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Of all the things that can make me sad... And there are alot, the Walmart shopping app got me tonight. I do the order online/ pickup thing, and in the app it saves your previous purchases in your 'favorites'. So once a week I go through there and order what I need. There's his deodorant, his body wash, his toothpaste. Ughhhh. I was doing an excellent job of distracting myself and getting tasks done. But something like that will trigger me into renewed sadness. I want the anger back that's been helping me get the house cleaned out and organized. The anger is productive. The sad is just... Misery. It's not productive. I instantly remember how I love the way he smells, and how much I miss it... And him.

Stupid Walmart. Better start removing those things from my account so this doesn't happen again.

Sorry you’re having a tough night. Sorry to see you back here and on D/S forum.

Yeah, those sneaky little triggers will get us. Bananas in the grocery store got me every time.

Luckily, they diminish with time— both cuz you clean those apps up and we just get stronger.

(Facebook memories are a bitch, too, if you are on FB).

If the world was ending. What a song. I'm Focusing on breaking my sadness cycle today, but this song.

Off to the gym, that always helps.

Lyrics:

I was distracted

And in traffic

I didn't feel it

When the earthquake happened

But it really got me thinkin'

Were you out drinkin'?

Were you in the living room

Chillin' watchin' television?

It's been a year now

Think I've figured out how

How to let you go and let communication die out

I know, you know, we know

You weren't down for forever and it's fine

I know, you know, we know

We weren't meant for each other and it's fine

But if the world was ending

You'd come over, right?

You'd come over and you'd stay the night

Would you love me for the hell of it?

All our fears would be irrelevant

If the world was ending

You'd come over, right?

The sky'd be falling and I'd hold you tight

And there wouldn't be a reason why

We would even have to say goodbye

If the world was ending

You'd come over, right?

Right?

If the world was ending

You'd come over, right?

Right?

I tried to imagine

Your reaction

It didn't scare me when the earthquake happened

But it really got me thinkin'

That night we went drinkin'

Stumbled in the house

And didn't make it past the kitchen

Ah, it's been a year now

Think I've figured out how

How to think about you without it rippin' my heart out

I know, you know, we know

You weren't down for forever and it's fine

I know, you know, we know

We weren't meant for each other and it's fine

But if the world was ending

You'd come over, right?

You'd come over and you'd stay the night

Would you love me for the hell of it?

All our fears would be irrelevant

If the world was ending

You'd come over, right?

The sky'd be falling while I'd hold you tight

No, there wouldn't be a reason why

We would even have to say goodbye

If the world was ending

You'd come over, right?

You'd come over, right?

You'd come over, you'd come over, you'd come over, right?

I know, you know, we know

You weren't down for forever and it's fine

I know, you know, we know

We weren't meant for each other and it's fine

But if the world was ending

You'd come over, right?

You'd come over and you'd stay the night

Would you love me for the hell of it?

All our fears would be irrelevant

If the world was ending

You'd come over, right?

The sky'd be falling while I hold you tight

No, there wouldn't be a reason why

We would even have to say goodbye

If the world was ending

You'd come over, right?

You'd come over, you'd come over, you'd come over, right?

If the world was ending

You'd come over, right?

I'm the same way. Whenever I see something he liked or a good deal on something, I want to text him about it or pick it up. Then I remember, and the sadness takes over.

That song, oh man. It's on my playlist and gets me every time.