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Advice on D from a Selfish Greedy Wayward

LadyG posted 9/14/2020 17:13 PM

Has anyone or is anyone else divorced or trying to divorce a Selfish Narcissistic Wayward who also happens to be an only child?

My STBXWH just keeps changing our agreement and stalling Divorce proceedings and refuses to accept the financial settlement out of sheer greed.

We have 3 adult children who each have a trust fund. WH now wants the money which we put in trust for our children to be divided between the two of us and not distributed to our children as he feels they are not deserving of the money. He is so greedy. Our children are all aware of the trusts. I donít want to involve them in the divorce but I am fighting WH on this.

Further, Our DS who still lives with WH calls venting about All the unnecessary spending and waste of money he sees. WH does not buy groceries but buys a very expensive home gym and new laptop. We are in lockdown so Gyms are still Temporarily closed.

I am financially supporting both Sons due to job loses due to Covid. I just canít keep up with WH spending on himself
and squandering money. I know he is hiding cash from me as DS tells me that WH appears to have a endless supply of it.

k8la posted 9/14/2020 19:25 PM

That's a real good look in front of a judge. Not.

Stop getting emotionally pulled into his demands. He's a bully. Don't talk with him. Ask your attorney about a forensic accountant to track where his money is coming from and how much he has spent since separation so you can count that into the equation. You've got more power than you know in this.

Bleu posted 9/14/2020 20:03 PM

Has anyone or is anyone else divorced or trying to divorce a Selfish Narcissistic Wayward who also happens to be an only child?

Yes. They are among the worst.

My STBXWH just keeps changing our agreement and stalling Divorce proceedings and refuses to accept the financial settlement out of sheer greed.

I don't know your story but hope you have an attorney. My suggestion is to have any further negotiations go through the attorneys. It will save your sanity. He may also have an unknown (to you) reason for stalling.

We have 3 adult children who each have a trust fund. WH now wants the money which we put in trust for our children to be divided between the two of us and not distributed to our children as he feels they are not deserving of the money. He is so greedy. Our children are all aware of the trusts. I donít want to involve them in the divorce but I am fighting WH on this.

Disgusting. Your attorney will handle this, too.

Hoping you detach and find peace soon. They are horrific.

99problems posted 9/14/2020 21:05 PM

Has anyone or is anyone else divorced or trying to divorce a Selfish Narcissistic Wayward who also happens to be an only child?

Ding ding ding, I am a winner.
I haven't gotten very far in the d process though. Just far enough to know that she will oppose whatever I propose for the simple fact that I am proposing it.
I do in fact have a lawyer, and am routing all discussions through him. It does me no good at all to converse with her, so I have entirely stopped that nonsense.

[This message edited by Idiotmcstupid at 9:07 PM, September 14th, 2020 (Monday)]

hcsv posted 9/15/2020 14:25 PM

Take advice from someone who did not hire a forensic accountant.

HIRE A FORENSIC ACCOUNTANT!!!

barcher144 posted 9/15/2020 16:27 PM

Uh, the only difference between what you describe and what I am experiencing is that my STBXW is the oldest of five rather than an only child.

Just far enough to know that she will oppose whatever I propose for the simple fact that I am proposing it.

I would describe my STBXW's approach as slightly different. It goes like this:

Barcher: I propose X amount in child support, alimony, division of assets, etc.

STBXW: NO, I WANT MORE THAN THAT

It has not mattered what I propose and how reasonable it is... the response is always NO and there is rarely a well-defined counter-offer.

IMPORTANT PART: BE PATIENT

The law, usually speaking, has a funny way of meandering to the right decision, sooner or later. You stick to you and let him be crazy. In the meantime, talk to your attorney about the best way to protect yourself and your assets.

For the record, I can't imagine that it is legally possible for you to revoke money from any trust fund, let alone trust funds for adult children. To my knowledge, the entire purpose of a trust is to make 100% certain that no one can take that money back. Talk to your lawyer and if s/he agrees that's not legally possible, then tell your ex to go for it and get out of the way.

Planetx posted 9/15/2020 20:55 PM

I divorce my Selfish Narcissistic Only Child Wayward, lol. He pulled the same crap. It depends how much is at stake how much you want to pay for the divorce and forensic accountant, and also how much time you are willing to give.

Ours took about a year, most of it spent with me just ignoring him and waiting for him to sign the agreement. He eventually caved. If you can afford the forensic accountant or write it into the agreement that he pays for it, go for it!

How awful that he wants the kids' trusts. I really hope your lawyer or financial advisor can let you know if these are considered marital property. WH can talk about what he's going to take from you all he wants, but in my experience it was all talk.

The best advice I can give is don't engage. He's probably pushing the kids' trust issue to hit you where it hurts- your kids. Narcissists have an inflated sense of importance, but just ignore him. He will act like he knows everything about finances and what he can get in the divorce, but it's all talk. When my EX would start in on me I would just tell myself, literally nobody cares!

For the excessive spending now, have you filed for divorce already? When I filed it gave a specific limit either of us could spend and if we spent over that amount, it came out in the final agreement.

Good luck in the future, it is a long process with a narcissistic Staller. Just please do not take him too seriously and try to not let his bullying get to you.

HalfTime2017 posted 9/15/2020 21:01 PM

You have adult children, ADULTS. I would say let em in on Dad trying to raid their funds, and let them have at it.

Next, hire the forensic accountant if you feel he is hiding money. Judges do not like that type of shit. He'll have to fork over most of that to you, as punishment, the system awards the spouse that wasn't hiding money, sometimes they get all of it.

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