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Mediation over child custody soon

Paul84 posted 1/21/2021 17:52 PM

How likely is it that text messages will be used in a child custody case , if there is no behavior or actions to accompany them ?

[This message edited by Paul84 at 9:37 PM, January 21st (Thursday)]

Ratpicker posted 1/21/2021 18:26 PM

I don't know if your parents can afford to help you with lawyer fees or if they would want to help. But I think you should give them the opportunity to offer by explaining the situation to them. Perhaps they would prefer to help pay for the lawyer fees now than find out you lost some of your custody time later. Appealing it would cost even more money.

Stop texting your STBXW!

barcher144 posted 1/22/2021 08:39 AM

How likely is it that text messages will be used in a child custody case , if there is no behavior or actions to accompany them ?


skeetermooch posted 1/22/2021 10:03 AM

If you mean text messages that serve as evidence of missing visitations or making threats - absolutely. If you mean self-serving texts where she's accusing you of things that never happened - they are useless.

Tigersrule77 posted 1/22/2021 11:53 AM

Better suggestion, ask your attorney this question. Don't hide the details, so you can receive an honest answer.

And as others said, stop texting your STBXW. NC means NC. It helps.

Paul84 posted 1/22/2021 13:38 PM

What if I made a statement that I no longer wanted to care for the children because of their behavior (one has add) but hours later apologized and said there are no issues ? We currently are separated and have 50/50 custody schedule . My STBX is requesting the court grant her nearly full (80%) custody based on this text. I have never harmed the children and I have no record of crimes or mental health issues . My STBX does however

skeetermooch posted 1/22/2021 14:00 PM


I think you'll be fine with this text. People say a lot of crap in the heat of the moment with divorce and custody cases and judges don't like to wade through a bunch of back and forth. She would need proof that you were an unfit and unsafe parent to challenge your custody - not one text that you never followed through on with actions.

Of course, to save yourself stress, better not to get into these exchanges. I've had texts used in court and it was a bit embarrassing to be honest, not to mention stressful, although no harm came of it - for me anyway.

Usually judges will not change the status quo so as not to disrupt children further. If you have 50-50, barring any abuse or neglect or a child who's having profound issues with the arrangement, the judge will more than likely keep the arrangement exactly as it is. That's why is super important for folks to know the arrangement they set up pre-D will likely be the arrangement they have post D with custody.

[This message edited by skeetermooch at 2:01 PM, January 22nd (Friday)]

Paul84 posted 1/22/2021 14:15 PM

This is helpful thank you .

fooled13years posted 1/22/2021 15:19 PM

Not that I have ever been through a D that included a child that was mine but it seems bad enough to me that the marriage is ending but for one of the parents to use the child as a weapon against the other seem unconscionable to me.

Hopefully you both can put the child first while wrapping this up.

Butforthegrace posted 1/23/2021 09:01 AM

Text messages are evidence, just like any other evidence. If either party feels that a text message is helpful or pertinent to a custody hearing, they can admit it.

The presence/absence of actions consistent with the text message may go to the weight of the text message in terms of how much it might influence a judge's decision. Other factors include the degree of specificity of the message, its context, etc.

For example, if you sent your WW a text message that said something vague and obviously an emotional outburst: "I hate you and our whole family." And it was in the context of you complaining about how your WW has put you in an untenable life position, it might be something the judge would overlook.

If you said something like: "If I see you with AP at his place during my custody period, I'm going to drop the kids at your house in the middle of the night and leave them outside your front door alone so you can find them when you get your cheating ass home," no matter what you say or do after that, I'm pretty sure a judge is gonna think long and hard about revoking your custody rights.

Bottom line:

1. Don't say stupid things in text, email, or other writing. Once you say it, it's said forever.

2. Get a lawyer.

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