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Just plain Dumb!

MaggieNow1960 posted 9/23/2020 14:38 PM

Hi all. I've got 3rd DD anniversary coming up in a couple of weeks. Things are going reasonably well. I do believe I'm probably less vested in reconciliation than I once was. Kind of a just don't care attitude that comes and goes. It's not so much anything that makes it occur. Seems to just be me. Anyway, not the reason for my post. Wanted to tell you about something that just blew me away recently. Even though I knew the events, the timeline, the details, etc. I asked my WS to document it all again adding what he has feeling during (whatever was happening). A few weeks later he gave me the results. Now I should mention that my WS's infidelity primarily consisted of a ONS. He also had online flirting but not with the same person. The AP was an old classmate from decades ago who had contacted him periodically over the yrs. Her contact increased after the ONS and, what I wasn't aware (until I read his new details) of was that she believed that he was going to leave me, after 4+ decades of marriage and replace me with her! Again, this was a ONS. There were no words of affection spoken. No goodbye kiss. No plans to repeat. They live in different parts of the country. Said she didn't want to be the side piece. ?!!! Now I found this out a few weeks ago and still now I am amazed. HOW did her brain bring her to this fantasy? Have others experienced AP fantasies? By the way, there's been no further contact for a few years, since he told her he wasn't leaving me and not to call again. Would welcome your comments and stories. Thanks!

bluephoenix posted 9/24/2020 01:37 AM

Wow! Our stories are very similar. I am one year post d-day and my husbands AP thought the same thing. He dumped her the next day and she was suddenly confused not realizing he made a bad choice and wanted to stay with me. I didnt even find this out till 8 months later and two weeks after we married. She decided to rat him out and wanted answers as to why he did it. We all know why WS cheat. She tried to play the victim and treated me like I was this stupid naive fool. I might have been blind at the moment because I trusted him but she is the fool that flew 900 miles for a ONS only to be dumped the next day.

I thought she moved on but this month the day after first year of d-day, She sent a message to random people on my Facebook account telling them my husband cheated a year ago. Then a week later sent my WH an email telling him how pathetic he was. Telling him to expect more. In my opinion she fell for him while they were building up for that ONS. He went because he was already over his head. She knew all about me so this was no surprise to her. The only surprise was her finding out about us getting married when he convinced her we were through. These AP’s suddenly go fatal attraction when they don't get the guy. They play the victim.

bluephoenix posted 9/24/2020 01:37 AM


[This message edited by bluephoenix at 1:39 AM, September 24th (Thursday)]

bluephoenix posted 9/24/2020 01:37 AM


[This message edited by bluephoenix at 1:38 AM, September 24th (Thursday)]

The1stWife posted 9/24/2020 01:49 AM

My H had an EA for 6 months. He was convinced that she was the one and he should D me.

He eventually decided to dump her and of course she’s suddenly telling me “I cannot stay with him — he’s a cheater”.

She was a victim of getting dumped but she knew he was M. Of course him telling the OW he was D me was something she stupidly believed.

What she doesn’t know is that I never stood in his way when he wanted a D. He willingly changed his mind every time after he said it. He never left me. But her pushing him to D me just didn’t work out for her. And her “poor me routine” was laughable.

I sneakily got my revenge. I used to log in to her blog and stay logged in for hours. She assumed it was my H stalking her and she eventually shut her blog down. We spoke about it once and she asked me if I knew anything about it. I told her I did not and led her to believe it was my H. 🤣 ROFLMAO

sisoon posted 9/24/2020 09:51 AM

Let's see....

At the beginning of the relationship, they both said they hated lying.

Both said they wouldn't leave their Hs. They were going to be in a permanent sexual relationship with each other and with their Hs.

W said she sort of envisioned 50% with each of us. My 50% included sleeping time, I guess. W said she didn't really think about the future while in the A.

OBS knew about the A; I was not considered to be evolved enough to accept it, which I take as a compliment.

One set of thoughts that played some part in ending the A was that my W thought ow was angling for a weekend away on my our dime ('our' because we merged finances long ago), and W didn't want to present that to me.

W was really fuzzy in her thinking about the future....

[This message edited by sisoon at 9:51 AM, September 24th (Thursday)]

The1stWife posted 9/24/2020 10:49 AM

Yes my H believed he would D me and the OW would move right in and replace me.

Yes the tattoo’d OW was going to be friends with all of our mutual friends. And they would just love her. And accept her. Who knows - maybe some would. Doesn’t mean the wives would that’s for sure.


[This message edited by The1stWife at 10:50 AM, September 24th (Thursday)]

MaggieNow1960 posted 9/24/2020 13:20 PM

Can't help but wonder why someone who acts like trash is surprised when they are treated like trash. SMH

[This message edited by MaggieNow1960 at 1:22 PM, September 24th (Thursday)]

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