SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Hello all! I am a 41 year old female, married for almost 15 years.

I found out in June that my husband was carrying on a text and phone relationship with a woman (27 years old) he used to have reserve duty with.

My husband does not consider this an affair because it had not progressed from an EA to a PA and it took a while for him to even acknowledge why his "friendship" should be hurtful to me.

You see, I found out after he told me he was unhappy and something HAD to change. He did not go right out and ask for a separation or divorce, but had a list of complaints and a very negative attitude toward me. Something in his attitude set off my intuition, which is when I started to study our cell phone bills.

I am very glad to have found this forum, as so much of this I can relate to!

Hi. Welcome, so sorry your H had this very hurtful relationship. I can't recommend strongly enough a book called Not Just Friends, by Shirley Glass. Both of you should read it, its completely excellent regarding EA's.

Glad you found us, read up in the BS FAQ and Articles section of the Healing Library.

Sc

Hi and welcome to SI. So sorry you have to be a member of our "club" but I promise you will find tremendous support and advice here.

I was 42 when I found out my 43 y.o. husband of over 20 years was having an affair with a 19 y.o. Yuck!!

You were very wise to trust your gut and investigate the phone bills. Our intuition is rarely wrong! One thing I would like to caution you about though is in MOST cases (not all) what you find out on Dday is only the tip of the iceberg. Unfortunately there may be much more to his EA that you are unaware of and he is unwilling to admit.

Keeping posting and reading here. And again, welcome!

Welcome to the carnival ride you didn't buy a ticket for.

I can't help it - another book suggestion, helped me ALOT, is:

"Too Good to Leave Too Bad to Stay"

I have NO idea why I thought of that

Edited.

cuz I'm a dummy

[This message edited by jjct at 6:10 PM, September 8th (Wednesday)]

*waving hello from a hill on the rollercoaster*

I am very sorry to see anyone going through this. I don't think most of us knows, initially, what is the best strategy on what to do: Should I stay or should I leave. We are traumatized, we are overwhelmed with emotions, denial, guilt so many emotions sweeping through, and sorting through.

One thing I do know (because I am familiar with that route) that is if you go the route of staying...then it will be hard work for the BOTH of you, an emotional roller coaster, as also mentioned above.

I am still on the roller coaster ride almost a year out now. Right now things look good, many good days but there certainly are days that are still really bad, still feel that despair. But I have reached a more healed level (if that makes any sense). If you do decide to go - then I can imagine that is difficult as well. The best strategy, of-course, you only know what is best, sometimes it is best to let go and sometimes best to stay. Everything sure does look better in retrospect, after things are done and you can see the results.

For me, I wanted to give it a chance and I still do... I don't regret trying, still both of us have bad days but sometimes we have really good days too. I will try to cherish them whatever the future holds. Still working on trust but I feel I am getting closer, but I still question.

I found this forum very supportive and maybe the best tool in my healing process. Counseling helped for the first few months and a close knit support group (colleague and close family).

[This message edited by Momentothyme at 9:15 PM, September 7th (Tuesday)]

(((stay_or_go))))

So sorry you are here. My situation is very similar to yours, only my STBXWH had his EA with an old girlfriend. He too started acting weird and that's when I checked his e-mail and our cell phone bill.

I never thought this would ever happen to me. There are some great people on this site and it's been a great source of comfort.

Take care of yourself and stay strong.

(((Stay_Or_Go)))

Hi. Welcome to SI, though I'm sorry you find yourself here.

One thing I would like to caution you about though is in MOST cases (not all) what you find out on Dday is only the tip of the iceberg. Unfortunately there may be much more to his EA that you are unaware of and he is unwilling to admit.

Unfortunately, I can attest to this. Three years ago, I found cell records of my H texting and calling a 19 year-old. He said he didn't feel like he was doing anything wrong because he 'just called her'. That was nowhere near the truth. The truth was that he'd had a full-blown A with this girl- and she left us with souvenirs (STDs). No matter what he says, please get to a Dr. and get checked out and, even if everything comes back clear, take steps to protect yourself. I wish I had.

Thanks all for the kind welcome and for the tips. It is such a relief to have found this forum to help survive this carnival ride from Hades!