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Newest Member: FaithGrace

Divorce/Separation :
Separation starting now

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 StrongGeisha (original poster new member #69740) posted at 2:05 PM on Saturday, January 23rd, 2021

Hello everyone. I just updated my profile with a very short version of my story. Fast forward to today. I believe we have just started the real separation as he has not stayed in our home for three nights and he promised me he will never stay here again. I have been trying to get him to move out or let me move move out for 10 months now. If you read my profile you will see I have done a lot of healing and learning over the past two years so I am not on the floor dying like I was when D-day hit. Still not great but so so much better now. I guess I just needed to be with people who get this, get what I'm going through. There is no question I do not want this man in my life as a partner or even as a friend. I am hopeful we can proceed with ending this marriage as peacefully as possible, but I still struggle with the idea that I have failed.

I have learned so much here on these boards. You are all amazing humans who have survived so much horrific pain and suffering. I guess I just need a tiny bit of support moving forward. I just want to live a safe and peaceful life for my dd and myself from here on out.

posts: 6   ·   registered: Feb. 11th, 2019   ·   location: Florida
id 8627517
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The1stWife ( Guide #58832) posted at 2:18 PM on Saturday, January 23rd, 2021

I’m sorry for what you have endured.

Bravo on the healing and getting stronger. That is what is propelling you forward. You sometimes can only do things even you are ready. Those two years you tried to fix your marriage. It doesn’t sound like he did much to make amends. Repair and reconciliation cannot be one sided. It will never work.

You deserve to be happy too. It’s a choice you make. And your marriage was not providing you with anything but pain. So it’s time to move on.

I like your clarity.

Please get a lawyer and get him out of your life as quickly as possible. This way you can start healing snd thriving.

Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled. 12 years out from Dday. Reconciliation takes two committed people to be successful.

posts: 14772   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2017
id 8627520
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 StrongGeisha (original poster new member #69740) posted at 2:23 PM on Saturday, January 23rd, 2021

Thank 1st wife. I appreciate your post!!

posts: 6   ·   registered: Feb. 11th, 2019   ·   location: Florida
id 8627523
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fareast ( Moderator #61555) posted at 2:32 PM on Saturday, January 23rd, 2021

Strength to you moving forward. You deserve so much better. One thought: you did not fail your M. He did. Good luck to you and your dd.

Never bother with things in your rearview mirror. Your best days are on the road in front of you.

posts: 3991   ·   registered: Nov. 24th, 2017
id 8627526
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skeetermooch ( member #72169) posted at 2:34 PM on Saturday, January 23rd, 2021

Hi SG,

Read your story. You've been through A LOT! Now that he's out of the house I hope you will act fast to file for D and get some temporary orders in place so he can't come back. You've endured a lot of abuse these past two years. Even though some healing has occurred I wouldn't suspect a lot more has to happen. The emotional and physical abuse, as well as the blame shifting and gas lighting have undoubtedly done a number on your brain and that will need some time and attention.

I know the feeling of failure you have. It's not your fault that he hid his dysfunction and double life or that he masked his mental illness and ability to lie and abuse you. We were extremely unlucky in ending up with these men.

Me: BS 56 on DDay 1 - 7/2019 DIVORCED - 1/2021

posts: 1275   ·   registered: Nov. 28th, 2019
id 8627527
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Somber ( member #66544) posted at 1:43 AM on Sunday, January 24th, 2021

Another step forward in a healthier direction. Keep moving forward. Wishing you the best. You aren’t at fault here, nor is the way you reacted post dday your fault. You were entitled to act any way you needed too.

Keep healing and getting stronger. It sounds like you are on the right path.

Me: BS, 41 / Him: SAWH, 43
2 children ages 7 and 9
“The truth is still blurry but the lies are getting clearer”

posts: 632   ·   registered: Oct. 17th, 2018   ·   location: Canada
id 8627640
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 StrongGeisha (original poster new member #69740) posted at 2:02 PM on Sunday, January 24th, 2021

Thank you so much for the support!! It is amazing how knowing some people have been in your shoes and know your pain makes this journey a little less daunting.

posts: 6   ·   registered: Feb. 11th, 2019   ·   location: Florida
id 8627679
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homewrecked2011 ( member #34678) posted at 5:33 PM on Sunday, January 24th, 2021

I agree with filing temp separation orders. I did not, xh tried to come back in the house. The police said they couldn’t do anything until the papers were filed. Call around and ask different attys how much it will cost for this. In my city, it was $250.00.

Sometimes He calms the storm. Sometimes He lets the storm rage, but calms His child. Dday 12/19/11I went to an attorney and had him served. Shocked the hell out of him, with D papers, I'm proud to say!D final10/30/2012Me-55

posts: 5513   ·   registered: Jan. 30th, 2012
id 8627709
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