to berate me THEN must've been driving and started cursing at someone and calling them the 'n' word. I told him he was rude, and his head was so far up his ass that he should probably take care of that. I told him I was hanging up (because I hate being just hung up on), he continued to yell at me so I did hang up. Haven't spoken since Tuesday.

House is now listed, have had several showings with more coming. Hoping for offer soon so I can move on. I am quite proud of myself for not speaking with him for this long. I haven't added any new app on my phone. I just don't see the point. Minor child is 16 and can contact him if he'd like to do so. She hasn't heard from him since the July 4 visit for the birthday party.

Thanks for keeping me going. It takes an (SI) village. ((hugs))
SP

StormyPrincess posted 7/13/2020 18:54 PM

Update to my dear SI friends! House was listed a Friday. I just signed an agreement and it’s now pending close! I feel a great weight has been lifted!!!

On to new and better times!
Love you all,
SP