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joeboo (original poster member #31089) posted at 5:57 AM on Sunday, September 15th, 2013
Someone mentioned a possible disorder once before, but it was long ago and I do not remember it. But, my fww is very nice to me when I turn a cold shoulder and a royal bitch when I warm up to her. I just do not understand it. The other thing I have noticed with her is that for a few days following the big O, she also has bitchy tendencies.
Its almost as if the more real D is, the more she tries to R. I do not think she is in an active A, but the I'd say she was a much better candidate when I was good to her.
Any ideas?
cruelty ( new member #35951) posted at 6:01 AM on Sunday, September 15th, 2013
Could it be the emotional distancer thing!
"The trick to forgetting the big picture is to look at everything close up" -Chuck Palahniuk
aesir ( member #17210) posted at 6:11 AM on Sunday, September 15th, 2013
The perceived ability to get away with it vs. imminent consequences.
Your mileage may vary... in accordance with the prophecy.
Do not back up. Severe tire damage.
gonnabe2016 ( member #34823) posted at 6:11 AM on Sunday, September 15th, 2013
"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott
In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.
tryingmybest2011 ( member #32584) posted at 6:39 AM on Sunday, September 15th, 2013
Control issues and insecurity.
BS: me - 42
WH: him - 42
DD: 12
DD: 5
Married over 12 years, together for 21.
DD#1: 12/12/10 - LTA of 3 years, 2 mos.
DD#2: 02/02/11 - 2 EA/PA with coworkers, a month after the LTA was ended (by OW).
joeboo (original poster member #31089) posted at 2:03 PM on Sunday, September 15th, 2013
Good food for thought.
Funny thing is, as I re-read the thread title I noticed that is what I am turning into with her. My natural disposition is to be nice to the nice, and ignore the mean as much as I can until my back is against the wall then be mean to the mean. It has served me well all these years, except with her.
Maybe the problem is me. The way things are working, she'd be a great wife if we were always just ready to divorce. Maybe its time to get back into MC for a progress assessment. Its been almost two years since we've seen one.
sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 8:22 PM on Sunday, September 15th, 2013
I still think the universal explanation for cheating is that the cheater betrays others in the process of avoiding her own pain.
If you are loving, your W faces her own belief she is not lovable. It's easy to avoid dealing with her own shit by getting angry at you for not seeing how unlovable she is.
Just my belief, based on nothing other than speculation and anecdote, but it sure makes sense to me.
fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex apDDay - 12/22/2010Recover'd and R'edYou don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.
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