SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Not one BS is regretting leaving their Wayward. WOW!

I don't remeber EVER hearing a BS saying, "You know, I should have given my WS more time." Maybe it's happened, but I don't think I've seen it in over a year here.

Looking back - I did the best I could, but there are some things I would change.

From affair 1:

1) I would have been much more proactive about getting help for me, and not piling all my energy into saving my marriage.

2) I would have admitted to myself that she was obvoiusly having an affair, and collected enough evidence to get the abusive police (AP) fired.

3) I would have immediately started to separate our finances, and built up a safety net.

4) I would have been proactive in finding a network of friends that were mine and not "ours".

From affair 2:

1) Stop thinking about doing the right thing, about fair play, and concentrated on my daughter and I.

2) I would have got them both fired for unacceptable conduct in the workplace (they still work together).

3) Faced the realisation that there are no quick fixes with heartbreak and betrayal.

Slightly different situation for the menfolk - particularly here in the UK.

If we'd divorced after DDay 1, all of the rights were in her hands. I went through 2 years of false reconsiliation until she did it again.

She wanted a divorce - her new married AP, the house, our kid - the works. I could not see a way out, and was angry that she could behave so disgustingly and still get everything.

But the law had changed - not automatic rights for the mother but whatever "was in the best interests of the child".

I took control - no regrets there. I still miss having "a family" - but with a women like that, it would have been hell all the way.

I'm 43, separated for 15 months, and divorced for 8 months. I haven't touched another women since we got together in 1999 - I regret that maybe I'll never trust again.

What would I do differently? Married someone else!

But I wouldn't have my lovely daughter if I had.

The irony? Since SI helped me to decide to tell his wife in June last year.I found out last week that his wife kicked him out, and kept the house. My ex asked him if they could have a fresh start now - and he declined!Thank you SI, I couldn't have asked for a better result.

I feel sorry for all the injured parties - but I've done the right thing.

"LivingInLimbo"…..I do understand where you are coming from, however I think in my own situation my youngest son who was still living with us at the time of h's a, had a bigger impact on him due to all the screaming, fighting, stress, and all the fallout from his fathers bullshit a.

My other kids were not as affected since they did not live at home any longer. But it was hell for my 13 year old son who at this time has little respect for his dad. So in my case it probably would have been wise just to leave the marriage. All the work has not been worth it.