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First Anniversary without WS

ResilientSoul posted 7/7/2020 09:46 AM

Today is the first anniversary I have to spend without him. It would have been our third wedding anniversary, even though Iíve been with him for 12 years altogether. I decided to make a new tradition on this day with our one year old son. Itís crazy to think that my WS really gave it all up for a young home wrecker with no responsibilities. What could he possibly be thinking? Iíve realized from this forum that going NC has made me stronger each day. Today is a rough day but I know Iíll get through it with all of your support. Slowly, I am coming to realize there is NO figuring out crazy. Heís mental and I canít get dragged down with him in his misery. Pray that today will be a wonderful new day and tradition for me and my son. We will make this day have new meaning for me and my son ❤️🙏🏼 What are some things you guys have done on your anniversary date to help you get through?

heartachenpain posted 7/7/2020 10:23 AM

Ours would have been back in March and also been the 3rd one even though we were together 10yrs. That was a very painful day but I got through it by getting out of the house and staying as busy as possible. My children are elementary school so I did outdoor activities with them and watched movies in the evening. The time that was tough was when the kids went to bed and I was all alone laying in bed. Not sure if you are a spiritual person but saying a few prayers helped me get through the night.

EllieKMAS posted 7/7/2020 10:51 AM

I've only had one too and I did an art project. One that involved smashing glass with a hammer to make mosaic pieces. Probably not a good activity for a 1 yo though

crazyblindsided posted 7/7/2020 11:41 AM

(((ResilientSoul))) I just had one recently myself. 19 years down the drain. Neither of us acknowledged it. It was like any old day. A day that died with my M.

I'm so sorry. It is all so painful.

Muggle posted 7/7/2020 13:47 PM

What are some things you guys have done on your anniversary date to help you get through?

You have to flip the script and refocus on a NEW memory to celebrate. I consider what would have been my 26th to be my new liberation day.

I no longer linger over things that I can't control, I PLAN a day that makes me feel special. Last year I went out, had a couple of drinks, a nice steak dinner, and went to see the sunset.

Honestly I'm learning to enjoy my own company, and finding that being alone can be fun. Random people talk to you when you sit alone.

It doesn't have to be a "funeral" for your previous memories. You can make it anything you want, just by dressing it up in a package you make yourself. Go out with friends, take your kids somewhere special you've never been to, or think outside the box.

You'll always have little twinges of memories seep through the cracks, but as you redirect those thoughts to things that feed your soul and make you happy, they will replace the old toxic feeling of what happened.

NC is amazing, but I can't say I'm able to use it. I still have three kids with him, and financial entanglements from our settlement for another 2.5 years. When that time comes, I will step completely away and not have any contact.

His kids will function independently from me in anything that concerns them. He won't owe me any money, college support, or child support, so I will have no reason to talk to him, unless it concerns the health of one of our kids.

I will be 100% FREE from him in (tic tock) 2.5 years. I'm counting the days, trust me.

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