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Is it crazy to move out now?

tellmewhy posted 8/21/2020 10:59 AM

Last year I decided that Iíd had enough of fWHís way of dealing with aftermath of A and lukewarm efforts at rebuilding our relationship. I moved out of the house and into an extended stay hotel to live my required 6 months apart, get agreement signed and then move out of state.

Up until that time we were about 9 years into me believing that if only I could explain my needs to him in a better way (me and 2 MCís), he would understand, step up and life would be great.

At the time, though, I didnít realize that I was dealing with someone who had some narcissistic tendencies and quite possibly symptoms of Aspergerís.

After about 4 months his behavior changed. He wanted to talk more, began reading about communication and relationships (like I had been asking him to do for 9 years) and I started to feel that there was a real possibility that he had ďseen the lightĒ.

I moved back to the house a few months later, but it didnít take long for me to realize that the changes were merely to get me to move back. I decided that I would wait till after the holidays and move out permanently.

Then, of course, the pandemic hit.

About 4 months ago, when he was talking about some future plans, I told him that as soon as it was safe, I was leaving. He said he was shocked, etc, etc. But that was the extent of the conversation.

Fast forward to last month, heís talking about more future plans, I remind him Iím leaving and he said ďOh, youíre still planning to do that?Ē Uh, yeah! From the things he says, even now, Iím sure he believes that Iím staying.

I have been very cautious about staying safe here, and feel like I can do that where I plan to go. I will need to rent an apartment, buy some furnishings and food, etc., but wonít have to interact with many people as my work allows me to work from home. My brother lives there so I have some support if needed.

Emotionally, staying here is a great strain, but I donít know if the physical implications of moving could be worse.

Any thoughts/advice?? Has anyone moved during this time of craziness?

messyleslie posted 8/21/2020 11:15 AM

I have 5 friends who have bought new houses during the pandemic and apparently the housing market is insane so I think lots of people must be moving! I know one person went on vacation and just had movers come and move all to the new house without them even there - another one did it all on their own but it was over a month or so.

Iíve been keeping very safe and not seeing anyone but you donít know how long all of this will last and you canít delay huge life choices like moving out, especially when staying is not good for your mental health.

Thumos posted 8/21/2020 11:45 AM

Haven't yet, but trying to get house in order to sell. There's never been a better time to sell. People are buying up suburban properties like crazy.

crazyblindsided posted 8/21/2020 12:57 PM

I am planning on moving in a couple of weeks so I will let you know how it goes. I just couldn't emotionally handle the IHS anymore. My STBX has strong narcissistic tendencies and has never been introspective or handled the aftermath of his A's in a remorseful way. Basically I believe he just wanted me to shut up about it and go back to how I used to be.

tellmewhy posted 8/21/2020 16:47 PM

Luckily (or unluckily, not sure) I don't have to deal with selling the house right now. fWH will remain in house till he retires, then we'll tackle selling.

Messy -
you donít know how long all of this will last and you canít delay huge life choices like moving out, especially when staying is not good for your mental health.

You're right! I'm also afraid that the longer I stay, the stress will affect my physical health.

Crazy...
Basically I believe he just wanted me to shut up about it and go back to how I used to be.

fWH actually said in MC's office "I said I was sorry yesterday, I'm sorry now and I'll be sorry tomorrow" - that was supposed to be all he needed to do and everything would go back to the way it was, which was great for him but sucked for me. He was OK with that.

He had made the comment several times before "well, at least one of us is happy and it's a good thing it's me." We laughed it off, but now I see how true it was.

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