StrongGeisha posted 1/23/2021 08:05 AM

Hello everyone. I just updated my profile with a very short version of my story. Fast forward to today. I believe we have just started the real separation as he has not stayed in our home for three nights and he promised me he will never stay here again. I have been trying to get him to move out or let me move move out for 10 months now. If you read my profile you will see I have done a lot of healing and learning over the past two years so I am not on the floor dying like I was when D-day hit. Still not great but so so much better now. I guess I just needed to be with people who get this, get what I'm going through. There is no question I do not want this man in my life as a partner or even as a friend. I am hopeful we can proceed with ending this marriage as peacefully as possible, but I still struggle with the idea that I have failed.

I have learned so much here on these boards. You are all amazing humans who have survived so much horrific pain and suffering. I guess I just need a tiny bit of support moving forward. I just want to live a safe and peaceful life for my dd and myself from here on out.

The1stWife posted 1/23/2021 08:18 AM

I’m sorry for what you have endured.

Bravo on the healing and getting stronger. That is what is propelling you forward. You sometimes can only do things even you are ready. Those two years you tried to fix your marriage. It doesn’t sound like he did much to make amends. Repair and reconciliation cannot be one sided. It will never work.

You deserve to be happy too. It’s a choice you make. And your marriage was not providing you with anything but pain. So it’s time to move on.

I like your clarity.

Please get a lawyer and get him out of your life as quickly as possible. This way you can start healing snd thriving.

StrongGeisha posted 1/23/2021 08:23 AM

Thank 1st wife. I appreciate your post!!

fareast posted 1/23/2021 08:32 AM

Strength to you moving forward. You deserve so much better. One thought: you did not fail your M. He did. Good luck to you and your dd.

skeetermooch posted 1/23/2021 08:34 AM

Hi SG,

Read your story. You've been through A LOT! Now that he's out of the house I hope you will act fast to file for D and get some temporary orders in place so he can't come back. You've endured a lot of abuse these past two years. Even though some healing has occurred I wouldn't suspect a lot more has to happen. The emotional and physical abuse, as well as the blame shifting and gas lighting have undoubtedly done a number on your brain and that will need some time and attention.

I know the feeling of failure you have. It's not your fault that he hid his dysfunction and double life or that he masked his mental illness and ability to lie and abuse you. We were extremely unlucky in ending up with these men.

Somber posted 1/23/2021 19:43 PM

Another step forward in a healthier direction. Keep moving forward. Wishing you the best. You aren’t at fault here, nor is the way you reacted post dday your fault. You were entitled to act any way you needed too.
Keep healing and getting stronger. It sounds like you are on the right path.

StrongGeisha posted 1/24/2021 08:02 AM

Thank you so much for the support!! It is amazing how knowing some people have been in your shoes and know your pain makes this journey a little less daunting.

homewrecked2011 posted 1/24/2021 11:33 AM

I agree with filing temp separation orders. I did not, xh tried to come back in the house. The police said they couldn’t do anything until the papers were filed. Call around and ask different attys how much it will cost for this. In my city, it was $250.00.