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AngelBetrayed (original poster member #28579) posted at 4:28 AM on Friday, October 16th, 2020
A little background DDay was February 2010. We or should I say I tried to reconcile. We went to marriage counseling and he was told that he needed to make some changes in his behaviour and we never went back. I ended the marriage in August 2106 after he called me stupid. I am now in a new relationship and it occurs to me that I am much nicer to him than I was to my ex. I’m debating about whether I should feel bad about this or not. And of course wondered if my ex was the way that he was towards me because of my behaviour. And does it even matter?
My ex was also near impossible to please so I put so much effort into pleasing him. I feel that this changed once he cheated.
[This message edited by AngelBetrayed at 11:05 PM, October 15th (Thursday)]
BW: Me 45 ( now 53 )
BH: Him 38. ( no longer relevant )
together 10 years, married 8 on DD
Reconciled for 6 years, Divorced
1 DD: 12
Confessed: February 26, 2010
PA 1.5 years with coworker MOW
BearlyBreathing ( member #55075) posted at 2:18 PM on Friday, October 16th, 2020
I think you were treating him similarly to how he was treating you. It’s a bit of a mirror that way. Glad you’re in a healthy relationship now
Me: BS 57 (49 on d-day)Him: *who cares ;-) *. D-Day 8/15/2016 LTA. Kinda liking my new life :-)
**horrible typist, lots of edits to correct. :-/ **
LadyG ( member #74337) posted at 6:36 AM on Saturday, October 17th, 2020
I am you in many ways. When being nice didn’t work and only made my STBXWH even meaner and needier, I too got nasty at times.
You have learnt a lot from the past and hope not to repeat in your new relationship.
I too am determined that if I am ever in a new, better relationship that it will bring out the best in me. My WH didn’t deserve my kindness. But I have also learnt when to walk away if things are not good.
September 26 1987 I married a monster. Slowly healing from Complex PTSD. I Need Peace. Fiat Lux. Buddha’s Love Saves Me 🙏🏼
betrayed 35 ( member #22169) posted at 8:21 PM on Saturday, October 24th, 2020
My WH was a very negative person. I too became an angry, negative person. I keep as little contact with him now-as much as I can with 2 teen boys- but it has made a difference in me. I am a positive happier person. They brought us down to their level. I can't wait to be in a healthy relationship.
I also didn't want to be nice to him while he was having the A. He was mean to me while in the A time since it was my fault he was having the A. HAHAHA... He was so cocky of a person you didn't want to tell him nice things, he already had a big enough head!!
dday 1 9-8-08 2nd 12-22-19
40 yrs old
two boys 14 and 16
working on divorce
I want off the roller coaster...
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