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Stay at home dad questions

brokendad19 posted 7/6/2020 14:33 PM

Looks like we're headed toward divorce. Probably going to use mediation. Having trouble finding what a fair agreement would be. Know every state is different as is every situation but if there was a basic framework to start with would help. We live in California. I know the state has calculators for support. Have 2 kids. No house and almost no debt. I've been a stay at home dad for about a decade. Is 50/50 fair? If anybody has any thoughts or advice if greatly appreciate it. Thanks in advance!

WhoTheBleep posted 7/6/2020 21:27 PM

I would consult with an attorney. You don't have to hire one. But you should have an idea going in of what is fair in your state, before you attempt to negotiate a deal for yourself.

Ichthus posted 7/6/2020 23:12 PM

Talk to an attorney. You might even want to hire one.

I tried to play nice and use mediation, but in the end im the one who ended up getting screwed. My ex hired another attorney to help her word things to work out in her favor.

It may cost you a few thousand but your attorney would look out for your interest.

Tigersrule77 posted 7/7/2020 11:32 AM

I agree that you definitely want to have an attorney to review things for you and make sure you aren't making any mistakes. The attorney doesn't have to negotiate for you, just review paperwork before you finalize.

Have you looked at the calculators yourself yet? Start there and see what that looks like for you. Are you planning to go to work and if so, do you know what type of salary you can expect? You need to start preparing yourself now. Start figuring out everything you can.

Muggle posted 7/7/2020 13:54 PM

I concur, get an attorney or get a consultation.

When this happens not everyone has the best interests of the kids in mind. Simple wording, things that appear to be benign, can end up being a legal issue over time.

Knowing where you stand will enable you to make informed decisions. Assume you will eventually have someone in your life again. Think ahead, plan ahead.

If you don't like what one attorney tells you consult with another, it might save you thousands, or unimaginable grief later. Nothing is simple when you divorce, feelings ebb and flow, anger, bitterness come to the surface and your ex spouse is no longer your "friend".

No matter how congenial you are at the moment, this is now a business transaction that would impact the rest of your life. Go into it protected, without emotion.

I hope it all can stay calm and fair, but I've learned divorcing brings out the worst in many people. The best outcome is one where you are able to have a healthy relationship with your ex, and your kids don't suffer from the divorce. Their mental health and lives are part of both of you, and parting on healthy terms with healthy boundaries will make it much easier for them to adjust to.

Good luck..keep us posted.

homewrecked2011 posted 7/7/2020 14:04 PM

You might actually get custody and she might get visitation. When I got D in SC, my atty told me the person who was the main caregiver got custody, tge other parent visitation.

HalfTime2017 posted 7/7/2020 18:33 PM

I'm from Cali. I would get an attorney as suggested, but know that there is a good likelihood that you will share custody. You will be primary though, and you should also get child support and spousal support.

How long have you been married? Do you have a job? All those things matter. You will most likely will have to get a job at some point but if you're a SAHD for the past decade so that she can get her degree, you may want to hold off on filing for a bit. Give us more info. In CA, 10 yrs is considered a long term marriage. The longer you go, you usually get half that in alimony. Child support is until kids are 18 or out of high school. If you have money, which it doesn't sound like, they may even ask for college tuition in the decree.

ALotofHistory posted 7/7/2020 23:36 PM

Agree with HalfTime.....consult an attorney, then hire if you need to. Definitely go for primary custody in the 60/40 range and ask for the things mentioned. Look out for the long term best interests of your kids. You need to have that in 20/20 vision. Your STBX will be getting lots of pressure to free up that money for other things, believe me.

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