baconeggs posted 7/8/2020 20:41 PM

Its been 8 months since Dday, and my WW and I are about to try a trial seperation. She claims she doesnt't love me anymore and hasn't for a number of years. I'm 99.9% sure the seperation will be become permanent. We do have two boys, aged 19 and 15. The 19 year old already knows about everything and his girlfriend has been really supportive to him. We plan to tell the 15 year old (who does keep things to himself) later tonight (Which I am not looking forward to).

I was wondering if people can tell me what to look out and actions people have done incase my sons are suffering due to the breakup of the marriage.

Bleu posted 7/8/2020 21:41 PM

I adore your username.

I hope all went well with your son. Of course, you know your children best so you will likely recognize any differences.

My kids are a lot younger and they have both become more clingy. I saw a few other signs that I could pinpoint back to the divorce.

[This message edited by Bleu at 10:31 PM, July 8th (Wednesday)]

Phoenix1 posted 7/9/2020 01:41 AM

My youngest was 16 when the proverbial shit hit the fan. She's not a talker and keeps things to herself. She was very mature for her age as well.

The big thing is to ensure you will always answer any questions honestly, and do just that. Doesn't mean you have to give all the gory details, but be honest. As your DS processes things, and puts mental puzzle pieces together of things he has seen/heard over the years, don't be surprised if questions trickle out. That's what happened with my DD. As I answered her questions she said things made more sense. She also shared some of those things with me that made some of my own puzzle pieces fit together.

Eventually, my DD got the whole story. But that is because she wanted it, and it took a good two years for it to slowly come out. She expressed her appreciation repeatedly for being treated like an adult and not a small child (emphasizing the emotional maturity here).

Besides honesty, just continue to be the supportive, stable parent he will know he can always count on.

Good luck!

Tigersrule77 posted 7/9/2020 07:48 AM

My kids were younger and all took it fairly well.

If you are concerned, you could schedule a family therapy appointment for you and your boys, and then when your younger son seems ready, let him meet with the counselor alone. Ease him into it and give him a place to talk to someone.

NEWPERSON posted 7/13/2020 08:34 AM

I can understand your concern, you are fortunate youngest is 15 really -at that age they sort of have a life, friends ,girls they like so their life is not so much centred around parents.

I have a 12 year old and 9 year old,the 9 year old is really taking it bad-he says he doea not want his friends to know that his family has broken up.....it kills me to hear him say that because broken den not mean bad it just means it did not work out.

I think your 15 year old will surprise you, my 12 year old told me he feels better now cause he was always worried about me and the dad even when he was at school-there was too much arguing going on .Kids are smart and very mature.