Bigger, I don’t know if my lawyer will guide me...I don’t know how any of this works. How do you go about mediation? Do you go through a lawyer or is it separate?
You didn't ask me but in my area... mediation is super expensive because there are two lawyers plus a mediator there. Meaning, your lawyer will be present at the mediation and you will be responsible for your lawyer's fees plus half of the mediators fees.
I fear this but it very well may be this way no matter what route I go.
I also fear he may ignore the verbal agreements he doesn’t agree on and accuse me of who knows what with the ones he does agree with. How did you deal with this Barcher?
I think the bigger issue in my divorce was that opposing counsel is the epitome of every lawyer-is-an-asshole joke that you have ever heard. She is slimy and dirty and unethical. I will literally be filing an ethics complaint against her once the judge reaches his decision in my case. To give you an example of the slime, her attorney complained at our temporary hearing that I took one of the kids to the doctor without STBXW's permission and that I refused to take allow STBXW to take a different child to her weekly therapy appointment. Then, at trial, the same lawyer complained that I never participated in any of the kids' medical care. You can't have it both ways, unless you are a lawyer, I guess.
The reason why I focus on the lawyer's behavior for mediation is because if your STBX has a normal/legitimate lawyer, then mediation might be better for you. Mediation would involve you, your attorney, his attorney, and an independent 3rd-party (likely also an attorney) who might be able to convince him that the law is not what he thinks that it is. However, if he gets an asshole attorney, then mediation will just be part of the game... and mediation will be a waste of money (at best) or harmful to your case (at worst).
My current GF is trying to go through her divorce right now. She and her ex get along reasonably well, but he definitely has moments of narcissism and assholery. For example, he has invented a list of "expenses" from the last five years that he believes are my GF's responsibility (total amount = $60,000). These were all marital expenses, so all three attorneys at mediation told him that his issue, even if valid (it's not, btw), would not hold up at trial. Having a third-party, independent person there seems to have helped convince him that his beliefs on what is fair is not supported by the law... so mediation has actually helped him get closer to a settlement.
In your case, if you had mediation (under non-COVID times), then I would recommend that you request different rooms (i.e., the mediator would go back and forth). My STBXW did this as part of her claim of domestic violence against me (you have to overlook that we carpooled to mediation, I guess).
Me: Crap, I'm 50 years old. D-Day: August 30, 2016. Two years of false reconciliation. Divorce final: Feb 1, 2021. Re-married: December 3, 2022.