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I need someone to read me the Riot Act Now!

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thisIstMe posted 11/2/2020 14:42 PM

Thank you Phoenix1, good advice.

Anna123 posted 11/2/2020 14:43 PM

I think this is getting lost in the shuffle:

but then we had to meet last week Wednesday to sign a contract on the house with the buyers

YAY!!!!! One more step to truly disconnecting!! This will make it so much easier going forward. Just keep catching yourself like you did, and forcing yourself back. You can do it. Your mind is to important to fill with thoughts of her----- I promise she is not filling hers with thoughts of you so even the score.

thisIstMe posted 11/2/2020 15:35 PM

Hi Anna123

YAY!!!!! One more step to truly disconnecting!! This will make it so much easier going forward.

Yes it is a HUGE relief and a giant step forward.

Westway posted 11/2/2020 17:57 PM

thisIstMe I know it doesn't make you feel better, but my WW is the Detroit city bicycle. She's getting a swayback from all the men that ride her. Not trying to make light of your pain. Just understand that you will one day come to an acceptance of what your WW has become. She was a decent person at one time. Treat it as if the wife you knew and loved died. The new person is someone else... a pod person... an interloper. If you start to train your mind to accept that, then the acceptance will come a bit quicker.

It's okay to be mad and disgusted with her. Just understand that she is digging her own grave and ruining her relationship with her daughter. Make sure you are there for your daughter. Be a shoulder for her to cry on and someone to vent to. Make sure your daughter understands that her mom's behavior is unacceptable and wrong, but that you still love her unconditionally and always will. You have to be her rock now more than ever.

fooled13years posted 11/4/2020 07:55 AM

Somewhere on here is a member with a tag line something like this

Don't get mad if someone else is playing with your old toy because it is good to share with the less fortunate

I may have completely butchered the saying but you get the general meaning.

Stay strong for your children and show them that just because circumstances are as they are doesn't mean you can't have a great life.

HFSSC posted 11/4/2020 20:17 PM

Iím sorry it took so long to respond.
Thank you for explaining.

HFSSC, when I went to therapy I would talk about what was going on and all I ever got was "You need to work on yourself now, do you have any hobbies ? what about golf?"... also "You need to concentrate on yourself, what do you like doing ?". After about 4 sessions of going through this exact same scenario I decided to not go back. I then tried to look for a 'better' therapist and was not able to.

I understand why that would be frustrating and unhelpful. However, the underlying premise is not wrong. At some point you have to stop talking about what happened and ring ways to heal yourself and move forward. But a skilled counselor will guide you and not leave you feeling like youíre on your own.

I am also very skeptical about therapists because right after I found out about the A I arranged a MC session and the marriage counselor and my WW became friends and are now facebook friends (which to me seems unprofessional). Everything the counselor said in the beginning sessions (before they were friends) she took back and denied saying in subsequent sessions when she had IC sessions with my WW. My WW then threw that back in my face saying "The therapist said that she didn't say that, you said that to her and she never said that!".

My H and I were incredibly fortunate to find a married couple in practice together who worked as our ICs. Later, the husband, who was JMís IC, became our MC and it was a wonderful fit for us. I am so sorry that you found 2 crappy counselors in a row. Donít give up entirely.

The pain shopping will stop when you decide youíve had enough. I hope itís soon, for your sake.

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