NeverEnough28 posted 10/27/2020 11:17 AM

October 13th it was finalized. Had I checked my mail box I would have known when I met up with him that Friday to switch cars. He new and I didn't. I'm kind-of glad I didn't at that time because maybe I wouldn't have been as strong. The last week had been hard. I cry alot then get on with my day, come home and cry some more. I cried myself to sleep last night....its really over. 13 years I was just a barely out of high school kid when he came into my life. My adulthood was learning and growing with him. Now I'm learning how to grow alone.

I have a lovely townhouse, this last Saturday u bought a brand new 2021 jeep. My finances are in order, my bills are paid, im doing well at my job. All around on the outside I look like a 32 year old that has their shit together.

Yet inside I feel like I'm suffocating, do many firsts. So many vacations. So many up and downs we fought through, well I fought through he just went along with it until he decided he was done. It kills me that I fought for us during his infidelity but he didn't during mine. Guess thats hes choice to make, but the guilt is killing me. I feel like I destroyed our marriage, im sure he feels the same.

I know how to live without him, im doing it everyday. But I don't know how to live without him. I feel like I'm going through the motions and im starting to crack more and more. Hes happier without me and I can't imagine true happiness without him.

I truly thought we would be one of those marriages that made it. That people would celebrate for sticking together for a life time. Now its all just memories.

Lalagirl posted 10/27/2020 13:36 PM

(((((NeverEnough28)))))

I have no advice, but wanted to give you a hug and let you know that you have been heard.

Please be gentle and kind with yourself; you do not deserve to be unhappy.

nekonamida posted 10/27/2020 14:10 PM

It kills me that I fought for us during his infidelity but he didn't during mine.

Are you talking about your assault? The difference between sexual assault and infidelity is night and day. The two are not even comparable.

Are you seeing an IC? Have you talked about why you find what happened to you and what he chose to do comparable?

BearlyBreathing posted 10/27/2020 20:03 PM

(((NeverEnough28)))

The1stWife posted 10/28/2020 05:46 AM

One day (whenever it happens) you will be thankful you got rid of him.

He’s not (and never was) a guy you could count on. He bailed on you by accusing you of something that most of us here at SI didn’t believe to have occurred. You were victimized. By a person you knew. Who lied about everything. And your XH chose to believe him.

I’m sorry but you should be celebrating the opportunity that you found out who/what your XH really is.

I know it’s painful right now. It’s hard to understand. But sometimes you can’t see things clearly. But one day you will be grateful b/c your life will be vastly improved. Trust me. I’ve been down that road.