AngelBetrayed posted 10/15/2020 22:28 PM

A little background DDay was February 2010. We or should I say I tried to reconcile. We went to marriage counseling and he was told that he needed to make some changes in his behaviour and we never went back. I ended the marriage in August 2106 after he called me stupid. I am now in a new relationship and it occurs to me that I am much nicer to him than I was to my ex. I’m debating about whether I should feel bad about this or not. And of course wondered if my ex was the way that he was towards me because of my behaviour. And does it even matter?

My ex was also near impossible to please so I put so much effort into pleasing him. I feel that this changed once he cheated.

[This message edited by AngelBetrayed at 11:05 PM, October 15th (Thursday)]

BearlyBreathing posted 10/16/2020 08:18 AM

I think you were treating him similarly to how he was treating you. It’s a bit of a mirror that way. Glad you’re in a healthy relationship now

LadyG posted 10/17/2020 00:36 AM

I am you in many ways. When being nice didn’t work and only made my STBXWH even meaner and needier, I too got nasty at times.

You have learnt a lot from the past and hope not to repeat in your new relationship.

I too am determined that if I am ever in a new, better relationship that it will bring out the best in me. My WH didn’t deserve my kindness. But I have also learnt when to walk away if things are not good.

betrayed 35 posted 10/24/2020 14:21 PM

My WH was a very negative person. I too became an angry, negative person. I keep as little contact with him now-as much as I can with 2 teen boys- but it has made a difference in me. I am a positive happier person. They brought us down to their level. I can't wait to be in a healthy relationship.

I also didn't want to be nice to him while he was having the A. He was mean to me while in the A time since it was my fault he was having the A. HAHAHA... He was so cocky of a person you didn't want to tell him nice things, he already had a big enough head!!