maise posted 9/11/2020 12:39 PM

I have struggled for a long time with the idea of leaving WS alone in our place. When I want to go somewhere or do something it bothers me to have her there. I lock my bedroom so she can’t go in there at all (she and the AP had sex in what was our bedroom at the time multiple times). Since then I’ve recreated everything and made WS buy me an entire new bed. I ripped up the carpet that was there and put new flooring and WS painted the walls. I put positive quotes on my wall to help me when I was struggling and recently redesigned the entire room. It’s officially *mine* and I made sure to give myself everything I wanted in there. It’s beautiful.

Anyway, my room is locked when I’m gone so I know that won’t be accessed...but I don’t like the idea of her bringing some dumb ho bitch into my place when I’m gone either. If she wants to ho around I tell her to go to them or take it to their vehicle or whatever but don’t bring it here. Of course, I’m not stupid enough to think that she would actually listen...I mean we were “committed in a marriage with an understanding not to do certain things” and we see how THAT turned out.

What to do with these feelings? I thought of cameras as an option but don’t like the idea of having to check them when I’m out trying to just have some me time - I feel like it defeats the purpose of that. Ive also thought of telling her to bounce when I’m not home. Go somewhere. Virus makes that a little bit more challenging but at this point I DGAF if she sits in her car.

I probably sound like a bitch. Can’t say I really give two shits if I do.

maise posted 9/11/2020 12:44 PM

^^ oh I forgot to add, my aunt is the manager of our place so there was once I had WS not be here when I was...this b**** went and asked my aunt to let her in. To this I say I probably have to take my aunts keys to my place. I’ve been planning to do that for some time anyway. Give spares to trusted friends instead.

So annoying. People are annoying.

BearlyBreathing posted 9/12/2020 11:08 AM

“People are annoying”

This should be needlepointed on to a pillow. Keep your door locked,

How much longer is IHS? If it is too the point that you need her out of the house to feel safe even for short stints, I hope you can find a way to get her out sooner rather than later.

(((Maise)))

maise posted 9/12/2020 12:35 PM

Thank you ((BarelyBreathing))
Sigh, I’m not sure how much longer...I’ve tried accomplishing a few things here to get stable but honestly with the pandemic situation and the kids learning from home as I do my own schooling it makes things challenging. There are a few practical reasons she’s still here. She knows those are why she’s here - I definitely don’t keep it a secret or anything. Right now I’m trying to stay afloat and focus on getting my studies out of the way, and in helping the kids school online. Hoping this pandemic situation resolves next year sometime so the kids can go back to school, I can physically return to working/juggling my school and kids with after school programs etc. on my own, and then WS can process out on her own.

I don’t want to make excuses though, I guess I just feel overwhelmed with parenting/bills/studies for kids and myself when she’s not here...but then having her here is challenging on my emotional state. I may have just jumbled up all of my words together...😐