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backnforth (original poster member #72744) posted at 4:46 PM on Tuesday, November 24th, 2020
WH has been served. Tomorrow ends our waiting period and it will be a summary judgement divorce. When he got served, all he could say is he hadnt looked at them and he will let me know about what i was asking (when he is collecting his things). Crickets since. Hes ignored txts and emails. All i want is to finish things off..tye up the last few ends. Then he shows up at the house this weekend. No call (he'll get in trouble if she sees he called), drove past twice and then came by. He was catching up. Tells me he cant believe i actually filed. Tells me OW had hounded him this whole time. Hes still miserable. She wont leave the job, he cant make the money he makes at work anywhere else (this IS a reasonable arguement). I told him he had the options and it could have been figured out. I dont know what his goal was. He still likes to talk like theres a future. To some extent i think the job is a huge hurdle but but he still hasnt explored other options. Say she leaves and what happens if he doesnt follow through and this was another tactic? I never wanted divorce. I always feel that im making a mistake BUT i do know its the only way to end this crazyness. Hes been told to remove his belongings before the court date or i will trash it all. I believe he thinks he is keeping power by this...maybe he wants tume to end it. I told him i gave him every opportunity and over a year to figure it out and he didnt. Idk the purpose of this. Im flustered. Ive wondered why almost 30 fays of silence. Why the visit? To screw with my head? Im just ready to be done. I dont even WANT to trash his things. I just want it simple.
The1stWife ( Guide #58832) posted at 7:17 PM on Tuesday, November 24th, 2020
He’s lost control of the situation.
And he doesn’t know what to do.
Or he doesn’t want to know what to do.
Stop listening to him any further. He tells you about the OW as though you care. As though you are interested in his life. As though you are his friend.
Next time he pulls that (after the D) - shut him down. Tell him you are nit interested in his life any longer. There is a reason you are D - he lied and cheated - so he needs to understand you are not his emotional support team any longer.
Tell him you wanted a year for things to change and they didn’t. You were left with no options b/c you are not living in limbo while he figures his life out. And he was stupid to consider you would continue to live with the disrespect and affair.
He’s a typical “I am the victim” type of cheater. No responsibility on his part for his poor choices.
Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled. 12 years out from Dday. Reconciliation takes two committed people to be successful.
nekorb ( member #40306) posted at 12:50 AM on Wednesday, January 13th, 2021
It’s a good yet terrifying feeling when they get served!I hope things are going better now.
Me: BS 44; Him: WH 47 M - 22 Years
D-day: 7/2013; D filed 7/2014; Divorced 7-27-16
...the WS affair starts off in a dreamland where everything is all Golly, Wow! and Meant To Be! and Soul Mates drop from the trees to frolic in the mist. -devotedman
Shehawk ( member #68741) posted at 2:01 AM on Wednesday, January 13th, 2021
I would not trash his things if it were me (and I have sooo wanted to).
I am heeding the advice I got that that stuff could be really expensive if you had to pay him for stuff you tossed...
And sorry your stbxwh did not choose to save the marriage. It hurts.
[This message edited by Shehawk at 8:53 AM, January 13th (Wednesday)]
"It's a slow fade...when you give yourself away" so don't do it!
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